I'm gay and I've known for a few years. I am not out to any of my friends but I think some of them either figured it out or have suspicions. I met my friend at the beginning of high school cause we were both in student government. I was really intimidated by him cause he is popular and really attractive. I barely talked to him until this past semester when we both went to another school for 4 months. He is incredibly nice and I looked forward to getting to know him although at this point I didn't like him other than thinking he was cute. I also didn't start liking him cause I knew he was definitely straight. We started school and he ended up being my bunkmate by his choice. We began to become friends and I grew less intimidated by him. Before long, he began to act really intimate by hugging me for long periods of time, cuddling me whenever we sat down, and slapping/grabbing my ass. I accidentally started liking him so I acted the same way back. I was (and still am) very confused about his sexuality. He acts very intimate and physical all the time but also does a lot of typically straight things like talking to me about girls and being very aggressive and "manly". I began to really like him to the point where he was all I focused on. I would do whatever I could to be with him and become close with him. He is all I can focus on and it has gotten to the point where I literally cannot find a single flaw with him. I actually feel kind of self conscious around him because he is so perfect. Whenever I'm around him I just want to kiss him and feel his ridiculously hot body. However I have refrained as I know it would most likely mess things up drastically. Despite his intimacy, I am still convinced he's straight cause ass slapping and things of that nature are common for straight boys. My issue now is I can't get over him. I think that liking him is disrupting the rest of my life and actually ruining our friendship. School ended and we both came back to our city. We are friends but not best friends and I still wonder if sometimes he is annoyed by me. A few days ago we went camping with me, him, and 3 of our friends. We got really drunk and I tried to spend the entire night with him. Unfortunately he chose hang out with our other friend who is a hot girl, solidifying my opinion on him being straight. All was good until the other day when I accidentally read a text between two of my friends that said I am apparently really bitchy to other people when I am around him. He doesn't see it but I think they told him because he hasn't been talking to me recently. I think they also found out I like him and told him. I never intended to be obnoxious and I think it will be better when I no longer like him. However, I can't figure out how to get over him. I would much rather keep him as a friend than try for a relationship and find out he is definitely straight and not interested, therefore ruining our friendship. He is away at the beach right now so I figured it is the perfect time to get over him but I have just found myself missing him more. I think finding someone else would help me get over him but there are absolutely no gay people at our school that I am interested in. I'm also not really interested in coming out to everyone right now. Honestly I am just trying to bring our friendship back to where it was before things went down hill. However I have no idea how much he knows or if he's even mad at me. We're not really close enough that I can ask him so I think I will just see what happens when he comes home. I just don't know how to get over him and fix our friendship.
Hmm...it sounds like your friends are kind of catching on. They may already suspect that you are gay and like this guy. But obviously we can't be sure. Getting over a straight crush can be difficult, especially if there is no one else you are interested in. The other effective way to get over someone is to put some physical and emotional distance between you and that person. Do you think you could maybe hang out with other friends more often and sort of take a temporary break from the friendship? I know that will be difficult since you like him so much, but doing things with other people and getting your mind off of him would be healthy. As for how to repair the friendship, I think you just need to make a concerted effort to not be bitchy around him. If I had to take a guess, that bitchiness that your friends perceive is probably some jealousy and protectiveness shining through. Be aware of that, and try to tone it down if you can. Good luck I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to get over a straight crush, especially when you are in the closet.
Hey First of all, (*hug*) I'm sorry you're going through this pain Whilst the reality is that you probably are going to have to get over him, you still don't know for sure that he's straight... Some of those things do seem pretty touching... I think it would help you to find out once and for all... It will confirm everything and help you move on properly. If you can manage it, I think coming out to him might be a good idea. Just tell him you don't want anyone else to know, but that he's your friend so you thought he should know. If you can't do that, then just straight out ask him if he's gay or bi. Getting over someone is hard. It's easiest with distance, or at least lowered levels of contact with that person. Distractions (like other cute guys) are definitely the way to go if you can find them Any LGBT youth groups in your area? Good luck!
