1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm starting to feel trapped and confused...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ImHappy247, May 26, 2014.

  1. ImHappy247

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2014
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Venezuela
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    All but family
    So... Let's see. At the beggining of the year I met this girl who is super cool and happens to be bi too so we got along really easy and with time I started to like her and she started to like me. It was really weird and confusing cause normally I dont ''like'' girls you know? They always were like a second option I would try someday and now this girl comes and just fucks my brain and I got really really confused. With time I understood that if we liked each other then it shouldn't be so hard so I just went with it and we started talking about the possibility of dating and stuff and we spended more time together. Kissing still hasn't happened. Problem is I really don't know what I feel for her. Everything's confusing and I feel like, I'm almost in love with her one minute and the next I feel nothing for her. There's also this feeling that I dont wanna compromise yet. I'm young, bi and inexperienced and I dont wanna miss something just because I have a girlfriend BUT I really like her sometimes and I want more from her. I guess Im just really screwed cause sometimes I feel like there's no perfect option. If I date her I won't be able to flirt with guys anymore and if a guy comes (one invited me to see ''Maleficent'' on friday) I'll have to say no cause I'm gonna be with her. If I choose not to date her I KNOW I'll feel like shit all the time thinking ''what if?'' cause I've never liked a girl like this before.

    I guess what I'm trying here is to hear other people's opinions cause my own head is a complete mess. I don't wanna hurt her (I think she really likes me a lot) but just to give an actual example... I really want to go to the movie with that guy... And I deffinitely dont want to become the stereotype of bisexuals who can't have a normal monogamous relationship and yeah... Am I a bad person?
     
  2. Hyaline

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2013
    Messages:
    681
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Bernardino, CA
    No matter what you do, the "what ifs" will always be something you'll have to deal with. This isn't unique to being gay/bi/straight.... :slight_smile:

    Having said that, if you aren't happy in the relationship you are in, then you probably should consider how you feel about it and make a decision about that first. Chasing after the latest flavor of the week will likely leave you feeling empty as there will always be someone cuter, smarter or better in some way. I am not saying to settle, but rather to be more choosey about whom you decide to date. You can go out on dates with a few people and make up your mind. Just be honest with people if you opt to do this. It prevents misunderstandings later...
     
  3. DangerAlex

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2014
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Winchester, VA
    No, you're not a bad person. I'm bi too (as of last summer; I was strictly straight before that) and I just think that gives us an appreciation for the beauty inherent in both men and women. Nothing wrong with liking variety :slight_smile:

    Here's my two cents: Yes, you're worrying that pursuing the girl will mean missing opportunities if something better comes along. If you're truly bisexual, then you'll have these worries whether you're dating a man or a woman. It's just the nature of the dating beast. But if you have true feelings for her and decide to pursue that further, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be an official monogamous couple tomorrow. I'd say see what happens with her and let a relationship happen naturally if it gets to that point. Date her and see how far it progresses and see if you continue to feel this way for her; maybe your feelings will grow, or maybe you'll find your feelings were more just curiosity and as you date her you start to lose interest.

    But if you find that you're worrying so much about possible guys that could come along while you're in a monogamous relationship with this girl, then I don't feel like your feelings for her are all that strong, so you're probably better off not getting into a relationship with her. If you loved her enough to really be with her, you wouldn't be so worried about a hypothetical boyfriend when you've not even met one you're interested in dating yet (unless the one who invited you to the movie is someone you're interested in).

    So yeah, bottom line: I'd say see where things go with the girl, but take it slow. If you find that you're more worried about what could happen if you meet a guy, then don't pursue a relationship with a girl; when you date someone, it's because your feelings are so strong that you most likely couldn't or wouldn't want to be with anyone else. So don't pursue a relationship with the girl if you feel a guy could easily steal you away from her.

    I hope this makes sense and helps. Good luck!