i falled into his trap the stright guy trap :dry:

ok it all started in this new private high school which is in a new town i moved to everybody there but girls talk about me as a gay or a drama queen behind my back
all of the girls are my best friends and there is those two guys who are my friends too but someone from my classmates told me they were the first to say im gay
im gay and im not ashamed but they are just making fun of me they dont really think im gay if they did no body would ever talk to me its not acceptable at all where i live
one of those two guys is tucker who is my best friend now and my big love i always dream that he is gay too and he is going to be my lover we even used to look at each other alot before i got to know him after days of being friends and endless texting everyday he started to hold my hand while in the street it didnt give me a hard on at first i thought it was friendly but it become more and more and then he stopped until i did and when i started to hold his hand he would always try to find a way to distract me and let go of my hand
he is straight i think and his girlfriend was one of my friends so i cant even think of doing telling anything to him about my feeling or being gay
he was the first to say i love you and he always like worry too much like a boyfriend and if i didnt talk to him much he would send that he is missing me and that if i didnt talk to him now he would be so sad
he even said once that im his lover and that no matter what i did i will always be his lover
one time we where at his house and he placed his head on my lap and gazed in my eyes
i dont know if he is gay or bi or whatever it is
but recently he sometimes started to act like a normal dude no more flirting no more nice no hold hands always say stupid fuck dam you and i even feel like shit when he do that since i always listen to everything he say
and he is talking in an aggressive way sometimes too its all recently for no reason:tantrum:
ugh i really want him to be the way he used to be we used to tell each other everything but now it seems like those sometimes when he gets like that he stops talking to me for days
i know everything wrong with him they have been kicked out from their home his family is living in his grandparents house now but since then i always gave him presents and cheek on him talk to him try to make him feel better tell him im their for him
but i just dont know what to do is he acting like this because he have been in a rough time or he knows that i like him and he does too and he is trying to push me away a bit ?
i always feel like he is pushing me away and using me now because he only want to see me if he wants something like money or whatever its
and i cant see him unless i lied and told him i need to give you something important
its just that i have been in a very bad mood since he started doing all this :tears:
he is my only friend
i used to have others in my old town but now only him
all of the people who knows me just say im a stupid fag
i dont care i like being a queen who walks down the road smiling at everyone cheeking out hot guys but being like that makes everyone run away from me
he is the only friend i have here without him i have no one :icon_sad:

 

i missed something i need to say
i want to come out to him to see if he is gay too but first i need to see if he is homophobic or not
i just want to bring gays to our chat somehow without being awkward and see what he thinks of gays? does he have a problem ? any suggestions ?
where i live its really rare to talk about gays and some people dont even know who they are
once he knows im gay i think there might be a chance for him to tell me if he likes me or not ^.^

 

the problem is i dont know how im afraid i would end being awkward and he wont talk to me ugh im just not so good with people im too shy there is something he once said and i didnt mention he was asking me dont you have a girlfriend or a crush on some girl
i told him i dont want to be with any girl now
he asked and dont you want to be with me?
i said what?????? and i was so stupid to say that
he said whatever i just mean that dont you like talking to me
isnt there anything i could say that could bring gays into the conversion without looking stupid ? :icon_sad:

 

ok im going to do what you said
although im still nervous but im just coming out its not like i didnt before if he likes me he would show it after he will know im gay too (!)
sorry for the double stupid post and being too afraid and dump
i will keep you up with the news :icon_bigg