Over the years, my guy friends that I had in high school and early college have gone their separate ways. This past year I noticed that I don't have guy friends who I'm actually close with. You know to talk about geeky things, relationships and not be homophobic. The guys I've met feel just like acquaintances or casual friends. Anyway, I work at a restaurant and over these past few months I've gotten to know my manager a bit more. We talk about videogames, movies anime, science, etc. My manager (straight) knows I'm gay and actually told me a story of his friend taking him to a gay bar. Having said that, he's a really cool guy and feel like he's a genuine guy friend that I've never had. I just keep thinking its inappropriate or sad that I think I can be friends with my manager. Any advice?
There's no cut-and-dry answer. Some managers are able to cultivate great friendships with those they supervise and never have any issues. Other times, it's easy to blur boundaries and that can make both the friendship and the work relationship difficult. You might approach your manager and just ask his feelings about it. If both of you are able to clearly put on and take off your "work - vs - friendship" hats, then it can be fine, but it's specific to each individual.
I've worked for ass-hats and some pretty nice people. I have had 5 jobs in my life, and only one of those jobs was my manager an ass-hat. I am friends with 3 of my former managers, and so-so with my current one When I did construction, after a long shift the company owner would invite us to his house (I should say Compound) for beer, deer and good times lol
My manager and I never have any problems at work. He gives me constructive criticism and I take it like he was my brother teaching me because usually it's something I didn't know or was aware of. At the same time, I do the same in how a few coworkers feel about him (I don't give names but use my perspective of something I witness like his jokes). This past weekend was really busy at work; one night I was tired and not very talkative so when he was dropping me off from work he played a song from my favorite band to make me feel better. Some days when he's stressed out at work I listen to him and help out to make things easier on him. I don't know if should even ask him if we're friends.
It's delicate and touchy. Your manager may consider that you are friends, or he may be a great manager who genuinely cares about his employees and treats them with empathy and kindness but doesn't consider them friends. Most people don't have a clear understanding of what's necessary in keeping boundaries between friendship and work relationships, and so many managers (and maony companies) discourage or outright forbid friiendships between employees and their supervisors. Others do not. So you could ask him, but be prepared that if he views the relationship as just one of professional courtesy, it might make him a little uncomfortable. Or, alternatively, he might totally see you as a friend and it might be no problem. You just have to be aware that by directly addrssing the subject, it could end up making it a bit uncomfortable. There's no clear cut answer here.
I read your other post on this subject too. I think you painted a good detailed picture of the situation. I strongly feel that your manager is already your friend. I would just take it slow and let the friendship continue to grow at its own natural pace and not "worry" about it at all. Of course I would take it slower than if he wasnt your manager and always remember that when your at work to keep it more manager/employee relationship. It sounds like a friendship that will last so keep it.
Thank you for the advice. A few months ago I did let the friendship just grow and not worry about it. It wasn't until last month when a coworker around my age found out I was gay started to distance himself from me I started to question my friendships. This coworker was the first person to talk to me when I was new. With school over and close friends gone, I don't have anyone to hangout with. The coworker has now quit (unrelated to me). I'm not gonna ask him if were friends because I feel that we are so there's no need for me to validate it. However, I know he's open to me telling him personal stuff; I'll talk to him about if him finding out I was gay bothered him at first as a way to address my former coworkers change of attitude. To Chip, turtlemom and everyone, I wanted to ask what does it mean to keep work (employee/manager) relationship and friendship separate? This is my first job so I don't know how a work relationship works besides staying professional. I never use my friendship with my manager to my advantage or argue with him. With him being my manager and slightly older than me, I treat him like an older brother with respect. Most of the time, I'm doing my work and concentrating on helping everyone else. If it means anything even before I befriended him (I didn't like him at first), he as well as another manager told me that I'm a hard worker. Occasionally, if work isn't busy and he's around my work area will talk about our shared interests. I only really go into friend mode after I clocked out and am waiting for him to close the restaurant/drive home.
