Hello everyone, it has been a while! Last month I believe I posted something here about how to "cope" witha situation between a straight friend feelinf left out after I starting sitting with my crush in the bus. Well, it was the last of my wastes of time. I came to empty closets to seek help about really important stuff, not something I could easily solve by myself, with a simple talk. And if I don't open myself to the real problems on the internet, how the hell am I suposed to face them everyday? I also spent a lot of time through topics here, trying to find people with similar issues, no results. So here it goes, the ultimate of my threads, because I really hope to find answers here at last. The real thing that is bugging me is, of course, that guy I like. Little catch up, he is just GORGEOUS, but he is openly gay for everyone, has a lot of girl friends, adicted to social media and a vicious nightclubber. In my head (intoxicated by my crush on him, I believe), he only does that because he wants to find love and he can't find it anywhere but on the regular gay-ish places. What makesme think he might be a sweet and lovely guy in the inside is the fact that he likes to talk about serious stuff sometimes, like politics and issues on our law school (I am one year ahead of him). I am a closeted gay. For many many reasons that everyone is tired to know over here (family would disown me, I am not ready to face the world, I am not financially independant and bla bla bla). The most important fact is that he knows I am gay and he is one of the few that I can talk about gay stuff, freely. We are really different, nobody would say we were meant to be, BUT STILL I CAN'T GET HIM OFF MY MIND. Since the beggining of this year I've been doing some crazy shit to have contact with him, and it actually worked out to the point he moved to my bus that we take to college and we sit together everyday, we are getting close, we can talk as regular friends. That's the thing, regular friends, not even best friends or close friends. I know it is premature to want to develop a deeper friendship, but I was expecting something, a little spark that never appeard. So, that being said, we act like we are two regular gay friends. He, adicted to social media, uses ****** and ######, he shows me his matches and I can't do anything but "yea, nice". I also talk about the hot guys in college, but still, nothing compared to his style, he is a total diva when talking about guys. What I seek here (finally), is something to make him have some kind of romantic interest on me. I know that that "chemistry" exists or not, that simple, but I still want a chance to make it work. Should I be more flirty? Should I use a different perfume? Should I ask him out for a drink, even though he looks at me like a "normal guy"? Those questions are driving me crazy, seriously! I would have no problem being flirty or touchy or anything, if I knew there was a glimpse of interest from his part. His honey colored eyes are simply opaque when we talk, I see no bright, I see nothing. He compliments him as a normal friend would do but nothing like he was ever trying something else. I am hitting my head on the wall, everyday. He is a guy that made me open myself a lot the world, cause I had to (at least a little bit) be "gayer" to call his attention, cause when he had no idea I was straight, he wouldn't even look on my face. This is tottaly weird, completely confusing and I am definetly lost. Thanks EC, in advance. Sorry for the long post, but I need a support.
Ask him for a drink! What do you have to lose? It sounds like you guys have enough to talk about that it wouldn't be weird to ask him to grab a beer. You can use law school stuff as an excuse: "Man, that test was brutal I could really use a drink." or "I'm so exhausted, I need some coffee. Wanna join me?" Worst case scenario you come out to him and you've made a gay platonic friend. Best case scenario he was waiting to feel you out and see where you are on the spectrum. If nothing comes out of it, you will be bolder for it; if something comes out of it, well... that's awesome.
Well, you can't really make someone have a romantic interest in you or anything like that. It's completely up to him, and if it's there, then great. If it's not there, then it's just not there. You can try flirting with him more, but the key thing to do, is to always be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not just to try to get him to like you or for any other reason. You said that you and him have a lot of differences, and sometimes opposites attract, but unfortunately he seems to just want to be friends. I'm not telling you to give up. Actually, you should try everything you can if you're that serious about him, and as long as you remain yourself always, don't come on too strong, and don't do anything too ridiculous. The most important thing to figure out though, is why you like him so much, especially if you two are so different. Is it just his looks? Is it his personality? What draws you so much towards wanting to be more then friends with him? If you two had many similarities, then answering those questions would probably be easier, but you said you don't. Based on what you wrote, (and I'm sorry if I'm way off here) it seems that you do a lot of guessing with him. You said you think he's a sweet loving guy on the inside, but you don't know for sure, and he doesn't portray himself to be that. Could it be the idea of him being the right one for you that draws you toward him, or is there something more then that? Try to picture your life in the future if you did start dating him. Not as you think he is, but how he makes himself out to be? Are you happy? Are you sure he's the one, after taking all of this to thought and imagining what it would be like? The best advice I can give to you after you take all of that into consideration, is to just be yourself. Maybe flirt with him more; just be sure not to come on to strong, creepy, or obsessive. If he's the right guy for you, then eventually things will work out. If not, then you are only going to create more problems for yourself if you try to force it, and you may lose him then, so be careful. Sorry I couldn't help more, but best of luck.
Thanks for the support so far. I am still seeking opinions to clear my mind. He clearly portraits to be that kind because it seems he needs that to show himself up as the stereotypes, to make someone look at him or anything. I say that cause when we talk he seems... Different! I am totally messed up here =/
If you are struggling that much with this guy, I would ask him on a date point blank. Nothing will answer your internal questions more quickly than that. You can analyze and rethink this 100 different times and never know how he feels. If asking directly isn't your thing, I would confess that you could really use a date and open yourself up to him and give him the opportunity to ask you out. To me though, and you aren't going to like this, it sounds like he is likely a regular 20something who has sex on the brain and is likely motivated by little more. The "serious" topics you speak of tend to just be topical discussions. If he started to tell you about his family, his dreams, his childhood and how all those things make him feel, I would count those things as more serious conversations. As far as the social media and such...well, yeah, that goes back to what I said about being a normal 20something. He is just a typical guy. Sounds like you want us to ask him for you. Get him on here and I'll tell him you want to jump his bones.. (I am just kidding of course....well maybe half kidding). Think about what you want from him. Take a step back from the physical attraction for a moment and look at who he is. Would he be the type of person you would want as a fixture in your life long term if he wasn't so HOT? Once the novelty of him being hot wears off (and it will), you have to live with the person inside. Is that something you want?
I have to be honest and say I don't think he is looking for a relationship. I know you are really hoping he is, but it doesn't sound like it. Usually people on the apps and clubbers are looking for one thing: sex. I know it sucks. I've met a lot of guys I really liked at the time, but they only wanted sex, and I wanted a relationship. It sucks, but it happens. There are plenty of other people out there though. Another thing, I think you should analyze why you like him so much. From your posts, you seem very different from each other. Differences can be good in some things, but major life differences can equal big problems. For example, you seem to want to settle down; he seems to want to mess around. I totally understand how you are trying to see the best in him and "thinking" that he wants to settle down. I do the same thing when I meet a guy. I always see what I want to in them, instead of what is actually there. So, I suggest you analyze why you like him besides his looks and that he knows you are gay. If you don't have much in common, it'll be easier to detach now (trust me I made that mistake. I can go into detail if you want). If you do decide that you like him for what he actually is, I say go for it. I can't be much help here, but what I will say is not to come on too strong. People like a little bit of a chase. For example, nothing makes me want someone more than knowing that they don't want me. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I have guys hit on me all of the time. I think it's sweet, but it doesn't make me want them. What makes me want them is when they don't seem at all interested in me. I start to think, "Why doesn't he like me?" And stuff like that. Then I try to impress them. I'm not saying don't care, but just don't be too available if you know what I mean. That was the problem with my last relationship. I came on too strong; there wasn't a chase; he broke up with me. *Take this above paragraph with a grain of salt. It may be true for me, but I don't know about others Just make sure you actually like HIM, not just your idea of him.
I do, mister Skov, I do. We are actually getting close to each other to the point we can freely talk about guys we find hot on out college or on the street. He seems very unsure about what he is doing, at least I don't know if he goes out everyday to hook up with a random guy or if he goes to parties... He also lacks a true friend, that is what I hear from other people, he only shares stuff to his little bitches on social media and that's all. The situation is heading to the point where I can't be more confused. I like his looks, I like the way he acts, I like his "other" side, when he is not seeking attention from anyone. In the other hand, I feel completely lost when he starts talking about his friends and his nightlife and all that stuff. Everything is just messing me around, I get angry when he skips a day of class cause I won't see him and it kinda ruins the whole point of going to college well dressed and everything. Damn, I must be getting crazy hahahaha
If you are sure you actually like him, here's my suggestions: 1) Always look and smell your best. If you need any help with recommendations on products, you can ask me or any of your friends that are girls. 2) Be a little flirty. You don't need to flirt all of the time, but you're going to need to show a little interest. 3) Don't come across as clingy. That's definitely one of the biggest turn offs and is pretty much why I got dumped. 4) Make him want you. I know this is easier said than done. Find out what little things make him tick and do them. I'm not saying change yourself, but just learn some little behaviors. For example, I would do this look that would drive my ex crazy haha 5) Most importantly be yourself. If you aren't yourself, it won't work. 6) You could make a move, but I'm not qualified to give advice on that If he doesn't like you back, there isn't much you can do. I get boy crazy too. Just try not to attach yourself too much unless it is actually going somewhere (I have problems doing this). Best of luck
I'll have that, please hahahaha Thing is, mister Skov, that he seems to be atracted to older guys, to MEN. When we are next to each other, he always commensts about how hot some men can be, even teachers from college. In the other hand I am atracted to younger guys, same age sort of. It can't be explained in words the way he drives me crazy. I tried a lot of things and ultimately what is making me confortable is that he is a Virgo and I am Pisces, two very very opposites but can complete each other. And I never believed in that horoscope cheap stuff untill now, that is somehow giving me hope.
For products here's what I recommend (it works for me): 1) When you shower, make sure you use a body wash, not a bar of soap. Generally, more expensive is better, but it's up to you how much you want to spend. Personally, I think Bath and Body works men's stuff is amazing (just not white citrus). When they have sales, stock up. Otherwise, dial and CERTAIN scents of axe work pretty well. 2) As far as cologne, it depends on what kind of scent you are going for. There is sweeter and muskier smelling ones. I use Polo Red, and love it. You can find it at Sephora or most department stores. There are lots of options though. If you have a sephora nearby, I'd recommend going and smelling the colognes. You'll undoubtedly find one you like. (If you're unsure about scents or going to Sephora, ask a friend who is a girl to go along with you if possible). 3) I also recommend a body lotion that smells good. I'm not talking Jergens extra healing; I mean like again, bath and body works. I particularly like their Noir (I think that's how it's spelled) scent, and the last guy I was seeing used Paris, which smelled really good. Really though number 1, plus deodorant is the most important IMO. -- I don't really know what can be said about the age thing. We all have our preferences, but they usually always absolute. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket. I'm not saying give up, but I'd try to detach yourself a tad more. I know you are boy crazy right now (and believe me I have been there too), but there are over 3.5 billion other guys on this planet. I still have problems realizing this. All in all, I hope everything works out for you
