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25 year old lesbian and 45 year old lesbian

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Alehkz, May 28, 2014.

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  1. Alehkz

    Alehkz
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    The thought of me having a short affair with this 45 year old woman is tremendous. I think I could possibly get into a relationship with a 45 year old woman. I am just afraid that she might be a wise old witch and also take advantage of my nativeness and ingenuité. I am 25, still not done with college, have two jobs, drive an awesome 13 year old car (like solid steel back when cars were safe), and I have many hobbies, not much of an outgoing party person. I am also very stable and committed. But what challenges might arise dating a 45 year old woman?? :icon_wink
     
    #1 Alehkz, May 28, 2014
  2. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    I feel the same way about dating an older woman that you do , not sure what to look for since I've never dated one. I always worry I'd get used for sex
     
    #2 stocking, May 28, 2014
  3. flyinhernikes

    flyinhernikes Guest

    im not sure what challenges apart from perhaps she may want to settle down (possibly again if she was previously married or something)..... if not then she may even be looking for a wife now. it may be a long way off in terms of what you both may want long term if you dont want that and even if she is looking for that. short term, there shouldnt be much of an issue if you are both just wanting a casual thing.

    but go on dates and get to know her, thats the only way you can find out ehat shes like and if you are both compatible short or long term :slight_smile:
     
    #3 flyinhernikes, May 29, 2014
  4. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    With older women I'd worry you will be used and abused,with older woman they are cunning ,shrewd,negative and controlling.shes a cougar
     
    #4 Rosepetal, May 29, 2014
  5. Chip

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    From what I've seen and people I've talked to, there are a lot of age gap relationships among lesbian couples, and I've not seen or observed or heard about many of them that are healthy.

    Power and control dynamics come into play and with that large an age gap, there's an almost insurmountable difference in life experience, usually income, stage-of-life differences, and all sorts of other things.

    It's almost impossible to overcome those issues and have the relationship be healthy. Not quite impossible, but almost. I'd advise against it.
     
    #5 Chip, May 29, 2014
  6. BelleFromHell

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    Yet another negative stereotype people will use to justify their prejudice against me.
    Goddamn, I HATE the lesbian community...

    Anyways, I agree with Chip. Relationships with huge age gaps tend to be unhealthy. Of course, there are exceptions, but most of them are pretty unhealthy. 10 years isn't too big of a deal, but 20+ years isn't very healthy.

    Let's be realistic here, if a 50 year old came up to a 20 year old and asked them out, there's a 99.99999999% chance that the 50 year old wants nothing but sex from the 20 year old.

    In the very slim chance that the 50 year old actually loved and cared for the 20 year old, they still have to worry about the 50 year old dying long before the 20 year old does.

    Of course, it didn't really matter what the age of the person is after you said the word "affair".
    [​IMG]
     
    #6 BelleFromHell, May 29, 2014
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    Actually, I don't agree with the above at all. I think a *lot* of age-gap relationships demonstrate genuine caring.

    The problem is, the caring, at least in my experience, tends to be very codependent. The 50 year old is seeking someone to take care of as an unconscious way of giving what she never got (one of the main roots of codependency). So you have someone who genuinely loves, to the best of her ability, the younger person, but because the codependency is so deeply woven into the fabric of the relationship, it cannot be healthy. Worse, most of the time neither party even is aware of the codependency, so the patterns get woven in more deeply, creating further codependency, further imbalance, and often times making it difficult for the younger person to experience and actualize real independence.

    Also, with regard to stereotypes... just because something is a stereotype doesn't mean it isn't an accurate representation of a common patttern. Where we get into trouble is when we start prejudging people based on stereotypes we hold.

    Now I know somebody's going to jump out and say "But I don't want to be judged for having a 30 year age gap in my relationship, when mine is perfectly healthy" and it is true there are a small number of such relationships that are healthy. But they're few and far between, and as stated above, the problem is that a huge portion of those who are in unhealthy relationships, which do form the majority of such age-gap relationships, don't even realize how unhealhthy they are until the relationship ends. We have quite a few people here on EC who have realized that the hard way, and only then do they start working on the issues that bring them toward unhealthy relationships in the first place.
     
    #7 Chip, May 29, 2014
  8. prussianblue100

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    I don't really understand where you come from, but it's your life, right? Anyway, problems that you two might have is probably judgement from others involving your sexual orientation and the age difference. Of course, you already know this, but just thought I should point that out. Also, you might have trouble finding a 45 year old single lesbian out there when you're still in college. That's just what I think.
     
    #8 prussianblue100, May 29, 2014
  9. Kat 5

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    Ahem. Big cat is the correct term.


    Not really. I am just making stuff up.
    The age gap could possibly work.
     
    #9 Kat 5, May 29, 2014
  10. Sig

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    Ouch Rosepetal! I'm going to remind you of this post in however many years it is till you're forty five
     
    #10 Sig, May 30, 2014
    Last edited: May 30, 2014
  11. mobrien1993

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    I would say the biggest challenge would be the age difference. I mean a lot of the things she may be interested in, you may have never even heard of before. Different music, tv shows, movies, celebrities, etc. which could kind of make conversation difficult. Besides within a few years your still going to want to be having fun and she's going to be older and may not be as up for running around and having a good time.
     
    #11 mobrien1993, May 30, 2014
  12. stocking

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    When I'm an older lesbian I want to be a cougar:slight_smile: I think I will be just loving those 20 somethings up . I don't look my age so I'm not gonna look 45 when I get to that age so I know I'll be cougaring big time :grin:
     
    #12 stocking, May 30, 2014
  13. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    I know how you feel, I like a lot of people far older than me, I'm 18. But I think that the real problem is what will happen if everything works out. You fall in love completely, become life partners, and then they die way before you, leaving you all alone.
     
    #13 Wuggums47, May 30, 2014
  14. nizz

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    I've dated 2 older women, the first one was very dominant in the relationship(10 year gap). She was in the settling fase of her life, the problems we had was that outsiders didnt approve of the age gap and the fact that we were in different stages of our life where we wanted different things in life(read wasnt ready for a family). The second one was a woman i worked with she was 23 years older then me. It always felt wrong with her, like something was off. I am fairly sure she was just using me for sex, so i eventionaly ended it. Don't know if any of that helps you but thats the experiances ive had.
     
    #14 nizz, May 30, 2014
  15. Alehkz

    Alehkz
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    Yeah the woman I am talking about is 45 and I am 25. I make more income than she does. She has three kids and a grandson. She was married to a man and a woman at one point...I don'twant anything serious with her. I only view her as a friend to be honest but we know a lot about each other. I read her birthday that she was born in '69. I was born in '89. Um... She could have been my mom at that age. So...that'swhy iIwwas asking because I am kind of attracted to older women. I just need to find the right one, I'm sure. This one I been talking to seems to only want me around for sex. :/ and as an emotional crutch.
     
    #15 Alehkz, May 30, 2014
  16. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    lady it's true for every old person to see someone young they want the young person for sex
     
    #16 Rosepetal, May 30, 2014
  17. Ghosting

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    From my own experience, age gaps CAN matter... And age gaps can NOT matter.

    A lot of it - in my opinion - will depend on life experiences and how well the people can relate, respect, not judge, leave alone (some things just need to be experienced to be understood), and compromise.

    Also, Chip's concerns - though nothing is for certain - has some truth to it.

    The relationships CAN work (18 years between myself and my older partner and it was a beautiful and very enriching one, we eventually split up because of moving and me realizing I wasn't ready to settle down when they were even though they said they weren't) but age gaps can provide a bit of an extra 'bridge' to cross when communicating.

    All the best whichever way you decide!
     
    #17 Ghosting, May 31, 2014
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