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Dilemma of a High School Student

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by brbrow5, May 30, 2014.

  1. brbrow5

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    First Post!

    So this has been an amazing year for me and I have not only come out to friends at work, but I dated someone there for a few months (didn't work out but were still friends), and then came out to my family! I am struggling though because knowing that this group of people loves me for my whole self makes me want to display my whole self to everyone, not just this select few. It is like when you are given just a taste of chocolate cake, and it makes you want to devour the whole slice. Yet, at the same time, as a high school junior, who happens to be Class President and in pretty good social standing, I don't know if I, or the school, is ready for me to come out just yet.
    One of my friends from work went with me to a party last weekend. I had the idea of pretending to "hook up" with her in order to protect my closeted life for senior year. When we went through with it, I was met with the initial success of "Good job" and "Way to go" from some other friends at the party, who approved of me getting with a girl. It had been a while, as my last girlfriend had been freshmen year and we had only kissed before I called it quits. It was now junior year and it looked like my plan had worked. On Monday morning, I was gravely mistaken. It seemed that instead of reassuring my straightness, my plan had put my sexuality in question among my peers. In one of my classes, I could vaguely hear two kids who were at the party, discussing whether they thought I was gay or straight. It seems that they either did not fall for it, or were generally confused because they had always had suspicions about me being gay and now were turned in another direction. Either way, I am now tormented by the entire thing. It is frustrating to pretend to be someone I am not, but at least for now, I feel that it is necessary. Still, why did I have to do something so stupid? It seems like now, a couple days later, it is starting to blow over and will most likely be lost in the frequently changing winds of high school gossip. We shall see where it goes, I suppose.

    Does anyone else have any stories of things they have done to protect the reputation of their closeted selves? Or have any advice for me on navigating school life? Thanks for reading! :icon_bigg
     
  2. GayTeen

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    Hey, welcome to EC!!! Are you in college or high school, or what?

    Anyways, I'm in high school and before I (kinda) came out, I had to force myself to talk about girls with my guy friends... but it really didn't work in the end.
     
  3. brbrow5

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    I'm a Junior in High School. Thanks for responding!
     
  4. GayTeen

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    No problem. I'm glad to share my own experiences.
     
  5. resu

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    I knew a guy who was Class President (and later was out as gay), and I think it would have been a lot braver for him to come out. I remember how people used to snicker at girls competing to be his prom date; he may not have been out, but he was kind of obvious. But he was kind of pompous since he had been a minor actor. IMO, you should not pretend to be straight even if that makes people suspect you of being gay. Ask yourself why should you desire a reputation for being closeted?