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came out to my religious mom

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by me0w, Jun 1, 2014.

  1. me0w

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    Okay so I told my mom that I was gay a couple of days back. Surprisingly, she didn't flip out or anything, she was all calm and understanding. She told me that it was okay to be attracted to members of the same sex, and that it's just natural... But then she said that I should not act upon my feelings, she said that being involved in homosexual activities would be a one way ticket to hell. Then she told me that we were going to have prayer sessions every single day of the summer before I leave for college, so as to "pray the gay out of me". All i want is for my mom to accept me for who I am, and I don't think that that's ever going to happen. My religious mom coupled with my homophobic country are all in a way forcing me to change who I am. But I like being gay, it just feels right y'know and I do not think that that will ever change. Plus I was planning on trying to apply to colleges in other countries so that I'd leave the homophobic country that I'm living in, but now that my mom knows that I'm gay, I don't think she'll let me (apply to colleges abroad)... So my question is, how do I convince my mom to not try and meddle in with my sexual orientation? How do I tell her to just let me be?
     
    #1 me0w, Jun 1, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2014
  2. Najlen

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    Can she really stop you from leaving if that's what you want? I'm sorry that she isn't accepting. You could try telling her that if God created all people, then he created gay people too. You could also try to explain that you can't change the way you are, you want to be this way. PFLAG is a good resource, if you can get her to look at it. She is your mother, and so she's probably worried about you, so that could influence her behavior. Be patient with her. She may come around, or she may not, but if you're 17 she can't control you for much longer. Other than that, I can't think of much else.
     
  3. ALilConfused

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  4. Jiramanau

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    You can't talk someone with a religious mind into changing their opinion. Just tell her your not comfortable with her doing this. Welcome her to pray for whatever she wants but you like the way god made you and won't ask him to change you.
     
  5. jaynesgirl84

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    You also need to decided if you will be able to live with her acting this way all the time. Maybe if you went to her and told her that you were leaving the country and why she will at least listen to you. Also as as sad as this is it may take you leaving for her to realize what she is giving up.
     
  6. resu

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    Don't go to the prayer sessions. You might tell her to read this about Mary Griffith, whose son committed suicide because of her religious intolerance. Their story was the inspiration for a book and film "Prayers for Bobby."
    Robert Bernstein | PFLAG - Washington, DC
     
  7. Sarah2695

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    I am sorry about this. I know what you are going through. My dad is a pastor and...well, my whole family including myself are christian. When I came out to my mom, she reacted the exact same way. I understand how frustrating it feels, like you can never truly be yourself. I can just hope that in time your mother will accept you. Good luck!
     
  8. IG88

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    Your mom's reaction wasn't the best, at least she considers being gay natural. As far as practicing homosexuals going to hell ... 1) It's not for humans to take over God's role as the judge for who gets to go to heaven or hell and 2) practicing homosexuality isn't the worst "sin" of them all, it just gets the loudest protests.

    Matthew Vines's video is a good resource for you to check out. It goes through the major "gay verses" of the Bible and explains them. I can't recommend showing that video to your mom right away, but perhaps there are other resources out there for her to look at. Just know that God loves you just the way he made you.

    Maybe you can make a deal with her concerning the prayer sessions. If you let her pray over you every night for the rest of the summer, and if God hasn't changed your orientation by the time college comes, then she can't try and change or pray over you to change ever again. Even better, you can shorten this summer time to 40 days. 40 days has a lot of significance in the Bible ... Noah's flood lasted that long and so did the time Jesus spent in the wilderness. You should make it clear that 40 days has a religious significance, and if God doesn't change you by day 41 then it's time for everyone to accept who you are.

    Just apply for abroad colleges anyway. Hopefully they can have scholarships you can fill out. Possibly LGBT related ones too. Since she's religious, it may be better to let her get the pray out of her. Like, she may feel guilty if she didn't make any attempt to pray to make you straight, and would feel hostile toward you for "choosing the wrong lifestyle" or something like that. Hang in there! (*hug*)
     
  9. me0w

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    update: so after having coming out, my mom got very quiet. I figured that she had kept silent cause i had exams coming up and maybe she wanted me to focus only on my exams and nothing else. But even after finishing my exams, my mom still had not said a word about the whole me being gay thing. A week passed after i had finished school and I finally decided to ask her why she'd kept silent. So one night i asked her why she had been avoiding the topic and if she'd stopped caring about me and if she'd started to hate me or something. She replied by saying that first off, i'm her son and she would never hate me no matter what. Then she said that the reason she'd kept quiet was because she didn't want to intimidate me or anything, she said that it's my life and it's not for her to decide which ever gender i should be attracted to...She said it wouldn't matter if i get married to a boy, she wouldn't cut off all contact with me or anything. "Your happiness is what matters to me" she said.
    So yeah, the state I'm in right now is pretty good. My mom is the only person that matters to me in life and if she accepts me for who i am, i couldn't be any more happier.
    ---thanks for the replies---
     
    #9 me0w, Jun 20, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2014
  10. Melanie

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    Great news... I was concerned after your first post.
     
  11. Loira

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    It's great to hear that she came around so quickly and that she loves you no matter what. I´m happy for you!
     
  12. mangotree

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    Congrats on coming out and glad it went well... sort of...

    See if you can get her to sit down and watch the movie "Prayers for Bobby".

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys5TyY8RaxI
    (this is the full movie on Youtube)

    Peace be with you (*hug*)
     
    #12 mangotree, Jun 20, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2014
  13. IG88

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    Talk about a plot twist! Woo, spread the love, congrats!
     
  14. Nychthemeron

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    Just had to pop in here and say congratulations! I'm real happy for you, man. Thanks a lot for sharing. It's a real comfort to know that love can overpower religious beliefs.
     
  15. peaceofmind

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    I can't understand why some religious people think the only sin according to their religion is being gay because the only "sin" they care about is being gay. My mom is not so religious but still religious, and Muslim but when I came out to her, she was like "oh, honey, I'm happy when you're happy". Now she attends to conferences about homosexuality. The reason is that she was informed about homosexuality. Maybe you should help your mom have some information about homosexuality and homosexuals.

    Edit : I've just read your update, congrats. :slight_smile:
     
    #15 peaceofmind, Jun 24, 2014
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  16. me0w

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    update: so a few weeks passed by and I started noticing how my mom made small comments like 'I wonder what your children are going to look like' or 'I wonder what your wife is going to be like' whenever we'd talk about the future. At first I just thought she was teasing me in a friendly manner, just so as to be funny or something, but then she kept on making these silly remarks over and over again. So one night I asked her why she keeps on saying 'wife' and 'children' and stuff when I had clearly told her that I'm gay, she replied "My god is a god that does miracles, there is nothing that he cant fix."
    Right after she said that to me, I felt so sad. I realized that all those things that she had said to me , things like it's okay to be gay and that she accepts me for who I am, were all lies. And the way she referred to God as 'my god' makes me feel as if god has left me, as if he hates me and is disappointed of me. I had made such progress, but now I feel like I'm back at square one. Even though I didn't have friends at least I had a mother who was accepting of who I am, but now I have nothing. Being seen as a disappointment in the eyes of both my mother and God hurts... Now I spend my days crying and trying to muster up the courage to commit suicide. I feel so unwanted and stupid. I am a waste of space. I live in a homophobic country that sentences homosexuals for up to 25 years in jail if found. I have no hope of leaving my country. I will never be in a relationship with anybody, I will be living a miserable life till I die and I'll probably go to hell after. I've lost hope in everything.
     
  17. mangotree

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    I'm really really really really sorry that this has happened to you, it sounds awful.
    I just want you to know that everyone who uses this site cares about you and wants you to keep inspiring us with your bravery.

    Please please please please don't end your life. You're an important part of this world.

    Your mum should come around to the idea of being gay again.
    It sounds like she's praying hard for you which is pretty common among religious parents and friends of LGBT people.
    From her original remarks, she's previously been open to acceptance and love - so the answers to her prayers will most likely be acceptance and love. That's what God is all about.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    D
     
  18. bicomplicated

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    I am so sorry your mom backpeddled about accepting you for who you are. :frowning2: If you ever have any more problems, at least WE are here for you. There are people who care and accept you. How about you pray for your mother that she will accept you for who you are? No one is perfect. But I believe God sees all his people as His perfect work. You are perfect just the way you are. Maybe your mom will come around in time. And why can't you leave the country? Is your mom paying for your tuition? Can you look into scholarships? Try looking into every possible solutiion. :slight_smile: Hugs!
     
  19. me0w

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    Thanks for caring. I can't leave my country because I come from a poor family. My father passed away around 9 years ago and ever since, we haven't had as much money as there used to be. With an annual income of only $7000, I cant see how my mother would be able to finance the tuition costs I would ask of her whilst abroad...I would need a scholarship that would cover the full cost of tuition and also other things like room and board, summer housing etc inorder to leave, but since I have mediocre grades and a not so impressive extracurricular record, leaving this country is nothing short of impossible in my eyes at the moment.
    I've decided to just stay here and attend college. Who knows, I just might like it here and maybe even find a partner along the way...
    About my mom, I do not care what she thinks of me anymore. Let her judge me or whatever, but I know that God loves me for who I am, and it's not for her to decide whether something is a sin or not.