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Still in denial because I'm no perfect son.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ghost_in_the_sewer, Jun 1, 2014.

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  1. ghost_in_the_sewer

    ghost_in_the_sewer
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    I some times think about why did I have to become gay? Because with all my other siblings being all druggies and on wal-fare, I wanted to become that perfect son that would give the life my parents dreamed of like not being able to think about next payments, worrying about retirement and not thinking about that your perfect son is actually not so perfect after all. I just hate it because they're already going through a lot with friends funerals, no retirement and worrying about my siblings education in school. They even told me about me being that one child they wanted and that hurt me harder than anything else because I'm not actually what they dreamed of. That's why I keep on thinking to myself that I'm not gay but deep inside that I might and I don't want that to happen because I just want my parents to be worry-free.

    Is that wrong? Or no? Because I can't figure it out anymore.
     
    #1 ghost_in_the_sewer, Jun 1, 2014
  2. frxstrating

    frxstrating
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    Your parents seem nice enough to respect druggies who are your siblings, so wouldn't it be natural for them to respect you equally? Are they homophobic? If not, then you will always be "perfect material" to your parents.
     
    #2 frxstrating, Jun 1, 2014
  3. mangotree

    mangotree
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    What about being gay makes you less perfect?

    Here's a couple of positives about being a gay son:
    When you get older, you'll be less likely to have "unexpected" children like your parents did. If you choose to have children, there will be a lot more planning.
    Having less (or no) children will mean you will be better off financially and more able to support your parents and have more time to see them in their retirement.
    I'm not saying children are a financial burden, but most parents make a lot of (and are very happy to make) sacrifices for their kids.

    I know it's hard sometimes, but just try to find some positives in your situation.

    Peace be with you.
     
    #3 mangotree, Jun 1, 2014
  4. Fluffy penguins

    Fluffy penguins
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    The perfect son is a gay son
     
    #4 Fluffy penguins, Jun 1, 2014
  5. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    There is no "perfect son" stop stressing about it, your homosexuality has no effect on their opinion on your "perfection". If you really wish to help you parents and make them proud, get an education, learn a trade or go to college, and help them that way.

    I don't normally do this, but what the hell lol
    I dropped out of highschool, and picked up carpentry from my father, but I didn't like it. so I did some research and found this place: Job Corp. Funded by the government it gives Teens (15-24) a chance at a better life, they will help you get your G.E.D. or Diploma depending on your HS credits, then they will teach you a tradeskill. Anything from A-Z. You will live on campus, and be able to visit home every weekend. You will also get a stipend every 2 weeks from $24-$75 depending on how long you've been there. After you finish your trade class you can choose to resign from Job Corps or go further into a specialization. Or you can choose to stay on an extra year or 2 and they'll pay for your college.
    I did Independent Electrical Contracting and Furthered my Trade into a specialization of Line-Man (power line work).

    Upon graduating you are given a huge check (I think it is something like $300 for Diploma/G.E.D., $700 for finishing a trade class, $50 per college credits earned)
    They also offer job placement, and Housing services. for a year after graduation. You will also gain a tax bonus for 1 year following graduation.

    Welcome to Job Corps
     
    #5 Claudette, Jun 1, 2014
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    I have a friend who had a very similar situation to yours: both of his siblings have had (and still have) serious drug issues, and he was "the perfect one" who never used any drugs or got into trouble... the one his parents set their hopes on. He was really, really worried about disappointing them.

    When he eventually came out to them, around 23 or so, they were completely supportive and had absolutely no problem with it. Now he's in his late 20s... his siblings are still having drug issues and are basically fuck-ups, but he's doing just fine, and his parents are very happy to have a healthy, loving son.

    I'm sure your parents will be thee same way. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Chip, Jun 2, 2014
  7. resu

    resu
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    I'm an only child, but I've often felt the same pressure to be always good and never make ripples. I was basically the peacekeeper between my mom and dad's arguments, and I basically sacrificed any real personal life outside of extended family. This has had a huge impact on me, making me go from just a "normal" introvert to someone with social anxiety would couldn't even move out when I went to college.

    Ultimately, all this did was stunt my personal growth, delaying the inevitable. Now that I'm far from my home, my parents call me every other day, always saying how much they miss me. I still worry about the aftermath when I come out (hopefully soon) from other relatives, but I realize that I need to live my life, as well.
     
    #7 resu, Jun 2, 2014
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