I know my parents, and I know how they'll react if they find out anything about who I really am. They are very religious, as am I, but they are also very homophobic. They have no reservations about the things they say regarding the LGBT community, and it's very upsetting. I will be disowned, and that is the hardest part. It's rather scary for me to think of not having my parents, they're the only people I've ever really had in my life. I'm an introverted person, and don't have many friends, and I have no one who really understands the situation I am in, or I can't really talk to them about it. I feel very trapped and alone. I recently graduated from college, and have lived with my parents through college to save money. I'm working and saving up to move out and far away from them, but the person that I love becomes upset and angry with me because I won't stand up to my parents right now. She has already come out to her parents and they were accepting of her. It isn't easy for me to be around my parents, but I don't have enough money to leave, and I also don't want to upset the woman I love any longer. I can't stand hurting her, but I also am not in a good place to come out to my parents. I am terrified of my parents, for my own emotional and physical safety, I don't want to tell them anything until I am gone and away from them. I don't know what to do, because I don't want to hurt the woman I love anymore, but I am also not prepared to come out to my parents. She doesn't understand what it's like to have extremely hateful parents, and I feel as if I can't really talk to her about them or go to her for support because she just becomes upset with me. I feel like there is no one out there that I can safely talk to who knows what it's like to be in my shoes. How does anything ever get better?
First, you are not alone, and your trap is mostly in your head. You can talk to us as much as you want. The person you're with is being unreasonable, and I think it's because she doesn't understand the severity of the situation. I don't blame you for not coming out to them now. I did the same thing, and it's been almost two years of being away from them (and financially independent) for me to seriously considered coming out. You might tell her that you need a break from the relationship.
I just wish she would or could understand where I am coming from. She was very fortunate to have parents that are accepting. She wants things done now though, but I simply am not ready. I want to get away from my parents and move out, I can't wait until I have enough money to do so, but for now it's really weighing on me because my parents are so hateful, and it worries me, and she isn't understanding of the situation either. Maybe you are right though, I might need a bit of a break, and just keep working on saving up money and moving out. Thank you for your advice.
You say your parents are hateful. Is this a homophobic hateful? Or have you experienced past verbal abuse from them that has been hatefully directed towards you? Have you tried talking to your parents about their faith and their feelings or behaviors towards LGBT folk? Why do you have a sense of physical fear? You don't want to put yourself in harms way needlessly. If you need more time, your partner should be willing to support you. If she cannot, this is something that is probably good to know, because that might reappear later in your relationship too.
Yes, homophobic hateful. I will regularly hear them make hateful homophobic comments, but not directly related to me. I don't think they know about my sexuality. I've been verbal about their faith and their behaviors towards the LGBT community as well. I have faith too, and I've tried to explain my point of view, but they are very set in their ways. I have a sense of physical fear because my father has spoken about beating up people, in his past, that were in the LGBT community. Doesn't sound very Christian like of him, I know. I have experienced the darker side of my father before, and I don't know how he would react. I do need more time, just to get safely away, but I don't know if she wants to wait anymore, and it isn't something that I can just get over or away from overnight. I think I need to take a break from her, even though I don't want to, it seems that is the best option available.
I think she is being very unreasonable. You have a very good and real reason for not coming out to your parents now and if she can't see that you need to ask yourself some serious questions about her. Does she really want to expose you to the hate and wrath of your parents? Does she really want you to be abandoned by them and thrown out onto the street with no safety or security? She needs to consider what will happen and what she is asking of you, and if she isn't prepared to do that, maybe you need to ask yourself a few questions about her.
I totally understand your situation, and I feel for you sweetie. I am in a similar situation, a little different though. I live with my mother who is an alcoholic, she has a job but is unable to fully support herself thus she lives with me. My sister needs me for moral support all the time with her husband, job, friends, she often says she would go crazy if she wouldn't have me to talk with. I know both of them would not accept my sexual orientation, so I fear what will happen to them when they no longer have me. I know it sounds irrational, but they are my family and I care about what happens to them. As far as your girlfriend, she really should be more understanding of your situation, you're not trying to hurt her, you're not telling them for your own reasons. I think you should wait till you're financially stable to tell them. Best of luck, hang in there.
