Hi Everyone, I don't know quite how to put this, but I've been out of the closet for about a year now and I'm in my 30's. The thing is, and this is really freaking me out, is that the idea of being in a relationship with someone and, even worse, the idea of being physically intimate with another woman is really freaking me out. I guess its been a really hard road getting to this point where I'm out and feeling reasonably ok with it all, but I've only ever slept with men and so I'm kinda still healing from all that, but, I don't know, I just don't know how this stuff is meant to feel if it is something that I actually want and I'm just sort or terrified of going out into the world and feeling attracted to people... It might sound strange... to be over 30 and so freaked out by all of this, but that's the way it is for me right now. I was just wondering if anyone feels or has felt the same way about this kind of thing? I have been to a couple of meetings of a local lesbian group, but I find that quite terrifying and overwhelming as I have a major social anxiety problem to go with this all. I guess I'm just not the kind of person who things just happen to naturally, I'm the kind of person who falls in love with their straight flatmate then has a nervous breakdown and tells flatmate and the flatmate has never spoken to me since (I moved out). Thanks
Hi! Honestly, it's pretty hard getting into the local community. And, if it makes you feel any better, I have actually met poop-tonnes of ladies with similar problems. First off, I'm sorry about your flatmate. That sort of thing happens to the best of us, and it's never a good feeling. My advice for the sex bit - you don't have to take it - is to, first of all, relax. You don't have to figure it all out right this second. Do a little exploring on your own on the Internet. Read stories, watch movies, get comfortable with lesbianism. Roll around in it, get dirty, whatever. Make sure you have AdBlock. There are a few resources on YouTube - I suggest just typing "Coming out advice" into the search bar and seeing what comes up. Then, this is truly optional, I would suggest perhaps taking a peek at lesbian porn. I will warn you right now that, like all porn, you need to take it with a grain of salt. While it may not necessarily be accurate, it can help you with the idea of ladies being physical with each other. Again, make sure you have AdBlock. As for actually having sex, I can't help you there. Your first time with another lady, just like a first time with anyone, will probably be awkward. It happens, and it's ok. If you're still attending the local lesbian group meetings, awesome! Keep it up (unless you don't like anyone there)! Make friends! Join the inner lesbian circle!
Hi, Helen. It's a process. It didn't take you overnight to accept yourself and come out, right? In the same way it may take you some more time to get comfortable about being intimate with another woman. Maybe you need to have someone you care about, someone who you trust and have an emotional connection with first and then the idea of having sex with them would come to feel more natural than to imagine having sex with a complete stranger? How do you feel about kissing, touching and cuddling? These things feel awesome and can naturally put you in the mood to try more. And don't worry if you need to take things more slowly, take them slow, you don't need to have sex with women right away. Get to know someone first and see how you feel.
