Why do people move so quickly in a relationship?????

Wolf123 · Jun 3, 2014

Why do people feel a need or want to rush things in a relationship?

Here is a bit of why I ask. I have had two people already say they want to be friends (first person is out of my life, simply because it became too much). I say sure and we start to plan things. My issue isn't that they want to plan things and hang out, its that they want to know every single thing about me. I think they assume that they are doing what is best, by delving into deeper stuff; to be honest they are making me want to run for the hills. I have to admit, I texted them that I like to get to know people as times passes; not when I first meet them. I don't want this person to assume I am attacking them because it isn't my intention. I am just tired of people who say they are so curious and become more of a counselor than a friend. I did explain to this person that I first hangout with people multiple times and then may confide in them.

I think I understand why I get confused with these types of people now. I will run if someone wants to move quickly in a relationship because honestly it doesn't give me any time to catch up.

Anyways, I am just curious if I made the right decision in telling someone this? I feel I got a little off topic on what we were talking about, but I have done the whole move fast with someone before (even with a friendship) and it almost took me out. Also, why do you believe people feel a need to rush things in a relationship whether it be friendship and or romantic?

Thank you to all who respond.

Monraffe · Jun 3, 2014

I'm afraid I'm one of those people who rush into getting as close as possible to others. I suspect there are many reasons behind this type of behavior, in my case it's probably due to the way I was brought up. My father was away on missions for the military and was gone for years at a time so I hardly knew him. My mother suffered from depression, which often left me wondering if she wanted me around. As a child you tend to think these things are happening because of you. In short, I had insecure feelings about my home life as a child and this has carried over into adulthood as well. When looking for someone to date, the feeling that I like someone is usually accompanied by a fear of abandonment and so to get past that stage I try and cement the bonds with that person as quickly as possible. Hope that makes sense.

OGS · Jun 4, 2014

It's interesting--this thread isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. When I think of moving quickly in a relationship I think of making long term plans, talking like you are a couple. This type of moving too fast really bothered me when I was single--it forever seemed like I was in the situation of thinking we were just going to the movies and the other guy seemed to think we were picking out china patterns.

I have to say, however, that while you should certainly only proceed in a relationship in the manner in which you are comfortable, this one may be hard for a lot of people. A willingness to be open and discuss frankly is, for me and I think a lot of people, the beginning point of a relationship not something I hope to one day get to. I do not hold it against people when they don't want to do this with me, but I do tend to assume that someone who will not go there is not interested in being my friend. It doesn't mean we couldn't be friendly but I in all honesty would not pursue even friendship with someone who held back in that way--not really because I would be offended or whatever but because I would just assume they didn't want to pursue it.

I don't mean this to sound harsh--and you really should only do what you are comfortable with. But you probably also should realize that many people will take this as an indication not that you aren't willing to proceed in a relationship that fast, but that you aren't willing to proceed at all...

Wolf123 · Jun 4, 2014

OGS said: ↑

It's interesting--this thread isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. When I think of moving quickly in a relationship I think of making long term plans, talking like you are a couple. This type of moving too fast really bothered me when I was single--it forever seemed like I was in the situation of thinking we were just going to the movies and the other guy seemed to think we were picking out china patterns.

I have to say, however, that while you should certainly only proceed in a relationship in the manner in which you are comfortable, this one may be hard for a lot of people. A willingness to be open and discuss frankly is, for me and I think a lot of people, the beginning point of a relationship not something I hope to one day get to. I do not hold it against people when they don't want to do this with me, but I do tend to assume that someone who will not go there is not interested in being my friend. It doesn't mean we couldn't be friendly but I in all honesty would not pursue even friendship with someone who held back in that way--not really because I would be offended or whatever but because I would just assume they didn't want to pursue it.

I don't mean this to sound harsh--and you really should only do what you are comfortable with. But you probably also should realize that many people will take this as an indication not that you aren't willing to proceed in a relationship that fast, but that you aren't willing to proceed at all...
Click to expand...

I completely understand your response. I have explained to the individual that I would like to be friends- she has indicated she felt the same. I think my biggest is that I have never had a chance to really hang out with her so it makes it difficult for me to open up to her. Believe me, I am not saying that she is the issue because to be honest I know I am at fault too. I am a very closed off person (which I am working on changing) and have talked to even my mother about this issue I have. My mother understands why.

As a kid I was abandoned. I had no one to talk to. My mother was busy with her relationship with my step father, my sister was in and out of the hospital, my dad he was either drunk or came around when he felt like it. I think my defenses (walls) go up when people try to get to know the real me. I believe I told the person what likely may happen. I will likely tell her some deep crap and she will be done with me. She said that wouldn't be the case, but my walls go up and it sucks. She has explained to me that she is just curious which for some reason makes my walls go up. I don't think it helps that she reminds me of someone from my past-which isn't fair either. I have started to invite her places so hoping that the more this happens, maybe I can tell her things.

---------- Post added 4th Jun 2014 at 12:13 PM ----------

Monraffe said: ↑

I'm afraid I'm one of those people who rush into getting as close as possible to others. I suspect there are many reasons behind this type of behavior, in my case it's probably due to the way I was brought up. My father was away on missions for the military and was gone for years at a time so I hardly knew him. My mother suffered from depression, which often left me wondering if she wanted me around. As a child you tend to think these things are happening because of you. In short, I had insecure feelings about my home life as a child and this has carried over into adulthood as well. When looking for someone to date, the feeling that I like someone is usually accompanied by a fear of abandonment and so to get past that stage I try and cement the bonds with that person as quickly as possible. Hope that makes sense.
Click to expand...

I am sorry for your circumstances. I can kind of relate to liking someone and feeling as though they will abandon me. For some reason, I always get the feeling with people I start to crush on. I think my issue is while some people want to go deeper into a relationship (quickly) I tend to force myself to not get too close.

Why do people move so quickly in a relationship?????

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Why do people move so quickly in a relationship?????

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