I've never been more confused over something as simple as my current (and first) actual relationships. I first met my boyfriend about 5 months ago from some mutual friends and quickly hit it off. The problem was and still is that he lives about 2 hours away from me. I tend to over think everything in my relationship and I just don't want to mess up. We even waited months to make sure if either of us were ready for a relationship. I'm a freshman in college and came out as soon as I came to college fully, and before that a few friends here and there. The real issue in my relationship is I can't tell if I'm truly happy. I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend but more recently I've just thought about other guys more often. The thing is when he visits I'm happy (or at least I think I am) and then when he leaves sometimes I even forget I have him. I don't know if I feel that "spark in our relationship... And the thing is he is perfect. The most caring person I've ever met, strong values, close with his family, everything. And I know he really and truly cares for me. I just need some advice on where to head from here. Am I just scared of committing to one person? Is he not the right one? I think about it every second and I just thought the community here could provide some sort of insight. Another thing is that we decided to lose our virginity to each other and I have no regrets there. But the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Thank you.
It's possible that you and your boyfriend are just getting out of the honeymoon phase, which has a way of looking like you've "lost the spark" in your relationship. That's just one initial thought I had. If you've fallen out of love with him, then it's definitely preferable to figure that out sooner rather than later. The longer you wait to let him go, the worse it is going to be for both of you. Before making any hasty decisions, what is it you want? Look into the future two years, or even just one... are you still with him? If you broke up with him tomorrow, how long would it take you to "get over" it? Would you be glad you did it later? Or would you regret it and wish you were still with him? If you've only lost "the spark", then you're not experiencing anything most long-term couples don't experience and make it through. If this is the case, you still love him, you're just not used to seeing your relationship in reality and not through the rose lenses of new passion. But if you've lost your feelings for him, there's really no sure way to get them back, and you're probably better off ending it sooner for less pain than later with more pain.
The thing is I've only really known him for 6 months and been dating for only a little time. I don't love him yet, nor do I even know that I had a "spark" in the first place and was just blinded by my first relationship. I'm at a point where I'm young and in college and I don't even know if now is the time to be in a relationship.
Well only you can decide if this is a bad time to pursue a relationship. If you don't want something longterm with this guy or if you don't want to be in a relationship right now, then I'm sure you know what to do. If your not sure, there's nothing that says you have to make a decision tonight. Just continue casually dating him and see where it goes. As times goes on, you'll get a better picture of this relationshipand will more readily know if it's what you want or not what you want. But to break it off right now because of uncertainty, it just seems a little soon to jump straight to that. Hope this helps some. Good luck.
@AustReed...this is a great time to think about where a relationship fits into your life. You are still learning about yourself so take your time. Don't put so much pressure on yourself that this has to be a "thing". Tell your boyfriend how you're feeling...you might be surprised he's feeling that way too! I too met my first boyfriend freshman year college and he lived 2 hours away in another state so we only saw each other on weekends. For me it was not practical to maintain this because of my POS car, no money and school schedule even though I was in love with him. He broke it off and it hurt like hell. It hurt more because he never told me the long distance was bothering him and he needed someone to be there. Talk about this with your boyfriend.
I had/still have a similar experience with that. I'm on my second girlfriend since I've been out, and we've been together for almost four months. My ex, to summarize my past relationship was emotionally distant, and for someone that was newly out and had just started healing from issues regarding anxiety and depression, it really damaged my self-esteem, and my mental health when I was with her. My current relationship is lots better, she makes me happy, and treats me well and is really supportive of me. It's my first healthy relationship in a while. When I'm in a relationship, I learned that I do have a bit of relationship anxiety. I overthink, I used to(I haven't done it since my ex) worry if I sounded too flirty when talking to others around me. I sometimes even now have these moments where I love hanging with my girlfriend, and then the next I want space and time apart. But I later recalled that prior to dating my current girlfriend, I hadn't dated in a year, and plus, I did spend most of my teen years and early twenties single. I summarized I'm just not used to being in relationships and on top of that I'm so independent that I'm having trouble adjusting to having another person in my life, and particularly since dating my current girlfriend, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my girlfriend is actually reciprocating, unlike my ex. Personally, I'd say take it one day at a time and don't feel rushed. See where things go, and what the future holds for the two of you. If there's something he wants to do, but you're not comfortable with it, let him know. Communication is important, and you'll feel tons better if you confide in him.
