So, has anyone else ever done this, for a break or anything? I've been casually seeing guys on and off, and haven't been in a relationship-relationship since the end of college (a little over a year), and I'm so sick of being single, doing everything alone, etc. But I've been on so many great dates that get me excited about meeting guys again. I've fallen for about three guys in the last few months--we'll go on a few really great dates, then they just kind of disappear (maybe I should follow-up more, but I hate being the clingy type, so I just let them trail off and disappear). I'm just finding it mentally torturous--having a crush on them, waiting for them to text you, going out and feeling the rush of happiness and fear of doing something wrong, all to like the person more than you should. Sometimes I think boys are stupid. I mean, c'mon. At least tell a guy how you feel; don't just disappear. I'm thinking a break from dating apps would be good, but I'm also afraid it would entrench me in my singleness--I never, ever, ever meet guys in real life (I'm not so good at ID-ing the types of gay guys I like--quieter, not overly camp-y, etc.). Blagh... love... ugh, I wish I didn't fall for certain guys so easily.
Dating apps (the hunt for love) can be addictive and it's good to delete them from your phone (and your mind) from time to time. Like any addiction, they can fill your mind and heart with doubts and disillusion. The problem is, once you delete them it's extremely easy to download them again if you're bored or lonely on any particular day. So perhaps just leave them on your phone (maybe in a folder somewhere so it's not staring you in the face each time you look at your phone) and just make a decision to stop using them or to only check them once a day or every couple of days. It's good that you're "not clingy", most guys like that. Unfortunately "hating being single" is a bit of a turn off for most guys though. They want to see that you're happy with your life as it is so they know that they're not entering into a hot stressful mess by getting to know you better. I'm not saying it's easy to get into the mindset of loving being single, because it's certainly not, but it's a good goal to have, and once you achieve it, you won't need apps to meet guys. Instead, you'll start to notice guys noticing you everywhere. Having a mind that's less cluttered with negative thoughts allows you to open your eyes and see what's around you. Have you ever been to a party or a bar and your friend tells you later on that guys were checking you out or talking about you, and you either don't believe them and/or you wonder why you didn't hear/see them doing it yourself? It's usually because you're lost in thought and outside of the present moment, so unless a guy makes extremely obvious advances - you only see the thoughts and memories flooding through your head. Sorry, that went off on a bit of a tangent. Let me know if I'm going in the wrong direction with this. Peace be with you.
hey mangotree, thanks so much for the help and advice. That's a good perspective. I think I need to maybe regulate my time, they can be an addiction and a break might be a good thing. I normally don't talk on dates about distaste for being single, and am actually a pretty active/happy guy (musician, always doing stuff with work, volunteering, etc.). So I try to give off positive vibes, and usually focus more on the other person than on myself. My dates have gone pretty well, I'm just finding the whole thing emotionally draining. I ended it with one guy I was seeing for about a month because there was no connection, and--while I really want to find someone meaningful--I'd rather not be with someone who isn't a right fit. Anyway, thanks so much for the thoughts. I think maybe it is time for me to focus on being me again. Just kinda want to come out to tell my parents and all, and I guess that's made me feel more alone/isolated/seeking company. THANKS <3
mangotree's advice is great as always.... Back when I was dating regularly, it was more websites than apps. I would go through periods where I would just delete/deactivate my account for a spell making myself invisible. Doing so let me focus on work/home/family or something else. Doing this helped me gets over the black cloud of frustration that would follow me around because I hadn't met anyone yet.... Take a break.. it sounds like you could use it...
