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I think I'm into someone but I'm not out to my family.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by 19rali, Jun 5, 2014.

  1. 19rali

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    I could really use some advice on my current situation. I discovered a while ago that I am interested in the same sex. Of course naturally after finally admitting this to myself I went online and looked up forums such as this one to help me through it. Most people had fully discovered themselves at a young age, like in their early teen years whereas I hadn't really thought about it until now. I have had moments throughout my childhood where it crossed my mind, but I didn't "know" then. About a half a year ago I realized I had a huge crush on my best friend who of course was of the same sex. I just loved his personality and was happy when he was around. That's when I began to question my sexuality as I've never had a relationship before and this felt different. Time went by and I finally accepted the fact that I'm attracted to the same sex. I told a few of my closest friends and everyone has been very supportive, but I still haven't said anything to my family. My friends encouraged me to meet people who could give me advice, and I met someone recently that I've been talking to quite a lot. We've met in person once and I guess you could call it a 'date'. I really enjoy his company and we talk every day. The only problem is my parents don't know about it and I don't think I'm ready to come out to them. I would like to get to know this person more and see where it goes, but I don't want to hide it from my family and friends. Any advice would be very much appreciated!
     
  2. mangotree

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    Do you know how your guy feels about you keeping him a secret from your family and friends?
    Is it likely to cause tension between you 2?

    Do you think you're not "ready" to tell your parents because you're not sure how long term your relationship will be? (i.e. you don't want to come out and then go through a breakup soon after)
    or because you're not sure if you're gay?
    or because you're afraid of their reactions?
    or something else?
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    You could call it a date, but you could also call it friendship. As it was only a first meeting, it might be better to just wait and see how things develop and then decide if you want/need to come out to your family. While things remain on a casual level (friendship) you have nothing to hide.

    Assuming the time comes when you feel the need to tell them, how do you think it will go?
     
  4. robclem21

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    Good advice from Linco above. That is essentially how it had gone for me in the past before I came out to my family. As long as nothing got serious, I really didn't feel a need to come out to them. Though I knew they were supportive it just wasn't something I was ready for.

    I was in one kind of serious relationship, that I didn't so much hide from them. I didn't outright say anything, but at the same time I didn't do a very good job of hiding it. I guess that was a sign to myself that I was kind of getting ready.

    When I met my current boyfriend I knew he would be around a lot, and most people aren't naive or stupid. They will know even if you don't tell them. So I just came out to them and they have been fine with everything.

    I guess my point here is no rush, but if it gets serious they will probably figure it out if you decide to not tell them so you may be happier doing it on your terms, but there is probably no pressure since they will likely react the same either way.
     
  5. 19rali

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    He knows that I'm not out to my family. I have questioned him on his feelings about this. He is understanding and said I should do it on my own terms. It hasn't caused any tension between us thus far. I am planning on spending more time with him to see where things go. I'll follow your advice and if or when things get more serious and we've gotten to know each other more I will consider coming out to my family. I am pretty sure they would be supportive, maybe not fully understanding at first but I guess that's to be expected. I really appreciate the advice!