Feeling immature and stupid

So yesterday night I hurted one of my best friends. We have known each other for some months and I have been pretty sure he liked me since very soon in our friendship.

Now, I love this person in the sense that I enjoy every moment we spend together. We laught, we joke all the time... He works for a charity he is honestly the kindest person I have ever met, who would go out of his way to help people and always has kind wors. I also think he is quite sexy.

After all this months I decided that even though I was not romantiacally attracted to him, that may happen once we get closer. So I kissed him while we were on a party and we started dating. The dates have been really cool and I got to know him more, which only confirmed me how awesome he is. We have had sex and it has been good. But I kept thinking that there was no spark. Also the fact that for him sex is way more full of meaning that for me really makes me feel bad (I didn't know this but I suspected it and he tod me yesterday)

I ave never dated someone I considered a friend before, I thought we could make it work. But after 3 weeks of dating I realized he was getting really into me and aking plans for the future and everything,while I was still feeling that something wrong.

I thoungt I needed to tell him and that it was really unfair to him. So yesterday I did, and we splitted up.

Now I feel like an immature d**ck who has made all the wrong decisions. I wasn't trying to lead him on, I was trying to make it work. I feel that this person would have made me happy but I just couldn't feel romantic attraction. He told em yesterday that is really painful becaue it was unexpected and because I am the best guy he has ever met (which obviously is not true since).

I said I was sorry loads of time know and that I wish I could reciprocate. He said that he needs some time and that we should try to go back to being friends. I answered that I never though about stopping being his friend or caring about him. He answered that he was very tired and needed to go to bed. We are away from each other since next wednesday when we will go to the same class, and he said that we would talk one of this days.

So here I am feeling like a complete bastard (when my life philosophy is being as good and kind to people as possible), with 0 experience in dating and love at 26 years old, and afraid that I am going to loose my best friend (and deserve it). Am I being stupid? Should I have kept dating him hoping for things to change? I just wanted to avoid further damage and ma have screwed things up.

I don't even know why I am posting this here the damage is done, I just needed to vent I guess

 

Thanks guys for answering, most of my close friends are straight guys and they do not get this kind of things (I spoke to them about this but they just don’t get that I actually care for this guys feelings). So I am feeling bad and misunderstood
I still don’t know what to think. I have known he liked me since January but kept avoiding getting into a relationship because I didn’t know if I liked him romantically. I was so happy having a friend like that. We were so close and he is also gay so that brought us closer.
All the alarm signs where there, but I thought it was worth a try since I am always looking forward to the time we spent chatting, going out dancing etc.... I have been in love before with the wrong person and, although we have literally had like 5-6 dates, I was seeing in him the kind of behaviour I had that time.
So yeah, maybe it was the right thing to do, but right now i wish I had known better and not ignored the alarm signs and tried anyway.
I feel that I hurt someone who is really important to me and didn’t deserve it at all, due to my lack of common sense. I should have known better and don’t want this person to disappear from my life (in fact that idea kind of scares me)

As you said, I really hope this will bring us closer in the long term as you said but right now I just wish I could go back.

I Think will try to resist the urge of messaging him since he said that we will talk in some days but it is not going to be fun at all
I think the lesson i got from this is not to pursue relationships with your friends if you are not sure and that I might not be ready for a relationship yet

ps Sorry about the typos in the last post, its awfully written but I wrote it on a rush and didn't check for mistakes

 

The problem is that there was something amiss, It is very difficult to describe. I have been in love and i felt the typical butterflies. I wanted to be with him as longas possible, I needed to message him goodnight, the idea of him being with someone else made me really jealous and all of that was not happening with this guy.

I love being with him and the fact that we can talk about anything, but I am lacking that something.... didn't feel like love. And the fact that he was moving too fast and the things he said me me realize (as he has confirmed) that he was indeed feeling those things towards me. So i kind of felt that I needed to come clean before things got out of control.

In fact he was the one that said that we shouldn't date anymore I just told him that I felt that way (which felt awful because I knew i was hurting him) told him and that I wanted him to decide what to do because I was really confused.