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In love w/ my best guy friend always been(I'm submissive for him) NEED ADVICE

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by summersmiles, Jun 6, 2014.

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  1. summersmiles

    summersmiles Guest

    I'm sorry if I offend anyone I don't mean to but a warning this is a very F-uped love story. I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHO IS A GUY. Although I now have a girlfriend but I can't ever stop thinking about him and to be honest I never have stopped. I don't want to be with him though because when I am around him I want to be submissive for him, be his sex toy, his own personal he can do what he wants with. I don't like feeling this way when I'm away from him but when with him OMG I'm his. Recently I've been holding back from him, it's so hard to. I need help.

    I should tell the whole story and that is what I'm going to do and after please feel free to leave feed back, honestly I don't know what to do at this point in my life. I need help.

    I have always been the cute fun outgoing guy, I had more girls that were friends then dated them. Been with a few guys here and there but never really thought I was gay. I think I was fine being bi. When I was 20 years old I met a guy at work who was my boss. Nothing sexual was ever there at the time. For years we drank together, went out to bars together and hit on chicks. I mostly just made out never really slept with them. My friend let's call him Jim, was a bigger guy. I actually would tell the girls that would come to our tables at bars that I thought he was hot. They should get with him. I started to actually like him, but never wanted to tell him that he didn't want me right, so I thought nothing of it. But I did think maybe I liked guys more than girls so I started to date guys.

    I was scared of my sexuality so I only really kissed other guys, lots wanted more but I wanted to wait. I had only done it once before that and I was too young to understand what it went to make love. I came out telling others I was bi including Jim. He seemed cool about it but didn't give a crap. I spent all my holidays at his place and one year on Christmas eve he came to my aunt's house. I remember my mom gave him this stupid santa hat to wear and he got a kick out of it. It was one that played music when you touched santa's nose. He would have this grin when I would hit it. Anyway after my aunt's house he wanted to go drink somemore. at the bar he gave me a friendly holiday hug and i just felt so warm in his arms. I wanted to kiss him "oh my god" i thought. no way, stop thinking that. I remember looking at him all night just wanting him. He was an amazing guy. I'm not going to say I was in love with him I didn't want to be, and I know he wasn't gay. He was trying to pick up girls that night, YET he never wanted me to leave his sight.

    So one year we were staying at a mutual friends house, a awesome couple we hung out with and actually an ex-gf of his, he never slept with her. Her husband was cool but that's no matter. So on this night we all got pretty hammered and Jim and I fell asleep on the couch downstairs , the two lovers went to their bedroom. I was dreaming about Jim when what I thought I had been also dreaming was actually happened....he was getting on top of me trying to pull down my pants and kissing me on my lips. I screamed out "what the are you doing". He said he wanted me, I told him no. I pushed him off but he kept trying my pants were off my this point. I told him no and made him stay on his side of the couch. He passed out and went to sleep a few minutes later. I stayed up in tears because I wanted him so much. I was more upset by the fact I don't think he had wanted me he was just drunk you could say. I was wondering if he was going to bring it up maybe say sorry but he never did the drive more next morning.

    A few weeks later we went out him and I to a bar. I still upset about that night. I finally asked him if he had remember and he told me yes. He wanted me that night. I asked if he wanted me now at that moment. He turned to me looked me in the eyes and said yes. He didn't know why but he did. I was so happy. We finished our beers, had one more around. I was hugging the bartender and everyone around me I was so happy. Anyway we left and drove off. I couldn't wait and wanted him so I gave him road head and then we had sex in an alley in the back of his car. I told him I loved him in the heat of passion but I meant it.

    Next few days he acted like it never happened and then we did it again this time at his house. He still claimed he was straight and couldn't see him yourself with a guy. UMMM hello I was a guy. I started to do everything for him, like when ever where ever he wanted I gave it to him. I sucked him off at bars, in his car, bathrooms. I was his and wanted him to be mine so bad. He would take me out and pay for things then later we'd have sex. He moved out and I lived with him for awhile. I cooked I cleaned for him and when he got home from work I was his to have. I'd be ready for anything. Although he never said we were a couple and he would make that clean to everything. His brother knew what I was as he would say it and if I was going to be with his brother i had to look out for him but personally he didn't want a gay brother. He wanted to break us apart so he brought over girls. I remember getting so jealous. I tried o start dating other guys but none of them were close to Jim so I gave up. Jim and I stop having sex cause he was cheating on me but was he really. I don't know.

    I kept running away from him not talking to him for awhile. But I went back, one day I heard the song "love and memories" looking at him I said I thought of us. He responded with me too. He knew I loved him but I don't know if he knew how much I was IN love with him. We became on and off friends over the years. I started dating girls again cause if he was I would plus no guy was him so I couldn't fool myself.

    He lives in a duplex his parents bought for him. He is alone and living with two cats. The girl I am dating for about 6 months is very awesome and a wonderful person who I have come to care for, I don't want to hurt her. But since Jim a year ago becoming friend with him again I've wanted him. He tried once again to kiss me. I did everything to hold back. The true is I am in love with Jim I always will be. I want to be his and only his. Should I tell him how I feel...does he feel the same way? I should just move on I think but then why do I feel when with him he wants me to. we have this tension between us. Plus I don't want to hurt my girlfriend she is very sweet, what would I say. What should I do?
     
    #1 summersmiles, Jun 6, 2014
  2. Trooper

    Trooper
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. This seems like a really difficult situation. (*hug*)

    First of all, you need to end things with your girlfriend, since it doesn't seem like you're interested in her romantically. It's not fair to her to stay in that relationship, when you were in love with someone else the entire time.

    Then, you need to come clean to Jim. Tell him how you feel, tell him you developed feelings for him, and that you still have feelings for him. But you're stuck in this limbo, because you don't know if he feels the same for you, and is ready to be in a proper relationship with a guy. By the way, have you actually confirmed that he's gone out with girls since you hooked up? In that case, you can tell him that seeing him go out with others while messing around with you hurt you very much. If he then says that he doesn't feel the same for you, or that he can't abandon his straight identity, even to himself, then you have to move on, preferably keeping some distance from your friend.

    This is a very stressful situation for you (very understandably), so even though it might seem difficult, you need to be willing to move on if things don't work out. And you don't have to date other guys right away. It's okay to give yourself time to accept that Jim hurt you, and that you might need some time on your own before you're ready to move on.
     
    #2 Trooper, Jun 7, 2014
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    This is a really complex and difficult situation and I can't help but feel that you and others may end up getting hurt.

    Although you love your girlfriend as a person, you are clearly not in love with her and your relationship is on quicksand. It's not fair to her (or you) to maintain this situation. Although it will hurt, you need to be honest with her. By that, I don't mean tell her every detail as that could do even more harm, but you do need to be honest enough to say that you are not in love with her.

    The next questions are: What does Jim really want? How does Jim really feel? As things stand it seems convenient to have you around for sex, possibly a friend with benefits scenario, but such an arrangement will not help you with your deeper feelings. You need clarity and the only way you will get that is by having a serious and honest conversation with him.
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Jun 7, 2014
  4. DangerAlex

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    Eesh, I'm so glad I was still straight and not interested in guys when I was still friend with my old buddy because this definitely could've been me. Thank god I was still hung up on my slutty ex.

    I echo the others. Tell your girlfriend you love her but aren't IN love with her. She may resent you a bit now, but she'll thank you later. Then you need to talk to Jim. Tell him how you felt, how you feel, and what your previous arrangement meant to you, then ask him the same. How did he feel about you that first night he made a move on you on that couch? How did he feel when your sexual encounters were happening? How does he feel now? And most importantly, what does he want? These are all things you need to know before you can either take things with Jim to the next level or be able to move on.

    Also, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you want him to "use you" when you're around him. That's a combination of your feelings for him, the fact that they are somewhat unrequited in your current situation, your lust for him, and maybe feeling like you want something you can't have. It also might be his masculinity that you're lusting for, especially since you've only been dating women lately. These feelings of being "submissive" don't have to mean you ARE submissive and they're not bad feelings anyway. It's just your feelings and desires that leave you wanting him to "take you" again. I usually bottom for my boyfriend, as it sounds to me like you bottomed for Jim, and I've had similar fantasies myself :wink:
     
    #4 DangerAlex, Jun 7, 2014
  5. summersmiles

    summersmiles Guest

    @Trooper

    Thank you so much. Do you know how hard it is to hug him when I'm with him and not kissing him or knowing if I do will he kiss back. And I'm the one who gives him the hugs. I'm very lovey dovey with everyone.

    @DangerAlex

    I am the bottom though with all guys I always have been. I don't think I'm so much ashamed by my submissive nature for him but more so by the fact that he just has this hold on me I love when he just takes control. I want to please him and I feel like a teenage school girl. Maybe it's cause it started with him kind of trying to rape me (really no other way to say it). There were times he tried that again, see I wanted him but I don't want to give in if I'm not completely his. He has said a number of times he loves me, but what does that mean. He gets upset and sad when I tell him no not to say that stops him but tears come down my eyes and I have to walk away. Shouldn't he know how that makes me feel. Can't he be the one to tell me he is in love with me. I'm his slave, does he seen how much I'd do for him.

    *** I'm Afraid telling my girlfriend, she will be pissed very sad and she has become like a best friend. I really do love being around her. I can't find the words to say that wouldn't hurt her and what if Jim doesn't want me. I mean can't I make it work with her. I'm super happy with the emotional part of our relationship.
     
    #5 summersmiles, Jun 7, 2014
  6. DangerAlex

    DangerAlex
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    It sounds to me like of you can't have Jim, you want to try to live "straight" and make things work with your girlfriend. Do you really think you can be happy that way? You said you're happy with the emotional part of your relationship, but what about the physical? Well you just not have the sexual aspect? Can you be happy in a sexless relationship? Can she?

    I don't think you'll find many people here who will encourage you to deceive your girlfriend and stay in a relationship with her while you're admittedly in love with a man. That's not fair to you, and although things may seem good with her now and it may seem like you're making her happy, in the long run it's not fair to her either. Eventually, your lack of interest in her is going to show in your relationship. The way I see it, you can either tell her now (gently of course) and let her find someone she CAN be perfectly happy with, or let her pick up on your loss of interest and piece things together on her own.

    Another thing to consider: Do you think you'd ever have secret relations with other men without your girlfriend knowing? And by this I just mean sex, not necessarily relationships. If you can't say that you won't, then that is also not fair to either of you and is even more of a reason not to stay in a relationship if your heart isn't in it.

    Good luck, I hope this helps some.
     
    #6 DangerAlex, Jun 7, 2014
  7. Trooper

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    Like DangerAlex suggested, you probably need to talk to Jim before being able to either move on, or take things to the next level with him. I hope you can find the courage to have that conversation, because no matter the result, it will at least trigger some progress. If he's also interested and ready to be with you, it's best to tell him now, because if he's not ready after all this time, he probably never will be. And if he's not interested, it will make it easier for you to move on if you hear it from him. So you should really consider having that conversation with him.

    And regardless of how things turn out with Jim, it's not right to stay in a relationship with your girlfriend. It's not fair to keep leading her on like this. You should understand this, considering what you've gone through with Jim. You can make up any reason for breaking up with her, but you really should do it sooner rather than later.
     
    #7 Trooper, Jun 8, 2014
  8. Mystory

    Mystory
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    I'm wondering.. if Jim says that he loves you, and he gets sad when you push him away, and you love Jim- then why can't a relationship work between you two? It sort of sounds like to me that you're the one pushing Jim away... maybe he doesn't feel like he should commit because you haven't been completely clear with him? That said, I think once you gently let go of your girlfriend, there's no reason why you two can't be in a relationship. I guess... just don't force labels onto him
     
    #8 Mystory, Jun 8, 2014
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