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Parents: "It's just a phase" Me: "No, guys, seriously..."

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by WorriedSloth, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. WorriedSloth

    Regular Member

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    Has anyone else had this problem??? I mean, I've heard of this happening to other people, but I just... I don't know. Does it get better over time? Do I actually have to get a girlfriend to prove to them I'm serious?

    Let me tell you how it went down.

    So I was upset, and I'd been texting. I wasn't upset BECAUSE I was texting, I was upset because I'd been keeping quiet about my sexuality for several months and it was really bothering me to the point where I'd wake up crying after nightmares about how my parents would take it. But because my parents are authoritarian parents who don't respect my privacy whatsoever, my mother took my phone and looked through my messages. And in my messages, I was talking to my best friend, so I referred to myself as her "gay best friend." My mom brought me into my room and confronted me about it. I broke down crying and explained that I thought I was attracted to girls (at that point I said more than guys, now I know I am only attracted to girls) and I was upset because I had been worried how she would react. While excluding the particulars, the conversation then progressed very quickly from "we love you no matter what" to "you're too young to decide this" to "this is a phase" then finally to "make sure you don't tell your little sister about this."

    So all in all, probably a pretty common response, but... It's been... almost two years now? My parents both seem to simply be ignoring it, and whenever typical dialogue comes up "when you're married one day, your *husband/wife/spouse/partner* had better..." My mother always says husband. Even though I told her I thought I was a lesbian. I even had a follow up conversation with her trying to explain ALL the reasons behind why I thought I was a lesbian (including the CONSTANT "all guys want is sex" lectures I got as a child, and verbal abuse from my father, but that's another story, if you're curious, see here http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...-fear-straight-relationships.html#post2087363 fair warning it's a long post), but she just told me I was being ridiculous and we let it drop.

    It's not like this is a desperate, pressing issue for me, but it is... niggling. I just wanted to know if anyone had experienced anything similar and I could expect it to get any better.
     
  2. DangerAlex

    Full Member

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    My mom kind of pulled some shit like this on me. I started dating a guy suddenly, it was a surprise even to myself. I kept it a secret until I had figured everything out. I eventually got to the point where I didn't want to keep him a secret, but I also didn't want to do the "big reveal", so what I did was just stopped hiding him. He'd pick me up from my mom's house or my grandmother's house, and I always kissed him (sometimes for quite a few minutes if it had been a few days since I'd seen him) after I got in the car. One day my mom texted me after he'd picked me up: "Hey, were you just kissing that guy who picked you up?" I texted her back "Yep, talk later."

    So the next time I saw her, I came clean. And her response? "Oh, you've just been lonely since Theresa left you and all that happened. Don't worry, you're not REALLY gay. You're just lovely, confused, maybe even a little desperate right now.." And that was her opinion on the matter for like two months.

    The turning point came when my boyfriend accidentally meet my while family the day before Thanksgiving. We'd been spending the day together when we started getting a little touchy-feely with each other, and since my grandmother's house was closest I had him drive us there so we could hookup in her basement or something. When we got there, nobody was home (SCORE!) so I used my key to let us in, and we had quite a nice romp in the spare bedroom in the basement. Then we went up the big bathroom on the main floor for a shower.

    As we're in the shower, I heard the front door open. So we hurry up and dress, and he stayed in the bathroom while I checked to see who had gotten home and where they were. Turns out it was both my grandparents, my mom, and my siblings. My boyfriend wanted to sneak out and leave and meet then some other time. I told him they saw his car so they're going to expect to see SOMEONE with me and it would look even more strange if he just snuck out and left me there. So we snuck down into the basement, flipped on the TV in the living room, and were flipped through channels when my grandmother came down to find me. I introduced my boyfriend to her, as my boyfriend of course, and then the feat of the family.

    And everyone loved him! Even my mom, who had given me such a hard time about it, really warmed up to him. I'm actually quite proud of my mom and grandmother, both raised Catholic and yet made him feel totally welcome.

    So yes, it does get better. It might be for you how it was for me; maybe they'll struggle with it until they SEE you with a girlfriend and meet her.