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mini break up rant

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JessieRayne, Jun 8, 2014.

  1. JessieRayne

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    am i really posting something about this? i suppose i am. oh goodness... i suppose this is more of a "so this happened but no one cares" kinda deal, but ima complain about it anyways.

    So basically, someone who I thought was... my other half, the perfection in my imperfect world, "the one" turned out.. not to be the one.. well.. i guess not at least. He was my savior.. basically.. let me move in with him to save myself from my home life. We were perfect together really. I was happy, he was too. There were cuddles every night, stupid pillow fights, movie nights, days where we could just sit around watching re-runs of pokemon of making him sit through mean girls for the 5th time with me. Perfect life...

    But it crashed. We got in fights about stupid things.. and i mean stupid. Like.. fights about who left the box of cheez-its out, and it would cause us to bicker at each other for days on end. Wed make it up, hed say he was sorry, wed kiss, everything would be fine end of story. However, i guess too many fights. One day he just, he came so close to hitting me i swear and all he says is "just.. get out of my goddamed face Jessie. I swear just leave. I dont want to hurt you worse than this is going to. Just. Im sorry. Im done, this is done, get out. I thought i loved you" and then he left, the door slamming behind him.

    and it hurt.. thats not even the extent of it.. i could go into A LOT more detail but ill save you the trouble unless you care to know. But the "i THOUGHT i loved you" talk about ouch... anyways.. i had to go back home, after almost a year of being with him... being away.. and let me tell you... hell doesnt begin to describe what my home life is.

    so yeah.. theres that, short mini rant that doesnt go into much detail is over.basically... im like done with relationships cause im too scared to get hurt again.
     
  2. ConfusedAtHeart

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    I'm very sorry this happened to you, it must have torn your heart out (*hug*)

    Life is about trial and error. Sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes they do. Don't give up on love because of one bad ending.
    Love has many components, but the piece that worries me the most about this is that you said it was the 'perfect' life. It is actually a bad thing if you never fought before that. Because once you get to a fight like you just described, you won't (know how/be able to ) deal with it.
    A couple needs to value each others opinion.
    Another thing that worries me is that you called him your 'savior' in which relashionships aren't suppose to be about worshipping each other. Take into account their likes and dislikes.
    Don't be a clone of your significant other. I.e. adopting their hobbies and abandoning your own.

    My sister and her husband bicker A LOT, but they know how to handle it when they do, because they have experiance with it. They have seperate likes and dislikes, but they love each other.

    So don't give up. Find a loving person who values your company and understands that you may like different things.

    I'm very sorry you have to return to an awful home life. Keep your chin up, because when you hit rock bottom, there is no other way than up. I hope things start to go good for you. You seem like a very kind, fun, and loving person. (*hug*)
     
  3. JessieRayne

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    well.. Ima warn you now.. im in a really emotinal state right now.. so.. bear with me... first.. when i say it was the perfect life.. i meant perfect to my standards.. im a fucked up kid.. and like.. my life is shit.. grew up wanting to die... constantly lost everyting i had.. loved.. and when i said he was my savior.. didnt mean i worshiped him... we were equals.. best friend.. he just.. saved me from reality.. made me feel like more than dirt... and for the first time in 17 years.. he made me happy i was alive... he made me see pureness in life... make me see that people can care for one another.. and not all touch brings pain.. he made me happy.. he was my best friend.. he was there when i needed help.. i was there when he needed it... he was there when i just wanted to end it off.. he made things better... and to have him just.. toss me away.. like i was nothing... made me just honestly wish i never got involved... wish i could escape.. wish i could just leave forever because i didnt know what to do... now im stuck in depression again.. stuck in abuse.. stuck in this stuck in that.. im drowning again in everything... and i honestly dont know how to swim... and its not just because of boy drama... not because i was just a love struck teenager.. its not just that.. its that.. i finially found one small thing that made me happy.. and i KNEW it would be taken away... yet i let my walls come down for once... and it did... im mad at myself.... not him.. mad because i could have done things differently.. mad because i just.. im fustrated and really sometimes i just wish the gun was loaded. no one would notice anyways.

    but most of all... im just scared... you have no idea how scared i am.. of everything.. anything... im so scared...you wouldnt understand.. and no one could.. and all i sound like is a pitiful disgrace... a selfish bastard .. thats all i sound like.. and.. i appolozie for it..
     
  4. ConfusedAtHeart

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    You're right. I have no idea how it is. I don't know if I ever will.
    I do know, however, that you are not a disgrace. You are not selfish for wanting something more. You are a human being with feelings, whose seen a lot of heart break and damage. You are allowed to have feelings. I know many people who had terrible childhoods. My step father, for instance, had no mum and his dad was always at work or drunk. His brothers abused him, one instance being he was pushed out of a truck going 90 mph at age 11. I don't want to see anything happen to you.
    The wound is fresh, so perhaps I shouldn't say anything more.
    But I think you should talk to someone that can help. Like a therapist. (Because obviously I'm not a proffessional, just some geek on the internet)
     
  5. JessieRayne

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    i would.. but.. i just have such a terrible phobia of people... i wouldnt be able to pull myself to go to a therapist... and.. even if i did... they might make me change my home again.. because ill end up mentioning something of my "father" they might put me in another home... ill just... i can't.. i just... god im so confused... i just.. wish i didnt have to live this life anymore... im so tired :/ thank you for attempting to help me.... im just... extreemly emotional right now... im just... missing someone that was very close to me... im missing my .. er.. ex... im just...idk.. im an emotional wreck right now.. just... im sorry..
     
  6. ConfusedAtHeart

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    Therapists can't do anything of the sort. They go by a strict confidentiality code that prohibits them. I do understand the phobia of people. I couldn't go outside up until last year. It's still hard.

    Don't say sorry. You don't have to apologize for feeling this way.

    I hope you feel better soon.
     
  7. JessieRayne

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    thank you.. i appreciate you trying to help me.. i hope everything turns out fine.. i guess it doesnt hurt to hope...
     
  8. Unkempt Harold

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  9. JessieRayne

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    *huggles* thank you.. ;~;