Ever since I came out to my mom, she's been basically trying to convince me that I'm not trans*. She often says things like "girls don't do that" and "you think like that because you have a boy brain". For example, my mom asked me to do something and I was really busy. Later when she asked me if I did what I asked, I tell her that I forgot (which I actually did) and she says that I have a "boy brain" because girls aren't lazy. She's just being super freaking stereotypical. Like today, she said I could eat the rest of the pork in the fridge because she wasn't going to use it. After I started eating it, she said "girls don't eat that much." It had been 3 hours since I ate dinner. There also wasn't that much pork in the box anyway. But the point is, that is just freaking stereotypical as hell. She also says that I can't do anything until I'm 18 anyway. I responded by saying that I could get hormones and stuff with parental consent, and she said something like a lot can happen in 3 years. So she pretty much ignored the parental consent part. It's really frustrating because instead of trying to understand she's just trying to prevent me from progressing. On a side note, I asked to to show the letter I wrote to my dad. We had decided that she would show him today, when all of a sudden she told me that she was going to show him on wednesday. When I asked why, she told me she didn't feel like showing him today. Can anyone help make some sense of all this?
She's just trying to find excuses to "prove" you aren't trans, It's asinine. I'm a cis female and I do everything you wrote up there and so do most of my friends. She's in serious denial.
I think your mom is having difficulty with what you are saying and doesn't want to realize you are being serious. In a way I can relate to what you are saying with the way your mom is trying to talk the whole matter away. I had a similar experience with my parents about my disorder. I think perhaps try to see a psychologist with your mom, try to make her understand you are serious about this. Sometimes a third party can help I find.
My guess is she just wants to try and turn you away from your female identity. Lots of parents do that, consciously or otherwise, with many identities or interests their offspring have. My mom tried to do the same thing with my interest in yaoi and lady parts and lolita fashion. Except she just kept bringing up things she perceived were characteristics of my interest and didn't like. What could easily be a great idea or a terrible one, you judge, is suggesting mother-daughter activities for weekends and get her familiar with your female self. Maybe go to a salon, if that's your thing.
MsEmmzy, I am so sorry you are having problems with your mom. I am not in any way saying she is right and I do think she is handling things all wrong. BUT as a mom I am going to put some mom viewpoint on this. It is hard as a parent to see your child change. Just the usual changes are hard. "The baby is born and the gender is ______ so the life plan goes like this" visuals in your mom's head have been massively altered. Yes, she is ignoring what you have told her. Yes, she is trying to convince you that you are wrong. Yes, she is messing up and she is failing to support you. I am sure you had a point where you were confused and struggling to wrap your head around your gender and orientation. It sounds like your mom is going through her own struggle now trying to realign her view of you with your view of you. If your mom keeps saying or doing these kinds of things try responding with "mom, it hurts me when you say/do things like that." If she suggest your forgetting to do something is because of your "boy brain" and "girls aren't lazy" (laughing in my head on that one cause my daughter forgets what I ask her to do all the time and I am a lazy old broad myself) maybe reply with "I forgot because TEENS are notoriously forgetful." If she suggest you are eating too much because you are a boy or for any other reason maybe say "please don't make me feel bad about what I eat. I don't want to wind up with an eating disorder." If she keeps postponing showing the letter to your dad maybe do it yourself. If you have the letter or a copy of it then leave it where he can find it (before she sees it) or give it to him. If it was the only copy then maybe try writing another one (I know how hard it can be to re-write an important letter but if it is important to you to tell him then it will be worth the effort) and give him the new one. I do hope you can find a way to let your mom know how much she is upsetting you and that she will work on being more supportive. I hope your dad accepts and supports you as well. Hang in there and give your mom some time to get there. Hopefully she will remember that regardless of gender or orientation you are still her baby growing up and finding your own way to healthy and happy. It is what mom's want most for our kids, or at least it should be. Good luck to you.
as a person with a mother that does the same thing about my gender all i can say is to give her some time to cope with the fact you are trans*, if she doesn't by the time you turn 18 high tail it out of there.
