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She kind of likes me...should we talk it out?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by demonbarbers, Jun 11, 2014.

  1. demonbarbers

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So for a while (a long while actually...it's almost 7 months at this point) I've been pining for a girl I met in the beginning of the school year (let's call her Marie). She is one year younger than me but is so mature I often forget she's not actually older than me. Surprisingly, we became friends rather quickly and even closer as time went on. This is surprising because Marie has a reputation for being rather cold and not easy to open up. Anyway, a few months after becoming friends I realized I was developing romantic feelings for her. I never once considered she would feel the same way because a) I didn't know if she wasn't straight b) she seemed to just think of us as good friends.

    Naturally, I kept my feelings under wraps so as not to harm our friendship because I value it very much. I told my closest friends about it, who were also very close to Marie. One of my friends told me it was a mistake liking her because she was dealing with personal issues and she would never return my feelings anyway. This hurt me so I tried to ignore the feelings and avoid her at all costs. But eventually her birthday was approaching, and on a whim I bought her a necklace with a tenor saxophone charm on it (one of the many instruments she plays). I gave this to her along with a mix CD I made. My friends told me I had made a huge mistake because I was hurting myself by putting false hopes in something that would never happen.

    However, not long after my friend (let's call her Jane, who is very close to Marie as she's known her much longer than I have), Jane noticed how Marie had begun to talk about me a lot...in a way one does when they're crushing on somebody. At this point we were both confused because Marie was not normally like this with people. Our other friend (let's call him Ryan) continued to feel like I was mistaken and over-analyzing things. However, we began to talk a lot more on Facebook like I would spend five hours straight talking to her and she began opening up to me. Eventually, she told me she was struggling with denial over her sexuality--she came out to me as bisexual, although she clarified she preferred the term gay. Supposedly, she had not told anyone but me and that was the end of that. We never discussed it any further after that.

    This continued on for a while, and Jane told me that she felt like Marie was beginning to like me back. Just over a week ago was my birthday and I invited Marie to my birthday party. I didn't think she would come because she had a musical she was working on (she does a lot of tech for theater programs) but she promised me she would come if only for an hour. By this time I noticed how physical she had become--she touched my hand more, she went out of her way to look for me and talk to me, and she even hugged me a lot more. So she came to my birthday party and she gave me a gift, which she didn't get to see me open because by then she had gone off to work her show.

    When I opened it, I was legitimately in tears. She had bought me the OBC soundtrack for Cinderella (2013) and a copy of The Catcher in the Rye. I had only briefly mentioned once my obsession with the Cinderella musical and I told her how much I wanted to read The Catcher in the Rye when she told me she was reading it. It was by far the most thoughtful gift I had ever received, especially in how she wrapped both the CD and the book and covered them with tissue paper and placing them in a gift bag. And her card was just as heartfelt--considering how awkward she can get with expressing her emotions.

    This was so stunning even Ryan was stunned. He told me that in the years he had known Marie, he had never once seen her put so much thought and effort into something as she did with my gift. He then began to question whether he had been wrong about her and was soon just as confused. Jane now felt even more convinced (although not completely) that Marie returned my feelings.

    Now, fast forward to this past Monday. Marie and Jane were invited to a party and while Jane was driving Marie home, Marie asked about the person I was crushing on after seeing some anonymous questions asking me about it on Tumblr. Jane, already knowing, got really nervous and tried to avoid the subject by nervous laughter. Marie began to suspect something and prodded at the subject some more until Jane finally asked Marie if she liked me in that way. Marie responded that she had recently developed some feelings for me. Jane continued to explain that I had liked Marie for a while now and had constantly been freaking out over it. Marie told Jane that she had some feelings for me, but she hadn't actually thought them over much.

    Which is what leads me here. Yesterday, after Jane told me all this, I talked to Marie after avoiding her for a couple of days. However, our conversation felt...off. It was no longer as fun and natural as they normally are. I'm so confused. I don't know if this is because she wanted to talk to me about our situation (because she now knows perfectly well how I feel about her), if she was weirded out because I like her a lot and she only has some small feelings for me, or what? I really want to talk to her about it, but I'm afraid it's too soon. But I'm also worried that she's expecting me to talk about. I don't know what I should do anymore and I've been on the verge of tears such pondering this every waking minute.

    I want to sort things out, to get our feelings out in the open face to face, and decide what we will do with those feelings. I've been with this struggle for too long and I just want to either start something with her or finally get over it and move on. But should I talk to her? Or is it too soon? Is it best to just sort things out now or should I give her more time to think about it?

    I'm so sorry this was so long but I will profoundly accept any advice given to me. you're all fantastic and so kind for reading through this, thank you.
     
    azzi likes this.