I found out that my bf would actually cheat on me because I asked his friend (who he does not know i am friends with too) to try to ask him about his love life. My bf said he's available and that he's willing to date my friend. My heart broke, and it's very painful. But I plan on seeing my bf. Errr, I dont know what Im really asking here. Perhaps you guys caould give advice on what should I say? If he asks me to at least be a FUBU, since we started like that, should I say yes, since I know I will miss him?
I would ask him how serious he is about you. I think its a pretty direct question. Doesn't have to be accusatory or anything like that. Just matter of factly ask him how he feels about the two of you and if he would want to just date you. if you haven't had that conversation, then it is possible that he wouldn't consider it cheating.. After all, there is nothing keeping you from dating other people either. Admittedly, I tend to be in the "If you didn't say it, then I can do whatever I want" group. It helps to have clarification and to be clear on your intentions and what you expect. He might not want to seriously date, or he sees you as his fuck buddy still and you might be stuck in the FB zone..
Thanks man. I forgot to say in the first post that he said we are exclusively dating and he gets possessive actually. He doesnt want me to see anyone, I just thought it's the same. Does that change things?
Edit: The above was posted while I was writing, so this is an edit of my earlier post. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, and it's got to be upsetting. My first response is... if he's telling the first person who asks that he's available to date, then there are one of two possibilities: either he has no integrity, or else your perception of your relationship and his perception are different. I'm leaning at the moment toward the second, because you describe your relationship as "exclusively dating" which is very different from "boyfriends." "Exclusively dating" does not imply the kind of commitment "boyfriends" does, so likely he believes that it has not reached the stage where he is fully committed to you. However, he would still owe it to you to tell you if he were seeing someone else. In any case, what it does say is that he is not all that committed to you, and my advice would be to end it. No sense being with someone who isn't as committed to you as you are to them, because that's just a recipe for problems. If you find yourself questioning whether you should end it, another question to ask yourself is "Don't I deserve someone who loves me fully and unquestionably and is completely committed to me?" If you can answer that question "Yes I do" then... this guy probably isn't the one for you. If you have difficulty answering that question with a resounding "yes", then you have some self-work to do, because everyone deserves someone who will treat them well, but people with self-esteem problems don't believe that, and so they typically have a pattern of attracting unhealhty people who keep taking advantage of them or hurting them... until they do the self-work to attract healthier people.
There are points unclear on your situation: - Is your boyfriend in closet? - According to your out status you are in closet so I assume your relationship is in closet as well, yes? - What was the gender of your friend who asked him out? Picture in my head is your "female" friend asked your closet boyfriend is he will date her or not. As he can't say I am seeing someone publicly because of your closeted relationship, in name of saving his face, especially if your friend know he is not seeing anyone, he might replied like that. If that is the case you are just being silly. If not, I don't have enough info about your boyfriends personality, your living conditions and agreements so not commenting.
Hi. Yes, we're both in the closet, and so is our relationship. The friend I asked is an open gay. ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 03:17 AM ---------- I see. But I do feel that perhaps it is time to end it. I just wish there's still chance because I have never felt to anyone the way I feel about him. It's gonna be tough, but I guess i have to ask him to let me go and stop making me guess where I stand.
