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Long Distance Breakup Advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sunshine Cries, Jun 19, 2014.

  1. Sunshine Cries

    Full Member

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    Hey, y'all.

    So, here we go. I've been in a relationship with this girl for seven months now (as with the title, long distance, her on the other side of the country). I kind of rushed into this relationship, given I was desperate to no longer be alone, and now it's finally hit me that long distance isn't healthy for me, and I need to break up with this girl.

    Here's where it gets complicated.

    My girlfriend is convinced that I'm The One, her soulmate and all. She's stopped self-harming and has been taking care of herself because of me. Me breaking up with her would devastate her beyond all hell, and I've already been through that and don't want to do the same to her.
    Furthermore, my friends are also convinced that she and I are meant to be, and I would lose all their trust.

    However, long distance is taking its toll on both of us, my whole family would never allow my girlfriend into the house even if she was able to make it to my state, I don't want to have to keep lying to her for forever, our lifestyles are completely incompatible, and I feel like she would be better off with someone in her own town.

    Advice would be greatly appreciated, and I'm sorry for whining. I just need a nudge in what seems to be the right direction.
     
  2. Phoenix Rising

    Regular Member

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    I think you need to get on skype with her, or however it is that you communicate with each other best, and just tell her everything that you just told us. Of course, it's probably not going to be something that she wants to hear, (who ever does?) and I know that you don't want to hurt her, but it is better for you to be up front and honest with her, and communicate. You are worried that she might start to self harm again if you break up with her, but you can not be held responsible for what she decides to do or not do. Nobody can be responsible or truly to blame for anybody elses actions, their actions are their choice and their choice alone. They can choose how to handle a situation, so please do not feel trapped or guilt tripped into staying with her. Even if she would start to self harm again, I'm sure she would eventually find somebody else again who would pull her out of it. After all, nobody stays alone forever. We break up, we bleed for a while, and then after a while, we get tired of bleeding, sew ourselves back up, and put ourselves back out there. The heart knows when it's ready. Just be honest and up front with her and see what happens. There really isn't anything more you can do, and there is no sense staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy, just for the sake of the other person. That only damages you, and it can't be one sided.

    ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2014 at 04:47 PM ----------

    Correction: I meant to type "something that she doesn't want to hear" whoops :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    You really should be honest. It will hurt her, but It's better than stringing her along.