I am not sure how to feel right now. It seems like whatever I do is not going to be the right choice for anybody. Ok, so there is this girl who works at a bar/restaurant next to my house. I go there a lot both with my family and by myself and I talk quite a bit with the waiters there and she is one of them. I have spent quite some time trying to figure out if she was flirting with me or I just had one big imagination. She is extremely sarcastic and kind of aggressive sometimes in the way she talks. Anyways, I noticed that she made me nervous every time she talked to me for some reason and in the past few months she had started asking more personal questions (always sort of joking) about friends and boyfriends. So the other night I was there and she asked if I would wait for her so we could go out and I said yes and I waited and we went out. It didn't take long until she told me she was gay, I told her that so was I and she just kissed me. Up until here, everything great. We drank (a lot) and had a great time, as far as I can remember, at least (I tend to go a bit crazy when there’s alcohol involved) but we spent the entire night together until I got home at 8am so yeah, it was a long night. So yesterday, as I tried to figure out where to go from there I really just wanted not to make things weird so I decided to go to the bar and she seemed happy to see me and kept flirting with me for some reason (touching my hand, etc.) and she also seemed concerned as how I was feeling. But she kept asking of what I wanted, not saying much herself and at one point she did say something, that she was in a relationship (of course she is!). And here comes the train wreck. We talked after she finished work; she was saying that by the time she thought about her girlfriend (they live together, which makes all of this just so much better…) it was too late and that she wanted what happened that night. The whole conversation was a bit strange, she was saying she wanted to kiss me but that she knew she shouldn't, at one moment we did kiss and we both backed off, she kept flirting and my head was just a mess. Apparently she had told her girlfriend about what happened and she was mad (no kidding). I told her that what I wanted didn't matter, that she was with someone. She said something in the lines of now how would I trust that she wouldn't do that to me, too (all the time she talked about a hypothetical relationship) and I said that I didn't want to be the reason someone is hurt. The worst part is that I don’t even feel angry that she omitted the girlfriend part; I do feel hurt but mostly because she keeps dragging me towards her for some reason I can’t understand. I don’t get why she kept asking me what I wanted, I feel guilty that I want to see her when I know I shouldn't. I feel confused and I don’t know what to do. This was a long one... i guess I just needed to let it out. Thanks for taking the time to read this
I do have an update (if anyone is interested): I saw her at the bar earlier. I actually didn't think she was working and I almost freak out... anyway, between half conversations there and later by text, she has told me that I make her nervous (which is ironic, considering I can't say an actual sentence when she's around) and that she wants to kiss me. She has asked me what I feel and we are sort of talking about meeting later when she leaves work. So I'm a wreck. I have no idea what she honestly wants and I really don't want to mess anybody's life (which I feel guilty about doing). This is not the first time someone lies to me about being with someone. And I have been on the other end, being cheated on... I feel terrible and I honestly don't know what to do. Even if nothing happens I really feel I need to talk to her outside work, just for our sanity, considering that I go there with my family all the time. I really just don't want to ruin her life... I don't know, I feel like a complete mess... Any thoughts?
