Okay somethings just been annoying me and I need to get it off my chest... hopefully this will work. I guess I'm a weird person. I enjoy being with my friends; almost to the point where it's become a drug that without them I just feel crap. So I enjoy being with my friends; we have fun. But I'm also the type of person that sometimes enjoys being with one friend. Like a one on one hangout. So when I try to organise something and it doesn't work out -especially recently- I just feel like shit. It makes me think that, although the reason they used was most likely perfectly valid, I still feel like they're avoiding me. For example I recently tried to arrange that me and a friend hangout at my house and today I was told that they were spending the day with their dad instead. I don't get to talk to this friend one on one often, so it's a rare thing and it's one of the few things I cherish, to the extent where just remembering it can bring a smile to my face. So when I feel like they're avoiding me, I begin to get paranoid that I've done something wrong. And not only do I feel like shit but I also feel like I'm being selfish; I just get these automatic thoughts like:- "So they would rather do (whatever) instead of hanging out with me?" "So I'm a last resort, am I?" Just those kind of thoughts that can spiral out of control. And more often than not I feel depressed, especially when it's a friend that I care about deeply, one which I've probably revealed more of myself to than they would like, and one that I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of losing. I suppose it doesn't help that this friend in particular doesn't always tell the truth; he seems to lie even when he doesn't need to, so I'm always wary that they might be telling lies. I suppose I just feel like this because I feel that my friends are closer with each other than they are with me; they hangout with each other more than me and I just feel like and object in the room which they will only occasionally interact with. Any advice?
I wish I could give you advice but truth is, I'm quite similar in a way. In reality, I was: I really enjoyed spending time with my friends doing anything, I didn't care what just enjoyed their company. I also felt that they were closer with each other than with me and that they only called me if they couldn't find a better thing to do. Today I understand that most of it came from my own insecurities and self-loathing and they probably never thought about it. I am not the kind of person who talks much about how they feel so to this day I don't think they know how I felt. It changed me; I became reclusive and now I barely go out anywhere with anybody. I still see my friends now and then but not like before, and I know it's my fault that I have lost a few of them. About that particular friend, the one who tends to lie... I used to have a friend like that. She just lied about everything even when it didn't make any sense. I'd say don't take it to personal if he is like that, maybe he genuinely couldn't make it, just don't over think too much. I really wish I could help you more! Hang in there (*hug*)
I would suggest from experience that you need to grow in self confidence, and dismiss worries of nonacceptance. If these people no longer want to be your friend then move on. Plow ahead through life and discover new friends and family. Perhaps participate in activities that you like (ex. underwater basket weaving) you'll get out and be with other people, be happy, and make new friends.
