Hey, so I went out alone for the first time on Friday and had a really fun time on my own. I even met the first guy who caught my eye at the bar (and I think the cutest guy there) and we ended up hitting it off. We went outside for a cigarette (which I don't normally smoke, but started bringing out with me just to have an excuse to talk to someone) and we talked for a while and watched funny SNL videos and made out a little bit (pretty sure my recent ex saw us making out on his way in or something, but whatever). He was super cute and I really enjoyed talking to him. We texted a bit yesterday but left it with me asking what he was doing last night, and he never responded. I don't want to seem desperate, but I do really want to hang out with him again. When is it too soon to text him again after I left the ball in his court? Should I just wait for him to respond to me? I've never met anyone out before, only ever on dating websites, so this is a new experience for me. I don't want to come off like a weirdo, but I'm the kind of person that is very direct and I don't like to play games. Any advice?
This is one of those places where there's no clear right-or-wrong answer. However, generally speaking, most of the people at bars and clubs are looking for a good time, not a relationship. Bars and clubs are primarily meat markets, and people can act like it's the best most amazing thing ever... and then never talk to you again. On the other hand, it's possible he's working/lost his phone/something like that, so giving him the benefit of the doubt is also a reasonable thing to do. I do think giving it some space and trying back in a day or two. I, like you, hate the games and protocols and tend to be very direct with people. Just be aware that for most people, they will have difficulties doing that. Couple other thoughts: It might be a good idea to spend a little time thinking about what you are after. If you go out looking for a relationship right now, it's almost certainly going to be a rebound and those usually don't end up well. If you're just looking to have fun and have hookups, that's fine too as long as you're clear both to yourself and others. But in general, it's usually a good idea to give yourself some space, for a month or two, after ending a long relationship before jumping into another one. Also... I can't tell you how many people I've talked to that never smoked, and made the mistake of taking cigarettes to clubs for the exact reason you stated. Nearly all of them end up addicted smokers. The cigarette companies have spent billiions engineering their product to be as addictive as humanly possible, and they are... studies show that cigarettes are more addictive than heroin. I'm sure you'll tell me that won't happen to you, but no one ever plans on getting addicted. So if you continue, that's almost certainly what will happen. If you're OK with that, then go for it, but I feel like it's important to give that warning, even though the majority of people ignore it until it's too late.
