I seem to attract people who are flaky and flighty. I don't pick them that way--that's just how they always turn out to be But I'm really getting concerned now with the girl I like...is she really too immature in relationships, friendship or otherwise? I admit. She's flaky. She's spontaneous. She doesn't like the pressure of commitment, and is totally the embodiment of wanting to "live it up while we're young!!" And of course, she doesn't always think things through. I do what I can to keep her on track without nagging her about it, but unfortunately I would want to do anything for her. She asked me to go to Japan with her, and I was racking my brain to think of a way to follow her half around the world two weeks after I'm return from my own study abroad until I found out it just wouldn't work and there was really no need. I'm in this state where I'm desperately trying to prove myself to her without seeming desperate before she graduates next year--I'm trying to show the results of my effort without letting her know that I'm running in circles to play things cool. I'm trying to prove that I can be that one person who stand by her no matter what, that I have what it takes. She really needs that, and I'm willing to put in the effort. I'm just scared that she won't reciprocate. I'm worried that she'll leave me hanging by myself because she can't commit. I'm worried she'll abandon me if I don't go along with every idea she has, no matter how ridiculous. That maybe if I can't participate in everything she suggests, she'll leave me behind all the times after that. Mostly, if I can't pack up and travel with her or if I can't afford money to do the things she wants. It's silly of me, isn't it? Of course such a shaky relationship sounds like no good. But I want to know, what do I really have to lose for trying besides her? I suppose this summer will be a test for her. She's told me sweet things before, that if I ever really needed anything, I would become her first priority. Even if things at my home get bad, all I need to do is tell her and she'll pick me up to drive back to our college town with her. But now we'll see. Can she really do what she says she will? Any advice, encouragement, or comments are welcome, and I thank you if you read this and listened to me and my petty problems! (*hug*)
If you can go to Japan that'd be amazing, but i don't see how she could hold that against you if you can't go. I've been that flaky friend when it came to hanging out, but if you're two hours away and locked your keys in your car or broke down -I'm the first one to be there. Or if you broke up and need a place to stay you can always crash with me. Give her a chance. If she fails you, don't hold it against her, but start thinking of her as a last resort. I really gope she can reciprocate your efforts and grow closer. Also she can't leave you behind if you adopt some spontaneity and invite her. I've lost lots of friends by not hanging out when they wanted but I also didn't include them when I went places.
Thank you! I've been learning that if I want to see my friends, not just her, then I need to invite them. I guess everyone needs a chance, don't they? Even the flakes. Thank you for the kind encouragement! ^-^ This girl also encouraged me to do this over the school year because none of her other friends ever invite her out--they always expect her to do the planning and entertain them. So I've done that, and even if she says no I always ask her the next time. Hopefully I'll be able to see her at least every once in a while over the summer :/
For me it was always - well what if they say no how will I feel and less how would they feel if I didn't make the offer. I tend to do damage control before anything and its a bad habit. We have to water our friendships, talk to them, give them enough room to grow and never forget they need real sunshine and that too many rainstorms can hurt them as well. Yes my friends are flowers
That's adorable! :lol: I think that's a good way to look at it--how will they feel, not so much how you would feel. People forget that so much, when it's really very simple if you only think of it!
