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Confusing hookup with "straight" best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Anomander, Jun 23, 2014.

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  1. Anomander

    Anomander
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    Hey everyone,

    So this might turn out to be a little explicit...

    I had kinda confusing experience with my best friend last week and would appreciate some insight if anyone else has been in a similar situation. So I have had the whole straight crush thing for the last several years for my best friend. I used to think maybe he was at least bi but I have been out to him for a year now and I really began to think he wasn't and it was just wishful thinking on my part. He pretty much has always had a girlfriend the entirety of our friendship and when he doesn't he generally has someone he is fooling around with. It also seems like since I have come out to him he seems to have made an effort to talk about cute girls to me all the time and how much he wants to bang this or that. I also used to think he would give me mixed signals and confronted him about it (previous thread) and he just kind of shrugged it off and said sorry and kept doing it. Usually when we drink we end up sleeping together and I have gotten in the habit of jerking him off while he "sleeps". With the way he moves and how into it I get I really do not think he sleeps through it but we always pretend and never talk about it at least. I always figure he must like it because he keeps sharing a bed with me. Although sometimes he will go out of the way to have us sleep on couches instead. Anyway now that that background is out the of the way....

    So my straight crush for years went to Pride with me a weekish ago. Currently he is single as he is kinda fighting with his girlfriend. We end up drinking quite a bit and have to taxi it home. As soon as we get back to his place he sprawls out on the couch and tells me to lay with him. He then out of nowhere tells me I can do anything I want with him. I say something like "I want you" and end up starting to suck him off. We move into his bed room and I pull off all his cloths and get to work. Throughout this little adventure I continually ask him if he is ok with what I am doing because I was still in shock that this was happening. The whole time however he is telling me things like "I'm not gay, I am just doing this to try and help you" and "Don't expect us to do this all the time" and things like that. He would not jerk me off or blow me at all because "hes not gay" but he was rock hard for an hour while I was working on him. He also tried a couple times to penetrate me and asked me to do the same to him, and he even asked for a rimjob. I guess my confusion is I would think all the ass play would be considered "gayer" that normal oral, no? So long story short we try to F*ck each other but it really doesn't work out because we have no lube and neither of us have ever done that before... but he gets me to finger him and I suck/wank him off for an hour before I give up. He wouldn't cum...all he would say is "why do you want me to come?" "What do you get out of it?" I also try to kiss him a bit and got nothing in return. So he was really only interested in anal because "he's not gay"? I then put his underwear back on to at least avoid the awkward chance of him waking up naked and not remembering anything.

    I guess I am just not really sure what to make of this. I mean he was the one who opened this up and invited me to hook up with him and yet he refused to return any favor to me. He made it clear in the morning he didn't remember how he even got home, which I am assuming is pretty much saying "Don't bring it up because I don't remember or I'll pretend to not remember." But then he has been continually asking me if I am mad at him for that night. (He is not specifying the hookup, but I think him getting sick but maybe indirectly specifying the hookup). I just don't know if this is something I should try and pursue again next time we drink to see what happens? I mean I have a hard time buying the whole just trying to help me be ok with myself thing... If he didn't have any attraction to me he wouldn't be able to be aroused after all. I mean if one of my female friends tried to do the same thing nothing would be going on down stairs for me. I guess too after seven years of fantasizing about this I was left a bit disappointed. Everything is ok between us and nothing is awkward, I just do not know if I should bring it up or not to talk about. The last thing I want is for him to say he doesn't remember and I tell him he f*cked me. Seems awkward.... Has anyone been in a similar situation?
     
    #1 Anomander, Jun 23, 2014
  2. DangerAlex

    DangerAlex
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    Drinking tends to make people very uninhibited and do things they wouldn't normally do. That said, xdrunk or not if he had ZERO interest in guys he wouldn't have let you here him off those times and he wouldn't have invited you to mess around with him that night. So I'm inclined to say that, yes, there is probably SOME level of interest.

    He could just be curious. Maybe your being gay has made him wonder what it might be like. Or perhaps he does have genuine attraction to you. Whatever the case, you can't force him. Chances are that the more you push, the more he'll pull away. After all, even with his invite he'll probably say that you're the one pursuing him.

    He does willingly sleep in the same bed with you knowing you're gay and interested in him and knowing what's likely to happen, which a don't feel a 100% straight guy would do. Clearly he's encouraging you.

    Since fooling around doesn't seem to make things awkward between you, my suggestion is to just keep helping him experiment. He's likely either going to get to the point where he decides he's not interested, or that he is in fact bisexual. Until that point though, I wouldn't keep pushing him to talk to you about what the two of you do unless HE brings it up. He is well aware of everything you're doing and, based on what you've said, it seems to me like he's just feeling it out what it's like to be with a guy. I'm inclined to think he's just curious because it seems to mostly be you doing things to and for him, although he also asked you to penetrate him as well, but one time while drunk COULD be chalked off to uninhibited curiosity.

    I hope this helps. Good luck.
     
    #2 DangerAlex, Jun 23, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2014
  3. Anomander

    Anomander
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    Yea I think that's really good advice, thanks! We drink pretty much every weekend so I will just have to feel it out as it happens and hope for the best.
     
    #3 Anomander, Jun 24, 2014
  4. ALilConfused

    ALilConfused
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    Holy shit... This is ME!!! I'm in the exact same situation you were, lol.

    To a much lesser extent, I know what you're going through, man. My "straight" crush seems to have magically forgotten a lot of the suggestive stuff he's done over the years that I occasionally bring up to gauge his reaction to it.

    There are a lot of flirty things a guy can get away with doing and still come off as straight, but this guy took it way too far for me to believe that he has no interest in men. The thing about alcohol is that it sometimes causes people to do and say things they want to, but would normally restrict themselves from doing for some purpose (in this case, he won't have sex with you while he's sober because that would force him to acknowledge the fact that he's sexually attracted to you).

    No straight guy would ever let things get that far, let alone be the one offering the sex. As far as I'm concerned, his actions have pretty much confirmed that he's bisexual, at the very least. The question is how you go about acknowledging this event.

    If you want to be with him and/or really care about him, then I think you should try to push a little bit. Now, I don't think you should go all Phoenix Wright on his ass, but I think the occasional comment making a slightly subtle reference to a past experience you've had with him would help. When he digests all of that stuff, he might eventually talk to you about what happened. At the same time, however, he may never admit how he really feels.
     
    #4 ALilConfused, Jun 24, 2014
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