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I'm not close with anyone...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by falcenav, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. falcenav

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I have a good amount of friends and my family situation is friendly and caring.

    But Im not close with anyone. Not a single person knows who I truly am except me.

    And its not just the fact that Im gay. Ive never been able to feel anything with anyone. I havent gone through hardships with anyone, developed deep friendships with anyone, etc.

    I do have friends, but I only hang out with them at school. No one has been in my house since the superbowl this year. If I had to pick "best" friends, I couldnt. Im not close with any of them.

    The friends I love the most are a guy and a girl; Im crushing on the guy (sexuality idk, presumably straight) and the girl is crushing on me. Im expected to like girls, but also expected NOT to date someone of a different religion since Im percieved as christian (she is Hindu, and my faith is broken because Im gay). So screw that. If I asked either of them out Id be called out either way. (Im attracted to guys but Im not completely closed off about girls, btw)

    Those are my two favorite friends. Not close to either, because I cant be. If I get closer to the guy, I might do something stupid and come out accidentally. If I get closer to the girl, she'll develop more feelings for me and I dont want to hurt her. I do really care for and love this girl, but Im attracted to guys. I tried dating a girl before but it was hard to keep up because i just wasnt attracted to her, and we werent good friends beforehand.

    My parents. If I come out as gay my dad will kick me out as soon as I hit eighteen. Cant be close with him. My mom...i dont know. Ive always been scared to open up to someone that has more power over me and can hurt me, and I dont know if she would tell my dad or not. My oldest brother has his own life now; my other brother is 9 hours away for the next 5 years. And if i ended up dating the girl my parents would probably be a little bothered that none of my lady interests are white (Last one was black). Im white by the way. Family is out.

    So my two friends are the only people Id consider becoming close with because of how they are and what values they hold. And I cant get close to them without screwing things up further.

    Im all alone with no one to relate to or talk to about stuff. And I know Im talking to you guys...but I need in-person face to face interaction.
     
  2. Peacemaker

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Columbus, Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    sorry if this question is intrusive but, where exactly do you live? is it in the US or a foreign country the answer could make it better for people to help you
     
  3. falcenav

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2014
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Im in the US. Gay marriage is legal here.
     
  4. Robben

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello. I hope someday you will meet someone with whom you would prefer to stay in a relationship with. Most of my classmates live a life that is separate from mine, and has been for many years. Some of them never found their way to recovery. When I came out to my family they said I was filled with surprises, but they also said they couldn't keep their doors or their hearts open to me since what I am feels strange to them. I have been in one relationship who I have transgendered and explored homosexual preferences with. I hope you can detach from those whose approval you seek, and that you find someone who you can share all of your feelings with.