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Afraid to hang out with conservative family friends...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by QueerTransEnby, Jun 27, 2014.

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  1. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    My parents are having this party get-together with a bunch of long-time friends from my old church. One especially likes to rail against the "gay agenda", one of my mom's best friends actually. I really don't think my mom is terribly bigoted to tell you the truth. While I don't like the adults my parents are friends with because of their views, 2 of their kids(girls) in their 20's have more or less been friends with me and as my mom said "grown up with me". They seem to be more tolerant. I am not out to anybody there, but why would I want to be in a hostile environment to me? And don't get me wrong, they are nice people except for when it comes to the LGBT community. I feel bad for not wanting to go because the 2 girls are nice and cool. I am normally a social person, but things are different now that I have come out to some other people. I naturally feel more comfortable around those people. My mom is ticked that I don't want to go.
     
    #1 QueerTransEnby, Jun 27, 2014
  2. mangotree

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    I guess it depends on what kind of person you are.
    The problem with people like that is that when they vocalise their bigotry - they don't know who's listening.
    If it was me, I'd go along as a defender on the LGBT community's behalf.
    There could be some other closeted soul there who feels alone and condemned, and without some 'alternative' points of view - well... you know how much it hurts.
    As you say in your signature - don't let bigots steal your joy. Or anyone else's for that matter.

    Being that you're 31 years old, you're well into adulthood so you're entitled to do whatever you want.
    If that's not going to the party - it's time for your parents to accept that.

    With the 2 friends that you "grew up with", if you really want to be friends with them - what's stopping you from being friends with them without the parents being around?

    Sorry, all of this sounds pretty opinionated and activist-ish.
    Just my opinion.

    Peace! (*hug*)
     
    #2 mangotree, Jun 27, 2014
  3. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    Well, and that's the thing. I am torn because I would want to say something because my mom's friend spouted all this b.s. against the discrimination ordinance being proposed to protect gays where my parents live. Yet, I don't want to risk being outed to these people. They are the type that would say that anyone who supports such an ordinance are likely to be gay. :frowning2:
     
    #3 QueerTransEnby, Jun 27, 2014
  4. OGS

    OGS
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    I will say if you aren't out it may possibly be a very frustrating experience. In my experience the only thing that tends to stop such people from saying homophobic things in a social setting is an actual gay person. I remember going to my parents' 50th wedding anniversary party--hundreds of Mormons many of whom I hadn't seen since my childhood. My partner and I were there and got introduced around to everyone. My partner was in the family pictures and I could see a couple people calculating that there were too many husbands and no wives--but no one said anything. I'm sure there were a lot of people there who thought a lot of things I wouldn't have wanted to hear--but every single one of them smiled and made gracious small talk. If you aren't out to these people it's possible they would say something homophobic, although really what would be the occasion for the topic to even come up?

    I guess the upshot of it though is that you're 31--don't go to parties you don't want to attend.
     
    #4 OGS, Jun 27, 2014
  5. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    You'd be surprised with some of these people. I ended up going, albeit late. My friends were gone, and the adults were left there. Of course, everyone was out on the deck, and the last spot left was by my mom's very homophobic friend. I brought up that I liked watching documentaries(careful of course to not say which ones), and then she brought up about this documentary called "The Agenda" on Google or whatever that describes the liberal agenda on all these issues. She didn't mention homosexuality, but it was all these others and stuff. I may even agree with a few, but it sounded so fear based. I'm sure there isn't anti-gay stuff in there.

    No, the "star" of the show was my dad tonight after the guests left. My little brother and I were flipping through the roku Christian channels and one came up for a presbyterian church, and my dad randomly says in a negative tone, "Oh yeah they marry same sex couples now or force their pastors to do so. Did you guys hear about this?" I lied and said I hadn't when I was raging inside...I wanted to say, "yes, I did, and gays should have the right to marry." I cried after he left and went upstairs, and my brother was really supportive thankfully. He gave me a hug. I'd be in a really bad place without my brother. I am out to him, and he got upset too after my dad left.

    Why am I worried about what my parents think you may ask? Well, they are financially supporting me right now as I am out of work and dealing with some health problems. Thanks for your support.
     
    #5 QueerTransEnby, Jun 27, 2014
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