My husband just told he wants to be a woman

Firstly, she's come out to you as female so you should start using feminine (she/her) pronouns for her.

Second you're gonna have to make a choice: are you so straight that you can't deal with her becoming more of a woman physically? Can you make allowances for this person? If you can't, and this is important to note, that is NO WRONG on your part. You can't change your sexuality, right? If it doesn't encompass female-presenting people, then there's not much you can do about it and it'd be healthier, in my opinion, to break up.

Much easier said than done? Yes, leaps and bounds more. Especially when you have depression. But staying in a relationship where you're unhappy will only cause the unhappiness to grow, and eventually it'll boil over and you'll both be unhappy, likely to a greater degree than if you two just broke up. Remember that you're an important part of the relationship! You're allowed to think of yourself and take action because of it, since if one or both partners aren't happy with the relationship then what's the point?

If she's an anchor for you and your emotional stability, why not just be friends? You can confide in, seek advice from, vent to, and get hugs from a friend (at least, a good one).

In summation, first, remember to use fem pronouns now! Yes it's a little difficult at first, and you will slip often; I still use the wrong pronoun for my friends sometimes! But the more you try, the better you'll get and the easier it'll get.
Second, decide if you could deal with having a girlfriend and, if not, go back to being friends.


Good luck!

---------- Post added 29th Jun 2014 at 04:58 AM ----------

*forgot you said she's your husband. Replace break up with divorce and girlfriend with wife

 

I totally understand what you are going through AMalone.
I'm not going through the same, but it has been a discussion between me and my genderfluid fiancée.

But first, Gregarity.... sorry if I maybe over reacted to this but.... What's the problem with being straight? What's the deal with you saying "are you so straight that you can't deal with her becoming more of a woman physically?" ??!? AM is (probably) straight. She love MEN. She is attracted to MEN. Testosterone. And it's NOT a choice!!! I know you said "if you can't it's not wrong" but the way you said it, it sound like indeed, it's wrong.

It's not just physical... Sexual orientation and attraction is deeper than only physical.
Even if AM *wants* to stay and she loves her partner, without her wanting it, she could slowly stop being sexually attracted as her partner become a woman. And it's totally understandable, because she is NOT into girls! She need a lot of support!!! She may be about to lose her life!! that's a hell of a big deal!!

She will love her wife just as much because she will be the same person, but love is more complex than that and by saying what you said, if it was me, I would have felt very cheap, guilty and lame.

And when you build your life with someone, the break up option can destroy you. It seems easy for others to say "well maybe breaking up is the best option" when you are not the one losing your love. It's her wife, not only a date.
And the thought of not being attracted to your love anymore that would lead to a break up is unbearable.

Now...
AMalone... I don't know what to say... but first, your wife needs to understand that you need to take everything a litttttlllee step at a time. She wants to become a woman? okay. If you can accept that, she has to accept to transition slowly at your pace. One little step at a time. Her transition will take longer than someone who doesn't deal with a partner, but both of you have to make compromises and understand each other's struggle.
Like... start with the pronouns.. then when you are comfortable with that, go on with the next step, like a piece of clothing or makeup, anything small..
And then when you are comfortable with that, go further, until you start seeing her more as a woman and are okay to see her start HRT.
It can take a year as it can take 5.

But if you two are willing to do anything to stay together.. that's what I would do.

but I totally get you.
If you need to talk, you can always PM me.

Sorry if I let this thread get to me that much.. I didn't want to be rude..
I just think that people here usually forget about the other partner of the relationship, and only cares about the happiness of the one transitioning.
BOTH happiness are just as important and I think that with compromise from BOTH sides, time and understanding, it can make everything go well.
But there's always the risk that your sexual orientation messes everything up, even if it's the last thing on Earth that you want.

 

Ahh thank you for calling that out Story! I could've worded that better; I was meaning to ask whether or not she was heteroflexible so that she wouldn't be bothered with being married to a MTF girl. Sorry for the confusion, it was my fault

 

Nobody has addressed the feeling of violation that must come from finding your partner posting sexual/explicit photos of herself online. That's something you should definitely talk to her about. As for the actual transition, that's something you'll both have to work through together. I imagine it was hidden from you out of fear; now that you guys have discussed it maybe you can be more open about what this actually means. Make sure to share your feelings with her so that she feels comfortable sharing her feelings with you. Whether or not you decide to stay together, honesty can only help.

 

Omg to each their own but I would have to move on and continue the relationship as friends