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The steps in accepting....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Wolf123, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. Wolf123

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    I feel exposed too much. Like a part of me keeps wanting to just be depressed. I literally have to keep keeping myself from hiding from people and becoming depressed. It sucks because people are so accepting of me coming out. I had a family reunion and someone found out I liked girls and said they just want me to be happy. What in the hell? Why aren't people upset with me? Right now I just feel like I can try to be straight. I don't like the feelings I get for other girls, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I could be feeling this way because right now I just feel sad, but at times I am scared of being in a relationship. When someone wants to get close to me even to dance and hug I don't want to feel. I want to feel numb because if I feel I will lose too much. I just feel like I can't let anyone in and when I do I may get them upset which I don't like.

    Sometimes I feel like a sabotage a friendship with a female I have feelings for just so I can get rid of the feelings. I felt bad because the last girl I ignored her because I just got scared of having and or forming those types of feelings for her. I have had feelings for other girls in the past and well I did not like that I thought of them in a sexual way. I don't want someone to think of me as a sexual person even though I would like that connection with someone. I just feel trapped. I feel the more people know, the more I want to hide. What the hell step am I at because I thought I was fine with it (I am at times), but right now I am just upset. I am upset because I have anxiety issues and have a difficult time letting someone in. Anyone else ever feel this way?
     
  2. Karabeara

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    I can't say that I really remember feeling this way. Maybe a little but definitely not to your degree. I'm thinking you're probably an introverted person with depression and anxiety issues. On top of that you're trying to accept yourself. It's normal to accept yourself sometimes but doubt yourself others though. So don't worry too much about that. And with the world we're coming too live in people aren't as homophobic (or pretend not to be) and while that's great it can be hard and confusing because we grew up thinking most people are homophobic. And it can be especially hard when we're still trying to accept ourselves. While I may not have felt what you're feeling I think I understand it. And I can't say I think it neccasarily fits into some acceptance stages. It's just the way you're feeling right now and that's okay. I would recommend working with yourself though before trying to bring anyone else into the mix. Good luck and feel better.
     
  3. rainshadow

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    You're not alone in many of your thoughts. Many of the points I feel too. I think that I've repressed my feelings for a long time and I didn't even know that I had done that. Sometimes the feelings that I feel make me scared because I haven't felt anything in awhile. There are times that I've wanted it to go away, to feel numb again and to hide away in the shadows, but I know that that thats the wrong way to go. I'm slowly working on building the courage.

    I commend you though for make the steps into coming out! That shows courage in itself. :eusa_clap
     
  4. neutron

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    I think I might understand how you feel, Im very private person and I don't like to tell people much about myself let alone my sexual life. I expect people to be mean to me if they know I like girl; in the past, I was maltreated because of it. I felt bad of course but Im used to it, it is like a shell covering and letting me be myself without anyone ever know about it. If they know, I would try to cover it by behaving opposite to what they expect like acting straight. There is a lot of pressure to come out, I don't personally see much point of doing that unless I feel the need to do so. I guess it all come down to me wanting to be private and work out the feeling on my own or with the selective ones that I trust.
    I was raised in a so called sex positive environment, yet I don't like the idea of talking about it or even discuss about it. I'd blame it to the fact that I haven't found the right person around me to talk to. If there is, I'd be totally opened to it and in fact, there is that somebody who would open up with you.
    You might also have a hard time trusting and fear of rejection, that might be why you set a wall when you had some inkling feeling for the friend. Guilt is a form of this wall perhaps. I was feeling guilty of having sexual thoughts to a friend who doesn't know I'm attracted to her, and the fact that I didn't know if she could reciprocate made me feel worse. I'd say let yourself feel it, there is nothing wrong, it is part of being true to ourselves.
     
  5. Wolf123

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    \\

    Thank you for your response. Yes that is my plan-to work on myself before getting involved with someone.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jul 2014 at 10:51 PM ----------

    Thank you for your response. With my friend, I can't let myself feel this way because she is in a relationship. In addition to the fact that every time I do have these annoying feelings for her I get nervous because my body goes insane which I don't like. I care enough to be her friend and let her be happy with the person she is with. This also means that if she ever tried to kiss me like she has mentioned I will not allow it because I care enough to not let it go that far. I can be her friend which I feel is the best.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jul 2014 at 10:55 PM ----------

    Thank you for your response. I am trying the best I can. I believe I am in the same boat. I have always blocked away most of my feelings because I didn't feel they were important. It is strange when even my counselor says it is normal for my body to feel weird when I am attracted to someone. I sound naïve, but really I just don't want someone to see me as a sexual person. I don't want to be with someone for that reason. I want to connect with them, get to know them, be there for them.
     
  6. HTBO

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    I kind of understand what you mean. For so long I kept all of my emotions hidden and felt nothing, but since I began to come out, I seemed to have opened the emotional door and it's a little scary. I've been so used to not feeling or trying not to feel, I don't really know what to do with the emotions I now have. I'm working on it and trying to understand and maybe control (not repress) them somewhat. Focus on one thing at a time rather than think of everything at once, maybe you won't feel as overwhelmed.
     
  7. Tetra

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    I can relate to most of the points you've mentioned. Especially the more I want to hide, the more I want people to know.

    I also hate talking about my feelings to people, probably because I've drilled it into my subconscious mind that showing emotions is equal to weakness. Maybe you feel this way too? I find that it's easier to just downplay the fact that I like girls. I know it's a fairly big thing, but if I pretend like it isn't, it's easier for me to deal with and talk to people about. You are not your orientation, and your orientation shouldn't define you. You are still you, even after you've come to terms with everything. Your orientation changes nothing, and people won't see you any differently. It might even strengthen a lot of relationships!