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Just told my girlfriend I did gay porn

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Intodeep, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. Intodeep

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    This is more advice. If you had any gay relationships a and want to remain with your girlfriend then never tell them. They are wired to want a man that isn't gay or bisexual. I don't think it's there fault anymore then our fault for being gay or bisexual. It just sucks because love doesn't always prevail and the demons that haunt your life may prove to big for most. Don't know how much I can take if this I feel like I am undatable and my decision in my past life have ruined my future if being truly comfortable and happy with my self. I told her and she's shocked she can't believe it and can't look at me the same. I feel awful and loosing hope for a future with her and with any women. I don't want to be with a man my whole life I only like the play with my prostate not the rest.
     
  2. stocking

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    This is the double standard I can't stand with women I just can't stand it because if it were a woman doing lesbian porn she would never ever be treated this way . Honestly they treat men like their the plague and just because a guy touched one guy he's automatically gay this BS boils my blood I can't stand it when I woman acts like that.
    I'm sorry you had to deal with this . I can see why many bisexual men are closeted (not saying your bisexual by the way ) I understand a straight man can do gay porn and not be into men at all because you don't make that much money doing straight porn but if a man does this he's automatically thought of as gay , This is when I get sexual behavior doesn't show orientation because I'm assuming you did it for money .
     
  3. Chip

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    Hi,

    Welcome to EC.

    I'm really sorry you've had such a negative experience. I can understand the dilemma you're in: Wanting to be honest with your girlfriend, but knowing that it could really affect her feelings.

    I can tell you that there are women (and men) for whom it will be a dealbreaker, and women and men for whom it won't be. The people I know who have done porn work generally tell the people they're dating pretty early in the relationship because sometimes the damage of not disclosing it early on is worse than the information itself.

    The important question for you, since you define yourself as "questioning" is what's really going on with your orientation. If you are genuinely strongly sexually attracted to women equally with men, or more so, then being in a relationship with a woman makes sense. But if you are choosing women more not because of attraction to them, but because you don't want to be gay, are afraid of society's stigma, family judgment, or things of that nature... then you're going to be really unhappy in the long term.

    The right person, male or female, will appreciate you and love you for who you are in every way, including past decisions you've made. That person is definitely out there.
     
  4. Intodeep

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    I am definitely affected by the stigma. I get arroused by both but I learn way more on the women side. It's complicated I like what a women offers and I live the sex and am turned off by the masculinity of men but also like parts if the sex. I'm not some one that sleeps around despite what it sounds like I think sex is very personal and I feel very connected to my girlfriend. Sorry if it's to much info but I wouldn't mind if she strapped something on some times that sounds way more attractive to me then a man. P.s I'm not putting down men just telling my personal preference. So I don't think shell do that or believe I'm a man for even wanting it. But I have to face it once I got into porn I discovered the pleasure of anal so it's hard to deny my self that.
     
  5. Chip

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    Honestly, you aren't alone. Among the producers that work with predominantly straight models in gay porn (you all know the sites I'm referring to), there's actually a lot of discussion of the psychological impact on straight guys of having sex with men, enjoying anal sex and prostate stimulation, and the confusion that can create with sexual orientation.

    Prostate stimulation feels good whether you're straight or gay, and there are plenty of totally straight men who enjoy it. But society likes neat-and-tidy boundaries and descriptions, so people have a hard time with a straight guy that enjoys bottoming.

    If your girlfriend is open minded, you might try and have an honest conversation with her about it and see if she'd consider trying a strap-on. Many girls find it to be a turn-on.

    The key here is open conversation. It can be very hard to talk about sex, and even more so to talk about non-traditional sex roles, but there's nothing inherently shameful about enjoying anal pleasure.
     
  6. Intodeep

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    Thank for the advice! It has helped I just have to give this time and see where it goes