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Have a boyfriend, but also attracted to someone else?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LAR, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. LAR

    LAR
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    Okay so here is my story. I met this guy online through a dating site, which said we happened to have 99% in common with each other. We started talking/texting just about every day for a few months, but were never able to meet up with each other because we lived 2 hours apart and both had different work schedules.

    Over time though I became attracted to him, and even though I only was talking to him for a few months it felt like I had known him forever. He was exactly the kind of guy I could picture myself with long-term. Eventually we did finally meet up, and it was great, and I was even more attracted to him after that than I had been before. But shortly afterward, he told me he wasn't ready to begin a relationship, and we stopped talking almost completely after that.

    It sucked, but I moved on, and ended up meeting a guy much closer to home, who I eventually began a relationship with. I have now been dating him for six months. I would still talk to the first guy every once in a while through text, but for the most part my feelings for him were gone and I was focused more on my current boyfriend.

    But as time went on, I think maybe some of the "spark" I had with my boyfriend started to die out, and I started thinking more again about that first guy I had been speaking with. I began texting him more often, and mentioned to him one day that I had been thinking recently about what it would have been like if he and I had ended up together. We both agreed it wouldn't have worked out since we lived 2 hours apart and would have barely had any time to actually see each other, but he admitted he still thinks a lot about me.

    Things are going poorly with his job and he is thinking of relocating, possibly closer to where I live now. I'll admit, even though I have a boyfriend right now, it would be really hard for me not to give into the temptation and try a relationship with this first guy, if he did end up moving closer to me.

    Basically (the TL;DR version) - I have a boyfriend now, but there's a guy who lives farther away from me that I think I have much more in common with and could potentially be happier with. I don't like the idea of long distance relationships so I'm not considering that, but there is the slight possibility he might be moving closer to me. Is it wrong of me to be dating my current boyfriend when I keep thinking about what it might be like to date this other guy if he ended up living closer?

    (Sidenote: I do really care about my current boyfriend and am happy in the relationship, but I know that I do have a lot more in common with this other guy)
     
    #1 LAR, Jun 30, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2014
  2. robclem21

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    "If you fall in love with two people always pick the second because if you loved the first, you never would have fallen for the second"
     
  3. greatwhale

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    I agree with robclem21...yes, it sucks that the timing and circumstances weren't right, but I have to ask: how well do you know the first guy? I find it concerning that "Things are going poorly with his job"...do you know why?
     
  4. LAR

    LAR
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    I'll admit I don't know the first guy as much as my current bf (obviously) since I only actually met the first guy in person one time. But we still really connected and found we had a lot in common with each other. Same interests, same values, same plans for the future... He just seemed like the perfect guy for me, but like I said, the circumstances were just too difficult for us to try a relationship since we would have hardly been able to see each other, and I don't like the idea of long distance relationships where this is very little or infrequent physical contact.

    I guess I worded it badly about his job... It has absolutely nothing to do with him. He works in retail and the management at his current location is enforcing a lot of weird new rules and protocols that make work miserable for him, so he is simply looking to relocate to a different store, one of which happens to be very close to where I live.