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Said I love you too soon. Did I blow it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Newby50s, Jul 1, 2014.

  1. Newby50s

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    First off, I haven't really dated much at all in my life. I didn't really have any relationships until my 30s and I fell in love with a guy at 36 (same age). He died tragically when we were both 40. Now I'm 56, and although I've had offers over the years, I pretty much shut everyone out. I've been out with maybe three people for a couple of dates. Never wanted to really go through with a relationship. I'm not really into one-night stands but I have done them after a few drinks.

    So, I go to NYC with my niece (I live in Texas) and visit an old bar haunt from the 80s and 90s - my friends who went with me there are now dead. A young man started eyeing me and I looked him right back in the eye, which is something I rarely do. So he came over and sat down and immediately told me I was handsome and amazing. I thought it was a little much and so did my niece. But I did meet him in the corner on the way out and gave him a kiss. He started texting me but I mostly ignored him. A couple of months later he came to Texas and I met him in a hotel lobby with a straight friend. I started warming up to him. He wanted me to visit him in NYC. It took all the courage I could muster (never done this before) and I went up there to NYC and got a room. He shows up to go to dinner and we had a fabulous weekend, we never left each other's side. It really could not have been better. He is very affectionate, wants to hold my hand all the time and other things! I was very skeptical at first and I tried to throw up a few roadblocks and tests to see how sincere he was. Yes, he really likes older guys. He is 28 and finishing his MBA. He is from the Middle East and has been in the country for 7-8 years in college. He was not wanting me to pay for things and I know he is not looking for a sugar daddy. On the night before I left, we went to a really romantic restaurant with live music and with the candlelight in his eyes, I became smitten.

    After that he went on a school trip abroad and I was really missing him and we were doing romantic, flirty texts back and forth but only every few days. We made plans for me to come back to NYC exactly a month after our fabulous first weekend together. In the couple of weeks before, he was texting a little less but still very romantic "you're amazing", "glad I picked you", "you are so handsome" etc. I was still a little skeptical and not really sure if he would pick me up at the airport - but yes he did. We could hardly wait to get to the hotel. Then we went to a great restaurant and happy hour at another old haunt. We then met a friend I had not seen in many years then went to another old restaurant haunt. So I was getting very emotional and nostalgic from not only the locations but also at how well this was going. I probably drank too much because I was caught up in things and a little scared that wow I had found somebody like this. So stupid me says the "L" word. It was not returned but there was a very passionate night. The next day we went to another great restaurant, holding hands and all seemed well. We were headed for a show and had a drink before on a rooftop we had wanted to visit. At the table he said, "your feelings are stronger than mine and I am not really ready for a relationship right now". I was pretty stunned but we went on to the show. I was kind of quiet and he asked if I was ok. I said, "yes". We then went to dinner at the same romantic place as before. I held his hands and looked into his eyes and said, "I said I love you and I do. I'm not sorry I said that. I think you have also made me realize a lot of things about myself and how I shut myself off from life all these years and I appreciate that whether we are ever together or not". He seemed genuinely moved and almost had tears in his eyes. After that we were holding hands, had a nightcap and then an even more passionate night.

    The next day I was leaving and he still seemed very affectionate but maybe a little distant. I tried to arrange another date but he really would not commit to any saying he was very busy trying to finish up school by October. He has no current job prospects and I really think he is being discriminated against because of his Arabic name. He seems to have excellent grades. He told me of his fear of having to go back home, where he has several job offers. He would then be forced to marry a woman or be cut off from his family and possibly beaten or jailed. Still he did not ask for help from me - I didn't offer but I think he knows I would.

    When I got out at the airport we hugged and I could not resist saying that I loved him again - I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I was kind of crying on the plane and I think the lady next to me realized this as she offered me some of her vodka!

    When I got home we were still texting but it was a little less frequent and romantic. I was in a text conversation with him where I proposed another couple of dates but he said he could not do those weekends. So, I texted back "No pressure, I just want to have fun with you - I won't be as emotional and sentimental next time". Then I basically put the ball back in his court on a date. It's been about three weeks and we are still texting sporadically - he does get in conversations with me but it seems I am texting more than he.

    He told me of a couple of past relationships, so he could be feeling burned and gun-shy or it's just that he is young and his future is very uncertain past November. He has never texted anything else that would not seem friendly or trying to discourage me. Then again maybe he is "just not into me" but his words don't seem to indicate that. He doesn't seem to be trying to lead me on because he was honest.

    I really feel I need to explain/apologize for unloading all my feelings on him but he really broke down the door I had put up for 15 years after the death of my partner in 1998. I don't think that was fair to him. Yes, I really want him but I have a job and obligations to take care of my 85 year old mother here in Texas. So I'm not sure how practical it would even be to call ourselves "in a relationship".

    Should I do this? I don't want to seem like a whiney person. I really was fine with being alone but being with him brought back the feelings of intimacy and caring - I did not know I missed those so much until I met him. So yes there was a flood of emotion, no doubt about that..maybe he will take that as a compliment.

    I do think he really likes me - he texts and says he thinks of me often. And sometimes still calls me "handsome"!

    I have kept my texts breezy and sent a few pictures of me going out with my friends to demonstrate I do have a life - have not made any references to a future date or sounded clingy at all. He has been sick and I have asked him how he is feeling...that's about it. He likes the World Cup so we've talked a bit about a couple of games.

    At my age I am losing friends to death - I lost two this year (so far) and one I really regret that I did not talk much to one in the last couple years. My mother may also be going soon. SO I think this is part of my motivation in telling this guy how I felt. Also I have never been in any kind of long distance thing - it seems to rush things up when you are together because you know your time is brief and there is no guarantee of a "next time".

    What should I do?
     
  2. bingostring

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    Hi Newby50s

    Thats an intriguing post and quite reassuring for someone like me who has nearly given up.

    My impression is that he seems sincere but is doubtless distracted right now by being in another country and all his family issues.

    How can it go from here?
    You let it fizzle out
    You visit him.
    He returns to the USA
    You agree to meet up in some other country for a holiday.
    You meet someone else.

    so many possibilities. I hope you will keep us posted. It sounds really romantic.
     
  3. Newby50s

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    Thanks! Actually he is here in the USA. However we are 1,500 miles apart. He will finish school in October but so far does not have any job offers. I really want to ask him to see me again but since I sort of put the ball in his court, I am reluctant to ask. I do think he really cares for me but I scared him. Sorta scared myself too. Some friends say I should ignore him to revive his interest but I hate playing games. Normally I am an extremely patient person but in this case I feel I am on pins and needles and I really miss him. I'd like to tell him that also but am afraid to do so.
     
  4. bingostring

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    OK, sorry I misread where he is now..
    Well, maybe sleep on it. You may wake up and feel compelled to contact him.. or you may get a text out of the blue …
    I hope for one of these..!
     
  5. Mystory

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    This is a really great story. It's really really nice to see some different types of stories around here in these parts of the forum as opposed to the usual, for some reason, oddly popular stories that you see lying around here. Please keep us updated.

    I am in sort of a similar situation with the person I like, with him leaving soon as well in November/December, so I can relate to why you began crying on the plane. It must be very hard to have someone come back into your life after all those years, only to be threatened with yet another loss- that, and at your age, I can understand your desire for some sense of certainty and comfort in, I guess, claiming someone for a lack of a better word. Initially when I read your story, I was a bit skeptical too- oftentimes it is possible for younger, attractive and often foreign men to prey upon older men in order to ensure some means of providence or subsistence (you of course already know this), but at least to me, there is already more than enough reason to doubt that these were his intentions- plus you are much wiser than him at this point in time- but even then, it is always possible to fall prey to such schemes. I think he sounds genuine in his affection, and I certainly think you shouldn't be playing games with him. If he were to truly return your sentiments, then you declaring your love for him firstly shouldn't bother him, and second of all, you confessing your past experiences to him certainly shouldn't be an issue either. But, as others have pointed out, the situation is a bit more complicated because of his culture, his family, and his age. I'm not being stereotypical, but everything points towards him fitting the archetype of the typical masculine male- that perhaps doesn't really indulge in sentiments that much- am I correct? This could have possibly been why he didn't return your love... perhaps he just has different ideas as to what love is- and perhaps some cultures are simply naturally more affectionate than western cultures (e.g. it being typical, to hold hands- although he has been in America for 7 to 8 years now so he should be aware of what signals that would be conveying)- so thus leads to him declaring that your feelings for him were stronger than his. I think for now, you need to remind him of the person that he initially went out with. That is, someone who was captivating, fun and interesting. As you've already done, continue perhaps indulging in lighter, more fun topics that could be used as grounds for discovering mutual interests... And I hope dearly that his feelings for you are reciprocated eventually. That said, you have to keep in mind the type of culture that he is coming from- a culture in which these sorts of romantic expeditions are suppressed and stifled... something of which I am sure you're already aware of.

    He also does sound like he has a lot upon his plate with family pressures, the finishing of his course, and potentially, the length and viability of his stay in America, so it's possible that focusing on romantic affairs might be the least of his concerns right now, and that he could have been simply searching for a light, fun affair....

    Just a few points however- I don't quite understand his situation in November. Is this a visa issue? Would he be forced to return back to his country of origin in November as a result of him having completed his degree in October? Is there also some limit on his stay, post-graduation? He hasn't asked you yet for some form of assistance, but as you've said, you're more than willing to offer it... It's a delicate situation as of this point, it's still a bit unclear what his actual intentions are, and if whether or not he is sincere (although he has indicated that he is sincere), and now comes the balancing game of offering help to a genuine person, as well as avoiding being used...

    Best of luck with it, I hope you keep us updated
     
    #5 Mystory, Jul 1, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2014
  6. Damien

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    Hi Newby,

    whatever happens now regarding this particular guy, that's a good realization, and how about really living those wise words of yours from now on, and remaining open to life and love? - as you said, whether you are ever together with him, or not.

    Beautiful words, by the way...I was moved. If someone I really liked said those words to me, I would probably melt right there on the spot.

    Damien (*hug*)
     
    #6 Damien, Jul 1, 2014
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  7. Newby50s

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    Thank you for your responses. I truly need your help and advice. We have been texting a couple of times a week, though it usually I who initiates them. Sometimes he doesn't answer but if I hit him at the right time we have a nice but light 'conversation'. He has made a couple of flirty and complimentary texts, so I think he is still interested. I have kept it 'breezy' as I have been advised.

    I have not brought up the "I love you" declaration or said any thing about my overly emotional behavior on the last trip.

    Tomorrow will mark five months since we met and I will probably text him to say this. I want to say "I miss you" but I'm not sure I should do that. I am also afraid to ask him when we can get together again (since I put the ball back in his court). I realize that doesn't sound good. Maybe it's all in my imagination to be scared. I was trying to give him time and not apply any pressure. I know that he is nearing graduation (earning MBA) and is under enough pressure and deadlines. I still don't think he has a job lined up after this.

    Should I just continue to be patient and let him bring up a trip to see each other? I am also wondering if he is hesitating about that because he doesn't want me to have to spend a couple of grand it would take to go. Again, besides telling me in the last trip that my feelings were stronger/not ready for that kind of relationship, his texts have never been negative nor discouraging except that he could not meet me on the two dates I suggested. They may have been too soon and conflicted with school or World Cup (turns out they were the exact dates of some big games!).

    I appreciate any comments. Am I deluding myself? I am willing to ride this out but it's difficult.
     
    #7 Newby50s, Jul 7, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2014
  8. Mystory

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    I don't think that you're deluding yourself... but i do empathize deeply with you. I am going through something similar (don't hesitate to check out my thread), and in saying that, I'm not quite liking how things are turning out for you. I think you should test the waters... nothing is wrong with saying that you miss him or that you like him for that matter. But that said, you should continue to do things as you are doing, with being a little affectionate here and there... you should start to, however, attempt to remove yourself from him, trying to perhaps meet other people, think and worry less about him. Do this until he pulls jis act together and has a serious talk with you to define the relationship and what he is expecting of you. If he rejects your feelings and wants a 'breazy' fling then fine- that's what you should give him. Why should you be worried and serious when he isn't? That's not fair... keep us posted
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    In your situation I'd just go for it. What have you got to lose? You have been alone for fifteen years, so take a chance and if it doesn't work out things stay as they are. You could take the chance and find that something develops.

    I think you did show your hand a bit soon with the "love you" comment, but don't cool it too much. I don't mean get carried away either, but if you want to meet up again, take the initiative and suggest a date (or dates to give him options).. somebody has to. He might be thinking you are going cool on him and you could have a stalemate situation where neither one of you attempts to take things forward. Eventually, it could just fizzle out.

    The main thing to take from this experience is your capacity to feel and want to love again. Even if things don't work out, don't let the momentum slip. You deserve happiness, don't you?
     
  10. Candace

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    I think you should go for it. Like the above person said, what have you got to lose? Do you want to regret this in 15 years and still be lonely?
     
  11. Newby50s

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    OK, so I went for it! We had quite a few texts (which he initiated) in the afternoon about the World Cup - he really is into it and hates Brazil so we had a lot of fun laughing about how Germany handed them a stunning defeat. Later I texted him that I looked at the calendar and realized it was exactly five month since we met.

    He said, "you're amazing", "we need to celebrate" and I texted him a short poem I wrote about him (not too gushy but very complimentary). He said, "Oh my God, my eyes are full of tears right now. I am so flattered, I don't deserve this". I said, "yes you do" Then he said, "you are such a wonderful man, I am so glad to know you".

    Then I said you know how I feel about you and that I was following him around like a little puppy dog on the last trip, which I hoped was not too annoying.

    He then said, "We had a great time" - then I said that he broke down the wall I had up and that I am grateful. He then texted about how he would love to hug me deeply, said I am a great man and he is lucky to know me - then - said a lot of other men would be lucky to know me too (not sure if that means anything).

    Something happened and my phone froze but I went on and said I would like to hug him too and hold his hand. Then I said "besides what I said to you (I love you - didn't text that) I also really like you". He didn't answer so I went on and said that I respected his honesty and would not put any unrealistic expectations on him. All I want to do is see him again and have more fun.

    He wasn't responding - it was very late - so I just asked if he was still crying, said I was happy and that I needed to go to sleep -- then I said I had a naughty dream and I would like to act it out with him!

    So then I said goodnight. Overall I thought it was a great exchange and I got to say some things I had been wanting to say, so I got it off my chest.

    It bothers me that he kind of dropped out of the conversation and said that thing about other men would be also lucky to know me...but otherwise I feel satisfied for now.

    I'm going to propose a trip in the next couple of days - let's hope he is talking to me and that I didn't overwhelm him again!

    Thanks again everyone, for your help.
     
  12. Black Raven

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    Hmmmm.

    This all sounds great, really.
    Don't see anything wrong with any of it, and I'm glad it turned out so well.

    It might really be a lack of self-confidence that makes him say things like "Other guys would be glad to have you". Insecurity. "Oh dear, I don't deserve someone as great as you!". Heard it before. It shows that he really cares, but make sure he doesn't put you up on a pedestal while forgetting about how nice of a person he is himself.

    When you do celebrate, celebrate each other, not just you. I know that's not your intent in the slightest, but it might be his intent, and extreme dependency can be dangerous in the long run.
     
    #12 Black Raven, Jul 9, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2014
  13. Newby50s

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    Thanks Black Raven. I don't think he is putting me up on a pedestal really but maybe some of his comments which sound so adoring (and made me finally fall for him) are those of a 28 year old who has only been in the USA for seven years. I know there are going to be some age-gap issues if we keep going but he really likes older guys and I really like younger guys (at least I think I do - they really turn my head - it may have something to do about me "missing out" in my own life until I was 36 - then in my 40s withdrawing because my partner died). I also think a little of that immaturity causes him to stop talking in the middle of something or not respond for a couple of days. He's always postive in the next exhange.

    Despite the fact that he is young, it has taken a lot of courage to come alone to a foreign country and leave an oppressive one (where he would have had a very comfortable life as a straight man), complete college and now almost finished an MBA, while having the confidence to go out and woo somebody like me. He has also traveled pretty extensively here - I haven't asked him if that was part of his two prior relationships. One was for some time and the guy ended up rejecting him (a guy in his 60s who turned out to be leading a "respectable" - but not married straight life in another town) and another for two years which didn't work out - don't know why.. the first is in his 60s and the second in his 50s.
     
    #13 Newby50s, Jul 9, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2014
  14. ABeautifulMind

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    I almost think you might consider talking about his plans when he graduates... hate for him to leave... maybe you could help him find work if he cant... IDK his field but if you know anyone in his field maybe you can arrange a job... that sounds VERY overwhelming at first, but if you think about it, you would do it for a friend right? and you can always just say you didnt want him to have to live a life in that oppressive country even if you two dont stay together... idk if this is a possibility but if you could arrange a job and then offer it to him I think his response may tell you his future intentions with you, assuming he doesnt already have work lined up...

    Plus if he did take the job he would be a lot closer...

    Now I dont know if you know anyone in his field professionally and IDK if you know anyone that can pull strings like that, but I figured if you can but you hadnt thought of it, maybe you would like the idea... also maybe tell him this way you two could actually date instead of these flings, and you guys could figure out if this is the beginning of something great, or just another "pit stop" on your journey...
     
  15. Newby50s

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    Update: we are still texting. I asked him to go with me to London to a cabaret show in mid to late August that my friends are doing. He said he has finals and would have to get a visa to go there with his current foreign passport. He said he would love to do that but he can't and that maybe next year when he gets his U.S. passport we could go. He thanked me profusely. He said, "I love stuff like that" - so I asked him when we could get together and he didn't answer. But he usually trails off on texts and I end up doing a couple that he doesn't answer. So he has been back in touch asking me how I am doing and talking about the last World Cup game. I didn't answer. This was yesterday.

    This is strange but it doesn't seem to matter as much to me now. I do think he wants to see me and he probably can't commit to a whole weekend while finishing up the MBA in October. But I am disappointed. I will text him back and probably say, I am fine but I miss his smile. I will offer to help him with the job hunt.

    At this point I do think we have something special but it's probably going to have to stay on hold until he graduates. It seems hard to progress just through texting. So I think I am going to give it time and try to stay positive but adjust my expectations.
     
    #15 Newby50s, Jul 16, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2014
  16. Newby50s

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    So, I didn't text him back but today he sent this:

    "...I know you are probably annoyed with me because of my delayed responses and not committing but I want you to know that I do want to be your friend and stay in touch with you"

    So, I texted back, "I know you are super busy finishing up with school and looking for a job. I am also busy and was just hoping that we could figure out a date when we could see each other again. You know how I like to plan trips"

    Is he telling me he just wants to be friends? If I am still interested in more what should I do? Just keep things friendly or ask if he is no longer interested in me romantically? He keeps throwing out words like I am amazing and he is lucky to know me, etc.
     
  17. PatrickUK

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    Texting is fine to a point, but sometimes you can't beat a real conversation to work things out. You need to have a proper chat to fully establish where things are heading between the two of you and you might need to be direct and ask him exactly how he feels.

    What do you want, long term? It's clear you have rediscovered your capacity to care for someone and love again and it would be a real shame to retreat from that, regardless of what happens between the two of you. I certainly see no problem with the two of you being and remaining "friends", but if now you want more (and why shouldn't you?) you need to seize the moment and go for it.

    You have more to gain, than you have to lose.
     
  18. Newby50s

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    Thanks Linco. I did text again and said that I know he is really stressed about finding a job and not having to go back to his country where he does have job offers but would be expected to marry a woman and have babies. I offered to help him find a job through my connections and told him I would help him in any way I could and that he could always count on me for as long as I am alive.

    I didn't get a response yet but I think he has classes today. Maybe that was a little overwhelming but it is the way I feel and I would help him in the future even if I am with someone else.

    What do I want? Well we are 1,500 miles apart and he is just starting out whereas I am nearly ready for early retirement or a new job - and I can do that in the next year or two. I am also helping to take care of my elderly mother. So, I don't see how we could have a real "relationship" in the next couple of years. It would have to be long distance unless one of us moves. BUT - I do want to be with him and I do have some fantasies about that. Maybe part of it is running away from my current responsibilities. I was hopeful that we could at least see each other once a month for a long weekend.

    I think you are right that we need to talk and not text - my sister says the same thing. It was only last week that he said we need to celebrate that we met five months ago and that he said he could go on a trip in the future.

    I guess I did the unexpected by not responding to his text on Tuesday. I did that on purpose even though I hate playing games. It seems that did not work in the way I had hoped.
     
    #18 Newby50s, Jul 17, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2014
  19. Newby50s

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    OK. So I called but got voicemail. I sounded upbeat and said, "you sounded a little down on your text so I called to say hello. I know you are busy so do what you have to do and don't worry about me, I am fine. We will see each other when we can. Send me your resume, I will try to help you find a job. Have a good weekend. Bye!"

    This was my first phone call to him as we have been texting. It's entirely my fault, because I didn't want to talk to him at first. It felt good to know he will hear my voice. I hope it works!
     
  20. Mystory

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    Hey, still reading here. Has he given any indication of wanting to take things further once he graduates? Otherwise, keep at it, sometimes people take a while to come around when you first profess your feelings for them. I told someone I loved them too soon as well, and one month later they came back to me and said it back. Who knows though? everything is possible, for better or for worse. The best thing you can do is ride it out and follow your gut if you think this is the right thing to do.