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What should I do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nathand, Jul 2, 2014.

  1. nathand

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    Guys, I need your advice. First, take a look on my current situation on this link: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/134958-please-help-me.html#post2017776

    And now, after you read first post, I need you to give me some advice. So, my boss gave me 4 days off and I plan to visit my boyfriend. We miss each other a lot, and I don't want to let my parents ruin my plans only because I am gay.
    So, last two month I worked a lot. During Sundays I get double money per hour (mon-sat $5/hour; sun $10) and I worked three sundays for 15 hours. The point is that I earned a good salary and I want to visit him. I solved everything, and now one last step - to tell my parents. I am scared because I don't know their reaction. My mother knows for me being gay, but dad doesn't. My planned speach was to tell them that I worked really hard past two months, earned some money and I was invited to visit this friend. I pay all the expenses (bus ticket, food for three days). I offer them to know where I am, who with, I will even give them the address and mobile phone number of my boyfriend just in case of an emergency. I think it is quite fair. What do you think, what will be their reaction? What should I do if they do not let me go? Any any advice, please:help:
     
  2. mangotree

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    Judging by your previous post - your parents won't react positively.
    What is the worst/best outcome if you told them the truth and then went anyway without their "permission"?
    What is the worst/best outcome if you didn't tell them (or lied) and then went anyway?
    What is the worst/best outcome if you do everything your parents order you to do?

    It sucks to have to choose between your parents happiness and your own, but it sounds like you already know what you want to do.

    I don't know what it's like in Croatia, but in most countries being 20 means you're an adult and you can do what you want and make your own choices and mistakes.

    Peace! (*hug*)
     
  3. Diego89

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    Well on your other post you said you've visited him before, right? And you said as well that your mom is not happy at all with you having a boyfriend, so I guess the trip itself shouldn't be a problem, specially since you are paying it all, but who are you gonna visit.

    Now I usually do not recommend lying, but considering your age and the fact that if it was a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend you were visiting, your parents will have no problem with it (according to your past trips) then you might wanna consider that option.

    It would still be a good idea to give your parents your boyfriend's real contact information, just say it's someone else's.
     
  4. nathand

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    I think they will tell me I can't go, but cobsidering the fact it is my money and I am 21, I am allowed to do what I want. So, no matter what they say, I'll go. I just wNt to avoid this scenario :frowning2: Why is life so hard and stupid :frowning2: My own parents make me hate them.
     
  5. Kabuki

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    I don't think is fair for them to restrict you from going when you are relying on your own money to pay the trip. I mean, if they gave you the money, they might want to know why you need the money. I'm sure everyone would like to avoid that kind of scenario, but it seems inevitable when your parents are like that. You don't have to lie, but you don't need to say the truth either. Your boyfriend is your friend, so you are not lying when you say you are going to a friends house to visit them.

    I hope everything works out! I'm sure you must miss him lots and you wish to spent time together.
     
  6. bingostring

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    Hey again Nathand !

    I wondered: would it make any difference if the money you saved was spent on your BF getting a ticket to visit you, and stayed with you so your mother could get to know him?? Is that a crazy idea?

    What does your sister think now - she is on your side??

    I think this is near the time you must start taking responsibility for your own life now you are 21.

    I hope you get a good result and it all works out well.

    :thumbsup:

    ps: I am gong to Croatia again on Friday !! Yippee
     
  7. nathand

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    Hey,
    well I know they will not react positively, but I do not want them to be neither happy or angry or any of that. I really do not care, I just want them to tell me it is your life and do whatever you want to do. Because, this is something they can't change. I am an adult and they can't control my life. If they think they will do any good by not letting me go, I could say I am working late, but in real be somewhere with some guy. I mean, of course it will not happen, but it is possible. They can't change it, they can only ruin my relationship with my boyfriend and with themselves.
    Well, I think if I lied, it would be obvious. And I do not want to lie to them, this is why I came out, so I could be honest with them. And they do not appreciate my honesty at all, they use it in order to change me, which is impossible. Once, they will realize, but then it will be late for me and my boyfriend and this I would not forgive them ever.

    Yes, but my parents always say that until we live under the same roof, I need to follow their rules. This is what I hate the most. Because, if parents created you, it is their obligation to assure a place to live, food and education. But it doesn't mean that my whole life I need to live as they want me to. They always say I do not respect them. But, I finished all my exams, with great GPA, on time. I work as a mule each day, 15 hours without having the opportunity to have a seat. I used to go ti the gym, but I do not spend money on that anymore. I do not go out, I do not smoke or drink alcohol. Basically, what I do is I sleep, surf and work. And, now when I want something, they will not let it be, because of no reason. And that is why I think if it is a good idea to go even if they do not agree.
    When I mention my boyfriend, you can see a disgust on my mothers face. She hates him because he made me gay, according to her. So, she would not even let me bring him to our place. So, I should pay for the ticket and an apartment. :bang:

    Well, her main sentence is: "I do not know what to say" so she is not so helpful.
    Yes, it is, but I am just scared what will happen if they say I am not allowed to go, and I do not follow their decision.

    Really? Where do you go in Croatia? Hvar? Dubrovnik? Or something else.

    P.S Huge thanks to everyone!!!(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  8. Kabuki

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    From your reply, it seems you are the perfect son but they still don't appreciate the effort you are doing to please them, and yourself... if you are. My mom actually says the same thing, and it is fair enough, I mean we live on their house and they support us to have a good life. But, different from your mom, mine says that we are adults and that it is our choice to make what we do with our life, just as long as we respect the house's rules.

    What I'm saying is that from what it seems you are being respectful of the rules they have in the house, but those rules shouldn't apply on what you do outside of your house. They definitely need to loosen up the grip they have on you or it's going to get worse, since you'll feel the need to do things you don't want to do to be able to do the things you want, it might cause some clashing with their own ideals. It's very hard, but you really need to have a talk with them, and they need to listen until the end.

    I hope you get the chance to see your boyfriend (*hug*)
     
  9. mangotree

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    I wonder if your mother realises how good she's got it?
    A lot of gay blokes go out and sleep with different guys every weekend (or sometimes every night).
    She's got a son that wants to be in a mongomous relationship with someone he loves, it's a bit nuts how she can find that disgusting.
     
  10. nathand

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    Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. This just made me even more sure that there is nothing they can do when it comes to my trip. I really follow all in house rules, but they can't control what I do outside because it is my life, not theirs.

    Well, I will tell this to her for sure. Because it is true. And for her it is nuts because why would I be gay when all other "normal" people are straight. Ugh!!!