Hi everyone, I'm having trouble with dealing with my girlfriend's past of having been in relationships with and had sex with men. I don't shame her for it because that's obviously horrendous to judge her for that, but I am truly disgusted by the thought of it. I've never dated men or slept with them, so I think it's coming from different backgrounds that I'm having trouble with. I feel incredibly insecure over the fact that these men have penetrated her, which I cannot do. She's performed sex acts she "didn't enjoy" for them, and claims she's 100% a lesbian and only enjoys having sex with women. She says our sex is the most intimate she's had and the best, and I believe that it's the best but I cannot help but feel her hetero sex days were more intimate because she claims she had emotional connections with them, just not physical. (I've never had emotional connections with men, and I've also never had an emotional connection and sex with someone that there was no physical connection) I don't know what to do to get past this. It's disgustingly obsessive - I think about it too often and get so upset by it. I'm certainly jealous of the men being able to do things I can't, even if she didn't enjoy it (as messed up as that sounds). I realize completely she's done nothing wrong and this is entirely my insecurity and my problem. I feel so consumed by this I don't know how to get past it. Does anyone have any ideas of why I feel this way (other than jealousy of the men, and the fact that I have never been with a man so I don't get it)?
This is EXTREMELY common in lesbians. A lot of lesbians feel insecure when a woman has been with men, and especially if they have penetrative sex because we're taught "Oh only PIV is real sex" "Only PIV takes virginity" "Women can only have satisfying sex with a man" "Serious sex is about sex with men, women sleeping with women are just 'fooling around'" You might want to talk to her about how you feeling insecure about men, just don't do it in a way that shames her for her past.
I have this insecurity too I think it would bother me a bit but I would talk to my girlfriend about how I felt . sometimes she could comfort you but it's a hard thing . I've even been rejected by another lesbian because in the past I did something sexual with a guy when she too done way more than I did with men , I kinda feel bad for telling her about that but I just wanted to be honest with my past and leave it behind but I was a little honest too soon, plus I was drunk so that didn't help :dry: .
