So, I decided to post this issue in it's own separate thread, because it doesn't really fit with my other issue. I have a classmate on who I have this huuuuge crush on. How huge? Let's say that whenever we make physical contact, even if accidental, I completely zone out and my knees go weak. Whenever I see him smile, my heart melts. Anyway, so, my problem is he's straight, too straight, as in he's got a girlfriend on who he cheated with another girl. He acts really gay around me, which drives me crazy, probably the only reason why I can't move on. So, what's the problem in that? you ask. Well, I can't continue like this. I'm having trouble concentrating at home or when taking biology classes, classes which I MUST pay attention at because I plan to become a surgeon. I have to get rid of my crush somehow. How? That's what I'm asking you to tell. Any help is greatly appreciated! P.S. If someone has magical powers that can make the crush go away, I'll give them a warm hug and a massage. Lots of love, Andy
Hello AndyAndreiH First of all I'm not a wizard and i doubt anyone is >.< Anyway I want to know how you react after he acts "gay" around you.. Do you laugh it off or act the same way towards him? I personally think getting nervous when someone acts gay around you makes you even more uncomfortable. Returning a similar interaction would make you feel relaxed. Although I don't know whether it would make your crush on him go away...
I'm sorry you're struggling with this Getting over someone is hard. Are you two friends? Or just acquaintances? It's a lot easier to get over somebody who you aren't friends with. You just need to distract yourself. Spend time with your other friends, take up a hobby, go see movies etc. Try and keep a lot of distance from this classmate. Try to avoid looking at him or talking to him much. I hope this helps. Let me know if you still have any troubles at all Good luck! (*hug*)
Thank you for the great tips! We're friends, let's put it that way. We don't talk much about personal stuff (reason why I didn't jump on him already), but he did share some personal info about his family with me. How I react when he acts gay around me? Usually I try ignoring it and acting like it's normal for someone to do that. If he persists doing gay stuff, then yes, sometimes I do reply with the same actions and he doesn't seem to mind. EDIT: My bestie told me I should just tell him and give it a shot. If he reacts badly, at least I know. And yes, she's right, I mean, there's nothing more I can loose by telling him. But a rejection from him would devastate me. My feelings for him became so deep I'm overprotective and what-not, exactly how a boyfriend would react and that's something I have to stop. The thing is, I'm not exactly ready to come out to everyone (things would be so much easier...), but if it comes down to, let's say, someone who finds out telling everyone, I don't really care. I'm not the type of person who gives too many fucks about one's opinions if they're not my friends or sth similar. L.o.l. Andy
Hmpf, re-reading this made me realize I omitted a few things. First of all, I can't really avoid him since we're classmates, we have way too much interaction. Second, how it all started was I added him on FaceBook. On there, I saw the "Interested in: Males" thing, so I confronted him about it, but he said it's just a mistake and probably his cousin did it to make fun of him.
What is it about your crush that you find so attractive Andy? Is it his looks, his personality, his values... can you identify what it is you really like about him? Very often, we develop crushes on people we hardly know, so our feelings and emotions towards that person are formed largely on the basis of looks/appearance. If we don't know the person more intimately we are making a lot of assumptions about their character and integrity and we end up projecting onto that person an idealised set of attributes that may be entirely false. That's a really important thing to understand about crushes. It demonstrates how our feelings start to run away from us and we lose focus on what is real. I don't know about you, but I need to feel more than a physical connection to a person - I need to know that a person has good values and a positive attitude to life and I can't find that out on the basis of a crush. The one thing you do know is that he cheated on a girlfriend and apparently allowed his Facebook profile to suggest something that is not true. Does any of that make him sound like an attractive person with good values and a positive attitude? Would you really want to be involved with someone who cheats and lacks the maturity to retain control of his own Facebook page? Even if he is smoking hot and gorgeous to look at, he has some serious character flaws that are far from attractive, don't you think? If he knows you are gay, it could be that he is 'acting up' around you, for whatever reason, but it doesn't mean he is gay himself. Personally, I wouldn't take a huge leap and say how you really feel, especially if rejection would devastate you.
Thank you, Linco. I have never seen it this way and you just opened my eyes. I can certainly say that what really attracts me is his looks. He's the most beautiful person I've ever met, so it's hard not to stare. You are very correct regarding his personality flaws, only somehow it seemed like I overlooked them and just thought it's normal, and it is not. I don't think he knows I'm gay, but I'm positive rumor circulates around the class, if not the entire HS. I'm a very masculine person, but it's very obvious I'm not into girls. I can not thank you enough for opening my eyes and this will certainly change my opinion about him in the future. What I might try to do is get to know him better, or not. I'll see. For now, my problems is pretty much solved by this lovely gent, and I'll post a reply here with an update, when there is one. Thank you everyone for all the tips and advises you gave me and especially Linco for opening my eyes. Thank you. I love you all and I hope you have a great day, or night for those in different timezones. A warm hug from me (*hug*) (&&&) Lots of love, Andy
What Linco said makes perfect sense. Personally it's great advice for me as well because even I have considered the physical appearances rather than moral qualities. Our senses are more vulnerable when it comes to looks and likes but the harsh reality is a person can only be measured from his actions and qualities. I'm glad we both heard this from Linco... Thanks a bunch
To change classes you can't, it's not an option. You have like 2 years, i think until u finish. You really need to find a hobby, study for biology (because you really need it). Or find someone else, another crush. You should stop focus on him. If he knows ur gay he might act gay to make fun of you. For example with FB, maybe it's true with cousin, but to not know about that? That's weird. Even if you don't care if people will find out, sometimes u will feel angry and why not, sad.
