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How often do you say 'I love you'?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Derpette, Jul 3, 2014.

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  1. Derpette

    Derpette
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    Hi guys, I've been wondering if it is normal not to say I love you to your significant other.

    I've been in a great relationship for almost two years and I said it only once and it was in a really tense situation, and even then it was hard for me. She said it overall twice. We used to text it to each other from time to time and it felt good and natural, but even that almost stopped now.

    I would love her to say it to me more often, but I totally understand that she doesn't want to, because she doesn't get anything in return. She has some issues with this too, but I'm sure that if I was capable of saying it, she wouldn't be having such problems.

    I know I might be overthinking all this and that it's normal that someone just doesn't say it. It would be absolutely fine, if we two were comfortable with it, but we're not. I would be really happy to say it to her and to hear it back and the other way around, but something is in the way and I can't figure out what it is.

    Do you have any advice or comments on this, please?
    Thank you
     
    #1 Derpette, Jul 3, 2014
  2. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I'm not in that sort of relationship, and I understand they're totally different, but I feel the same way with my parents.

    Deep inside, I know I love them and I'd love to say it, but I can't. It embarrasses the HELL out of me, and the last time I said it, it was all chokey and it sounded fake and weak. So I don't do it anymore.

    I honestly think it just depends on the person. Some are more verbal than others. I don't express my love verbally - I express it through actions, like hugging and helping out (in the case of my parents, I mean). Perhaps you are the same way.

    It's totally alright.
     
    #2 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  3. Derpette

    Derpette
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    Thank you..

    I've noticed that sometimes when I'm with her and it occurs to me that she could say it to me right then and there, I get kind of scared. I don't know what I'm afraid of, maybe that it would sound weird and fake in the end, I don't understand myself in this.. I can't imagine anything better than the moment of intimacy when we both say it, but somehow it just can't come out of my mouth.
     
    #3 Derpette, Jul 3, 2014
  4. Peacemaker

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    you sound like you are afraid of people loving you, just a thought
     
    #4 Peacemaker, Jul 3, 2014
  5. Nychthemeron

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    I know what you mean, I think.

    This might sound corny as heck, but I think, after that long, you two can start to understand each other even without words. If you say that you love her and you really mean it, then it won't sound fake, because she will know that you mean it.

    If that makes sense.
     
    #5 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  6. Really

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    I think it has to feel right, in the moment. Maybe you could fit in some "You're lovely"s to get more comfortable with that syllable. :wink:
     
    #6 Really, Jul 3, 2014
  7. Derpette

    Derpette
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    I guess you're right..we've talked about it and agreed that too much talking (we generally tend to talk about everything maybe a little too much) makes it worse, so we decided to let it go and see what happens.. there are times when we don't need any words to know what we're thinking about, but this is different.. we know that we love each other and saying it is like the peak, the top of the whole thing if you understand what I mean..

    I've been really close to saying it so many times and everytime I backed off, usually when I started thinking about how it would sound, whether it was right at that moment and so on..
     
    #7 Derpette, Jul 3, 2014
  8. Nychthemeron

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    Yeah, I know what you mean. In that situation, you'll just have to go ahead and to it. Don't worry about it sounding fake. Just do it.

    Really gave a good suggestion. Me, I still feel really awkward saying the word "lovely," but it's better than "I love you," so perhaps that will work.
     
    #8 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  9. Derpette

    Derpette
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    It is certainly a good suggestion, but english is not my native language and using my language it wouldn't work this way.. like you said, the best solution might be not thinking at all and just saying it.. it just takes so much courage to say it, i don't want these words to become plain, I want them to express all the things I feel for her in a simple way, just like that.. and I don't want to ruin this so bad
     
    #9 Derpette, Jul 3, 2014
  10. Nychthemeron

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    Ah, I see.

    You won't ruin it. You've been together for two years, you said yourself. Especially since you said your partner and you agreed that too much talking makes it worse. Saying "I love you" awkwardly or not saying it at all will not make anything worse.

    Have you tried talking it over with her? Telling her the same things you're telling us now?
     
    #10 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  11. Derpette

    Derpette
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    I did, she understands and we both know that we can't force this to happen..

    thank you for talking with me about this, it helped me not only to sort out my thoughts.. I think I'll just let it go for a while and when the right time comes I'll try to relax, not to think about it and I'll see
     
    #11 Derpette, Jul 3, 2014
  12. Nychthemeron

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    No problem at all. I hope everything gets sorted out soon!
     
    #12 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  13. tulipinacup

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    It sounds like you two are just waiting for each other to say those 3 words and you guys end up being hesitant about it. If you feel like you want to say it to her, don't over think about it, tell her you love her and I'm sure she will say she loves you back. It may be true that action speaks louder than words but sometimes words are more assuring because it is direct and straight forward.
     
    #13 tulipinacup, Jul 3, 2014
  14. Hyaline

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    You might try leaving her a note saying that you love her....rather than saying it, there is something magic about having it in writing that makes people take it more serious.. If you fall out of the habit and its important, I say, just say it..

    After 7 years we don't always say it... but we aren't afraid to say it... Just that not every moment requires a reminder that you love the other.. :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Hyaline, Jul 3, 2014
  15. OGS

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    I find it so interesting on this forum finding out all the things you take for granted that I guess just aren't.

    My partner and I say it pretty much every time we leave each other's presence, including hanging up the phone. 16 years and it still makes my heart flutter a bit...
     
    #15 OGS, Jul 3, 2014
  16. Derpette

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    tulipinacup: Exactly, especially when we both already know we love each other, it's been proven through actions many times and saying it on top of everything else means the assurance that it's really true, at least for me.

    Hyaline: Leaving her a note or a text works, I've done that several times and it's far easier than just saying it. I guess that for us it's the other way around, that what we say is sometimes more important than what we write.

    OGS: That's really nice to hear :slight_smile: I think we'll never be that kind of couple, saying it so often, but everyone's different and I admire that such a long term relationship could still work like it's a new one, at least in this sense.
     
    #16 Derpette, Jul 4, 2014
  17. Rosepetal

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    Everyday 2 my boyfriend :slight_smile:
     
    #17 Rosepetal, Jul 4, 2014
  18. migval

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    I say it everyday several times a day to my bf. In the morning before we go to work, on the phone each time we say goodbye and at night before we go to sleep and I really mean it each and every time.
     
    #18 migval, Jul 6, 2014
  19. PatrickUK

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    I say it everyday and I mean it when I say it, but even then, I don't think I tell him often enough.
     
    #19 PatrickUK, Jul 7, 2014
  20. Greeley

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    With my partner, we say it every night before we go to bed. Its not a tough word for us but it is still a MEANINGFUL word and powerful. We just love each other a lot and we just like to remind each other.
     
    #20 Greeley, Jul 7, 2014
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