First I would like to say thank you to everyone who participates on this site. I haven't been on here in a while, but it is through some of the advice I've received on here that I've been able to find strength to leave home, move to another city, maintain a healthy relationship and come out to so many friends and family members, during the last three years. Thank you. In October, I made the decision to finally come out to my conservation born-again Christian parents. Most of my family members share this faith/values. I decided to send a registered letter to my parents. I knew it was the safest way, especially since my dad has a violent temper and can be very unpredictable, between having an alcohol addition and being an undiagnosed bipolar with a lot of other mental health issues. He can be very irrational and unstable. He is extremely homophobic and he has always suspected I am gay, but is in deep denial. Recently, he said that he believes there should be another Hitler to kill all of the gays. My mom received the letter first and cried her eyes out for days. She is still having a hard time accepting it. She said she wishes she could, but because of her strong faith, she doesn't know if she can ever reconcile it with my being gay. She doesn't understand. More importantly, she decided to hide my coming out letter from my dad and doesn't want him to ever see it or know that I am gay. She said she has had to deal with his issues for over 30 years and knows that if he found out about me, it would just magnify all of his issues and destroy both of their lives and our family. She and I both know that he would likely drink himself to death or try to take his own life. I know this sounds insane. Our family has basically been walking a fine line for many years. My mom makes every effort to try and keep our family together and maintain that perfect family image, even though we all know very well that my dad has serious issues that need to be addressed. She is in so much denial and it's beyond me why she has chosen to stay with him in a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage all of these years. She and I have had a few emotional phone discussions since then. During the first discussion, she told me that she's had enough of dealing with my dad's issues all of these years and I owe it to her to help her maintain some peace in her life. She said that the consequence of me being gay is that I can never tell my dad or the rest of our family. She said I'm going to have to live with that. My partner and I have been together for almost two years now and we are very happy and in love. There are days where I get very depressed and upset because I think about the possibility of getting married and having a family and having to keep it secret from my parents and the rest of my family. I know at some point I will either need to permanently break the ties with my family or come out to my dad, against my mom's wishes, which would just break the ties anyway. It's so hard because I feel like my mom is holding my love for her hostage. I want to protect her and let her have some peace, but I also know it's not realistic and she has bigger fish to fry. She's putting me in the middle of all of it. At the end of the day, I am hoping someone will give me some easy advice. But I already know what I need to do and there's just no easy way about it. I am hoping that maybe some of you have experience in coming out to a parent with addiction issues and/or mental health issues. In that case, do you bother coming out to them at all, fearing that it will only make everyone's lives worse?
