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Would you rather get rejected or keep the feelings to yourself?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JayR, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. JayR

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    I know, it's a bad idea to confess to someone whom you're sure you have no chance with. I've accepted that, but shouldn't he at least know my feelings and reject it properly?More of like a complete closure. I'm tired of hiding it. But I feel like it's a suicide thing to do so. By the way, i'm talking about my best friend whom i fell in love with. I've been trying to move on for a long time now and it worked, but the feeling of regret is still there. I want him to reject me, so that i can completely move on. Our friendship is dying(or maybe dead) anyway, there is no friendship "spark". We aren't compatible as persons and we have no common grounds. For years, we've been trying to keep it together, but i guess we got to the point where it just can't be. It's an unsaid thing but i think we both are aware of it. Much worse is that i fell in love to him in the process.

    Right now, we're just casual friends, nothing really changed. Since the beginning we're just forcing to keep things that can't be. The difference know is that we both stopped trying. (sorry if i'm saying the same things, im just trying to make a point)

    I know it doesn't matter anymore but i really wanna tell him i had feelings for him. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? Should i tell him?
     
  2. Damien

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    'Had', or 'still have'?

    Also, do you still trust him enough, to be confidential about anything you say to him in this regard? What has he said about gay folks in the past? Just saying, make sure there are no unintended consequences that arise from telling him, I mean consequences for you personally.

    Then again, I have always tended to play it too safe when it comes to this sort of thing...maybe you are right to want to take the risk and just say how you feel...so I'm not really sure either, but still I think my point about potential consequences is valid, what do you think?
     
    #2 Damien, Jul 5, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2014
  3. RedDev84

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    Hi Jay

    It's difficult to give you an absolute straight answer opinion on this, as it varies on every situation.
    But, as a very general rule though and depending how strong the friendship is, I generally keep my feelings to myself if the other person is straight, but consider the situation more if you know they are gay or bi.

    I think you could consider a few things though. Firstly, is your best friend gay, bi or straight? I see you are out to a few best friends too, is he one of these?

    If he doesn't know your gay and your friendship is somewhat distancing a little, just be aware that anything you say MAY possibly get around to other people you didn't expect to know. Hopefully your friend won't tell anyone if you request that, but, it has happened before to others I'm sure. You may know better yourself the likelihood of that happening.

    If he's gay or bi, there maybe a chance it brings you closer together. If you're not out to him, coming out to him to begin with my strengthen your relationship with him if he appreciates your honesty and trust in him to tell this.
    Whether you tell him your feelings for him, I really think depends.
     
  4. PrettyConfused

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    I think it'll be good for you to just tell your friend so that you won't have any regrets in the future. Also, since you're just "casual" friends at the moment, even though your friend does overreact, the potential consequence won't be as dire. Furthermore, you'd be able to move on too. It'll definitely be easier to move on once you accept that there's no chance with your crush.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I think the question you really need to ask yourself is... how will you feel if you tell him and he does reject you? I know you say the friendship is dying and it will help you to move on, but will it really? It seems you have invested a lot of your emotional energy and love in this guy and I worry that you will be very hurt if he rejects you. What do you think? If it happens like that how will you cope?

    Just a few things to consider before you think about telling all.
     
  6. Emmanuella

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    If you no longer have feelings for him, then I would say don't bother. UNLESS you think your feelings were partially responsible for the gap between the two of you. Then you may want to explain that and let him no you are over it, and hope to rebuild the friendship. Even then...it might not be necessary to tell him.

    If you STILL have feelings:

    a) is he into guys? If so, give it a shot, tell him. You said the friendship is dying out anyway,so you really have nothing to lose. He either reciprocates or he doesn't. Yes, it would sting if he doesn't, but you already seem to be prepared for that.

    b) if you are absolutely certain he has no interest in men, then I wouldn't bother...especially if you aren't interested in maintaining the friendship anyway.

    Just my opinions...
     
  7. JayR

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    Hi guys, thanks for the answers. Just for additional information, i came out to him before, and i told him I like guys. His reactions are somewhat neutral, he's not mad about it. I think he's okay with it. That's why we're still casual friends.

    As for you guys asking if i have still have feelings for him, i'd say 95/5. 95 is for: i moved on, i don't feel anything towards him, i can live without him. I'm not thinking about him like i used to. I can go on without contacting him even for months. I barely miss him. 5% is for the feelings of nostalgia, whenever i remember the feelings i had for him, i think some of the actual feels are going back. (you get me?) I still find him cute, i can't deny that. Sometimes i find myself daydreaming of what it had been like if i dated him, of course i stop those thoughts, every single time.