He and his twin brother have been my best friends since kindergarten. We're 18 now and we've been pretty distant since January, but that was my fault. His brother had recently started dating this girl (with whom I've since become pretty close friends) and both were claiming to be in love with her. Well, that was causing a lot of issues between them and I was his support system. During this time we were closer than we had ever been before. I had gone from being like a second brother to him to being "the most important person" in his life. He had even told me that he needed me in his life and that there was nobody he would rather be with every day, even that I was closer to him than his brother (they had issues even outside of the problems revolving around the girl). Their dad had been battling cancer since we were little and I had always been there to help them through it but they had really different approaches to their dad and how they handled him being sick and they often clashed over that which meant I was frequently a mediator. He had helped me through some pretty major stuff too, like when I lost all four grandparents and my uncle all in less than a year which was made worse by the fact that I was raised by my grandparents because my mom and dad were highly career-oriented individuals and never were home at the same time. And two years ago, I was at the gas station and witnessed a family of three git hit at the bus stop and the three year old girl was pinned under a car and I helped lift the car off of her. She didn't survive. He helped me through issues I had after seeing that happen. Around Christmas time I was spending most nights over there with him even though I typically don't spend the night. I'll usually spend all day there and then be ready to head home and have some time to myself, but I was really thrilled that we were spending so much time together. His dad was progressively getting worse and said he was happy I was around so much (their dad and I got along really well, we had the same sense of humor). Well, around 3 in the morning his mom came in while we were playing video games and broke down so we talked to her. When she fell asleep my friend told me he loved me and that he doesn't know what he'd do without me around. He still said he was in love with his brother's girlfriend and all three of them would vent to me about each other and tell me different things and I hated seeing them like that. His brother's girlfriend told me that my best friend told her he would stop talking to me if she asked him to and that he was saying similar stuff to her that he was saying to me; that really set me off. I confronted him on it and he said he was really confused and doesn't know what he wants and that he was having a hard time with everything. I honesty should have known better because this girl had told him and his brother to stop talking to me the year before and they did for a couple days but then they told her no, they weren't going to do it and she was pissed but she got over it. Still, I was so pissed off, and I asked him what he'd do if she said we couldn't talk anymore again. His response was that he wouldn't let that happen but if there was absolutely no other recourse that he's in love with her and he's sorry but he might choose her. I was devastated, and I didn't say anything about it but he could tell. A few days after that he told me how much he loves me and that I "matter just as much or maybe more" than she does. He even said "you have no idea how much I love you. You have to see that, we've been so close for so long" but all I was really upset. I asked him how I could possibly matter to him as much as her if he would forfeit our friendship for hers. He said he didn't know and that he's so confused and doesn't know what to think about anything anymore. He kept apologizing over the next week or so while I would just hang out with his brother (who I'm still really close with) and blew up at him every couple days or so. After about 8 days I apologized for being such a bad friend and reacting so horribly and that I love him too and I don't care about all the other stuff. He said he was really hurt and needed some time to figure out what he felt. I promised to give him time but it killed me to be so distant from him and I broke that promise so many times throughout that month (January). Well, since then he and I barely spoke at all, it was pretty much just he'd talk to me when we all would hang out because I'm still close with his brother and we talk a lot. I still celebrated their birthday with them but they all forgot mine which made me upset because I don't understand how he could have forgotten when he's put it as his password to things before. Anyway, almost three weeks ago their dad passed away and I've been supportive and tried to show them how much I care and I told my best friend he's still the same to me and I still love him so much. He thanked me and we're talking a little more again but things just aren't the same. I've loved him since we were little but it only occurred to me that I might be in love with him about two years ago. I'm just afraid of things going badly and I know he needs time before I tell him. The thought of losing him again or things never getting better is pretty scary to me. I'm pretty misanthropic and distant (only told either of them I love them once or twice in all our years of being friends and NEVER hug even though they're super touchy with me and the girl but nobody else). Sorry for the verbosity and the lack of syntactical diversity. I'm normally much more coherent and well-spoken, it was just so much to get out. ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2014 at 05:08 PM ---------- Holy crap that doesn't read well at all. Additionally, I forgot to mention the fact that my family is staunchly conservative for the most part (some of my cousins and my brother are really open and liberal). My dad's side is French and my mom's side is Irish so most of my family is Catholic. My brother is 38 (a full 18 years older than me) and he's openly gay. I don't know yet but I think I might be bisexual because I'm in love with my best friend but I, even now, like this one girl I've liked for a couple years and I used to do her AP European History homework for her I told my brother and my English teacher (who was my maternal grandmother's best friend) that I have feelings for my best friend. Also, he and I have briefly talked about our relationship once before we stopped talking and that was when he said he was confused and didn't know what he felt. We agreed that we're more than friends but we weren't sure beyond that and even more than that we shouldn't try to figure it out right now. Sorry I missed that.
