First she touches me lightly on my arm. Then me pulled my arm away from her because I was caught off guard. Later, she tested me by showing me part of her upper thigh a couple of times which she had never done. I tried not to look. By now, I'm having a crush on her. Then, out of the blue, she asked if I want to go on an overseas trip with her. I said ok. All these happened in a span of about a year. By the way, she's a co-worker. Later on, I decided to give her more attention. She flirted. But I still kept my hands to myself. After a couple of months, I decided to flirt back by some touches because she had been surreptitiously pressing her arm on mine from behind. But I probably brushed against her a bit too rough for her. Then she had a major migraine attack. Then headaches for a couple of days following the migraine. She would come to my work table and have conversations while she had headaches that couple of days. One day she asked me to buy her a meal. But I thought she was only joking. I said jokingly to wait for me to buy her a meal that night during our sleep. She replied that she asked me to buy her a meal and that I told her have it with me in our sleep. I think she was a bit disappointed with my answer. So, I tried making amends but was unsuccessful. I don't know how to ask her out for a meal. I have been trying different questions but all indirect questions. Like "are you free during lunch?" She would answer she would be busy or something like that. Then, one day she doesn't want to look at me nor talk to me. I decided to go with her wishes. I, too, didn't look at her nor talk to her. After about 10 days, she started to act normal again. My other co-worker said probably that girl was too busy with her work during those days. I guess so. But now she is different. She doesn't flirt anymore. She's acting more like a co-worker. Did she change her mind? If she has changed her mind, why? Was it because of what I didn't do? Maybe I should be more diect in asking her out instead of beating around the bush? Or was it because she has got her answers? Whether I'm attracted to her? Whether I'm a lesbian? Whether she's a lesbian? I'm now feeling very very sad. Almost like a depression. Whenever I think she may have second thoughts about starting a relationship, I feel heartbroken. At first I was angry because I feel like I had been used by her while she searches for answers. Now i feel emptiness. It's hard trying to move on. Anyone else ever feel like being used by another party? Does anyone thinks she has changed her mind?
Sounds like a situation with a lot of unknowns and subtle hints. I bet you will get a variety of opinions on this. As someone who also fell in love with a co-worker, it is an area that a lot of people advise to avoid - I was planning to avoid it but it ultimately didn't work out that way...and so far things are okay because my partner and I keep our cool at work and no one knows we are together. I'm the kind of person who would always rather risk rejection and be honest about my feelings, as opposed to living with the regret of never knowing how someone else feels too. While that strategy is often painful, ultimately it has served me well and led me to my current relationship. Sounds like she has been giving you some hints that she may be interested. It sounds like the two of you have not really communicated about any potential mutual interest, so it's hard to tell if something happened to cause her change in behavior. Maybe she thinks you lost interest in her? You'll never know unless you talk about it. Are the two of you friends outside of work? How well do you know each other? If you know her well enough and are really interested in her, it may be worth a shot to let her know how you feel. However I suggest you consider how it may affect your job and her job...depending on possible outcomes of the conversation and/or a potential relationship. If either of you is in a managerial or supervisory role at work over the other, that's a big no-no for most workplaces. So probably in your best interest to consider potential consequences...including the potential of her telling others at work about your interest in women - not to say she would do that, but if other co-workers found out, and since your sidebar states you are not "out" at all, so that could be very uncomfortable for you. Feel free to PM me if you think I can be of further help regarding interest/relationships with a co-worker. Best of luck to you!
Thanks, irishluck, for your advice and another point of view of the situation. Please accept my apologies for this late reply. We are not friends outside of work due to several factors. She said a couple of times that co-workers can never be friends as there are bound to have competitions and the like among co-workers. Fortunately, neither of us is in a managerial or supervisory role at work over the other. We work quite independently of each other although at times we need each other's help with our own work. There were several times I sent playful messages to her but she never replies. However, she would reply when I ask or tell her something ordinary or serious matters. She did tell me at the beginning of our work relationship that she prefers phoning to messaging as phoning is faster in getting answers. Looking at some of the factors, she seems to prefer to keep the relationship at work level and nothing more. But then, why did she surreptitiously pressed her arm against mine from behind several times? There was one time where I accidentally hit her hand with mine while walking ahead of her. I turned around to see who and what I hit and quickly turned back towards the front because there was another co-worker walking in front of me. Suddenly, she hit me from behind by banging her left shoulder against the back of my right shoulder so hard that I nearly toppled over. When I passed by her table, she had on several occasions looked up from her work and smiled at me. But not anymore. There were other things she did that I find it rather strange. One of them is looking deeply into my eyes in close proximity without saying anything and no facial expression. But all these have stopped. I have been thinking. Maybe it is I who caused her to change her mind. Right before she stopped her strange behaviours, I did something stupid. What happened was that I showed her a photo of her and her client standing at a desk. Even though the client was tall, she was still taller than him. And I believe I was quite enthusiastic about her and him when I showed her the photo. Maybe she took it as me thinking she's straight and I was not interested in her? Of late, she hasn't shown any interest towards me. Maybe I was the one who caused everything to cease. (Or maybe she realised that she is not into girls.) What should I do now? Should I just move on? I still have no clue as to whether she likes girls or not. I know these questions are not easy to answer but I would very much appreciate any answers or opinions or different perspectives. And also maybe what she may be thinking. Thanks in advance.
