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I just feel like this makes me a failure ;-;

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ResidentTheatreKid, Jul 6, 2014.

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  1. ResidentTheatreKid

    ResidentTheatreKid
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Brighton, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Today has been one of those days where I've just wanted to come out to my parents just to stop them from being horrible, and every conversation having something to do with 'The sort of guy i need to look for' and 'The sort of guy that i should marry' because although I know they don't mean to be nasty (to me anyway...) it just makes me feel like I'm living a lie.

    We went to longleat (a safari type zoo in England) today for my little brothers 3rd birthday, and in the car we somehow ended up on the conversation of me getting married when I'm older, and the sort of person i should look to marry and stuff like that. And i just didn't say anything, because although it seems like rather innocent conversation, it felt like they knew that i am a lesbian and they were trying to get it out of me, which probably is because I'm really paranoid that they'll find out.

    So why don't i just come out to them, you ask? Well, because they're homophobic arseholes. Another incident today at Longleat: We were going through the enclosure barrier to another area, which is guarded by a man-operated metal gate to stop animals escaping. There was a girl on the gate, with her hair cut really quite short. The conversation pretty much went:
    Mum: Is that a girl or a boy?
    Step-dad: Uhhh... a girl, i think.
    Mum: Bet she's a lesbian.
    Step-dad: Ha ha! LESBIAN!!!
    And i nearly killed them (Partly because I'm a lesbian and that was really hurtful, and partly because the girl was really pretty. just saying XD)

    And I'm worried if it means I'll be regarded as a failure to them. My oldest younger brother has Austism and lots of learning difficulties, my middle younger brother has ADHD and my baby brother is also ADHD. I'm meant to be the only child that is normal, or that they can be proud of (occasionally). Im worried that if i come out to them i will be another failure child, and that they might try to change me. And part of me wishes that i wasn't a lesbian, so i didn't have to keep lying and being paranoid. (And the other part of me is like 'Fuck you, i want a girlfriend') And i don't know if this just sounds really goddamn stupid or pointless, but i cant quite get my feelings down here.

    I really hate myself at the moment. Why the fuck can't I be normal?! ;-;
     
    #1 ResidentTheatreKid, Jul 6, 2014
  2. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
    Full Member

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    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know what you mean. Before I came out, my mom was always talking about how she wanted me to (and expected me to) have a husband when I was older and all that annoying stuff. I felt like she would feel let down if I told her, like I was a failure.

    And yeah, your parents are probably gonna be upset when they find out. Things might be hard for a while. But it'll probably feel better than being in the closet, and your parents'll most likely adjust eventually. Things will get better. (*hug*)

    Besides, your sexuality isn't something you have control of. So you shouldn't feel guilty. It's simply who you are, and it's not your problem; it's everyone else's. They're just gonna have to deal with it...
     
    #2 YuriBunny, Jul 6, 2014
  3. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    First of all, you're normal. Whatever the hell that means.
    Second of all, homosexuality isn't a disorder. It can't be compared to ADHD or autism.
    Third of all, your parents can go fuck themselves.

    (sorry for my harsh language, I just feel it was called for)

    You can't change yourself. You didn't choose to be born lesbian. And there's nothing wrong with it, either. They should know that, and if they don't, it's their loss.

    You're their daughter. You'll always be. Just because you're lesbian doesn't mean you're not their child anymore. To quote another thread, "If your kid comes out as gay, that's the kid you got. You didn't lose any children."

    If they view you as a failure, then I have to say that they're a failure at being good parents.

    FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOUR DAUGHTER LIKES OTHER GIRLS. GET OVER IT.

    It does not mean that she:

    • will get AIDS
    • will be overly masculine
    • that she wants to be a man
    • was raised wrong
    • chose to be that way
    • will go to hell
    • is hated by god
    • is a faliure
    • will never be happy

    because she will be happy if you treat her well.

    Many parents treat their gay kid like they're a stranger.

    NO.

    Your being gay is only a part of you. They need to understand that. Here's a letter from another lesbian to her parents:

    Yes.

    It is okay.

    You are a girl.
    Who likes girls.
    And that's okay.

    End of story. And I hope, if you ever come out to your parents, they'll understand that.

    (*hug*)
     
    #3 Nychthemeron, Jul 6, 2014
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