I'm a 32 year old gay man, so I'm well into my adulthood. But it took me until I was almost 30 to tell my parents I was gay. Their initial reaction included the statement, "We don't even know any gay people. We know nothing about this" They had no idea what to say to my coming out. They have gotten better over the years since. My question is, for those of you who come from small, very straight towns, how have you exposed your parents to what being gay is? How have you taught them about it? Neither of my parents are readers and I've struggled to even get them to watch documentaries. It can be frustrating. Any thoughts are welcome.
I haven't came out as not-straight yet, but I have came out as transgender. Like your parents, my mother didn't quite understand what it really means. "You know when I said I wanted a boy, I didn't really mean it," she said. "That has nothing to do with it," I said. She also said, "Can you tell me why you think this way?" And I said, "I was born this way." And she said, "Can you change your thinking?" And I said, "Mother, if I could change, I would've done it a long time ago." I think the best way is to let them learn by themselves. You're 32 - much too old for people to pass it off as 'a phase'. I'm 14 - people will claim it's a phase. But does a phase last seven to eight years? I won't change. And when I grow up, they'll see that it wasn't a phase. I also think it will be a good learning experience if you're more open about your sexuality around them. When you watch TV, comment on how you think the men are attractive. Slip in something in about same-sex marriage. If you have a boyfriend, you can start to bring him in. Soon, they'll realize that gay is nothing but another part of you. You're Adam - a man who just happens to be gay. It's not your entire identity.
Thank you so much for this mature and detailed response. I agree with every single thing you said here. The whole time I was reading your words I kept thinking, "this person is only 14 years old? Wow!" You are wise beyond your years my friend. I'm in awe of you. My parents also asked me if I was able to change. I know how those statements can sting. Why do I need to change? Is that supposed to imply there is something wrong with me? My mother still to this day says, "I just keep holding on to the hope that one day you will walk into the house and tell me you met the perfect girl who changed you." ugh... I agree with your ways of slipping it into conversation. Good advice. Unfortunately, I seem to be eternally single. Hopefully one day soon that will change. If there is any advice I can help you with, please let me know. I thank you again!
Thanks. I still have my bouts of teenage drama and immaturity, though. I don't think anyone can escape that. Haha. My mother is the same way. Countless of times, she's said, "I wish one day you'll tell me that you're happy and that you won't think that way anymore." I am happy. I'm just upset because I'm impatient for the change I want and need in order to be... well, happy. But I'm not sad all the time. I'm feeling really good today, because, like I said, it's not my everything. It's important, yeah, but it's not me. I'm also a bird-loving, hobbyist illustrator/writer who's real interested in linguistics, forensics, and psychology, and I'm still the same person I was when I was a minute old. I just grew up. Anyway, oops. Enough about me. I hope your parents come around. Even though I have the "I shouldn't care about what others think" mentality, I still seek the understanding and acceptance of my family. They're who we grew up with, after all. But know that, even though you came out at almost 30, your parents will eventually have to accept your sexual orientation for what it is. The next time she says, "I just keep holding on to the hope that one day you will walk into the house and tell me you met the perfect girl who changed you," tell her "I just keep holding on to the hope that one day you will walk into the house and tell me that you finally accept me for who I am."
Ha, I had to explain it to my parents quite a bit. They had a lot of misconceptions about homosexuality. They're doing better now, but it's a long learning process. I remember when I started questioning my sexuality I originally knew nothing about it. I've learned a lot though. ^^
