Hey everyone I'm new here I'm living in Israel, gonna turn 35 years old next month and currently on an LDR with a wonderful guy from the US. Allow me to explain - He actually moved to Israel, to my townabout 2 years ago and we met on an Israeli dating site when he was here for almost 2 years or so. He already gave up on staying here as he couldn't find a job though to having no one to practice Hebrew with and running out of money. On our first date we just talked and cuddled, it was amazing. I never met anyone like him and after 2 weeks I knew I was in love with him, for the first time in my life ever and he said the same thing and cancelled his ticket back to the states. I'm suffering from social anxiety and I find myself having a hard time keeping a conversation with people for some reason, despite the fact that I love video games, movies and so on, however, I never had too many friends. Anyways, I never left home and I'm still living with my parents as I'm terrified by the thought of living on my own. When I met my bf, he was living with a roomate which gave him a hard time in an expensive apartment, so after we've known each other for a while, I suggested he should get his own place closer to my parents' place, as he liked my neighbourhood and he actually did (despite not having much money left) I tried suggesting moving in with him so I can pay most of the rent, but he was terrified at the time by that idea as he felt that neither of us would have privacy (he never had any realtionships prior to that and never moved in with someone) I did have relationships before and I have lived with a bf but I was never in love (long story) so he kept living in the apartment until he ran out of money and had to move back to the US, where he found a job. He planned to get some money and come back to Israel but his very dominant mother convinced him to stay. Since he has a hard time with conflicts, he had a hard time telling me he wasn't gonna come back to Israel at the moment and to be honest, I didn't have much to offer as I was still living with my parents even though I could afford to move on my own, but I was too afraid of it. So once the whole gay marriage thing was approved in the US, I suggested that I should come to the US and we would get married, apply for a green card and be able to start a life there, he agreed and I came after half a year or so, after saving some money. His family knows about him but his very dominant mom is not accepting anything he does, not just the gay thing. His family was very nice to me at first, but then started making threats and wanting me out the country (he lives on his own) The problem is, his credit record is not good and he had to have his mom sign the apartment contract as well in order to get the apartment he wanted. He had a really hard time with the way they were treating me, so after a while we decided the best thing for me is to go back to Israel, as we have not planned this well enough and it turns out he doesn't make enough money to support us both. Following what happend, he's currently in therapy to grow as a person and get away from his mom's influence, as he did stand up to them after they treated me so badly. Right now, we've been dating for almost 3 years and I'm back at my parents' place, with no job, no money and we thought about it and since he likes Israel, I'm planning to find a job and save some money, so I can find my own place and he can join me. But ever since I came back, I'm a bit down (I just got back 2 months ago) and I keep thinking what I should've done. How I could've paid his rent when he was in Israel or get my own place so he can join me back then and how we should've planned the whole moving to US thing better so I could've stayed with him.... I basically feel bad... I talk to him every day and we love each other very much, as we have some kinda of a soul mate connection. We share the same thoughts and interests, however, it's hard for me to sit at home, looking for a job, no money (I also don't have too many friends) I'd love to hear from someone, sorry for ranting
Hey kosmusurfer, first of all, welcome to EC =) Don't apologize for ranting, it's always good to get this kind of stuff out of one's system... Don't worry too much about what you could have done, what's in the past is in the past, and you can't change it anyways. Focus on the future, and it seems you two have your plans, and you both work for it to make it happen. You are truly lucky to have found your soulmate and I hope you two finally can live together. It sure sucks that living with your boyfriend in the US didn't work out and that his family treated you bad, but your love for each other seems way stronger than that, so hang in there and eventually you'll work out a way to be together =)
Thank you, I understand all of this, but it seems like it gets harder as time goes by. Plus the fact that I'm mostly at home, looking for a job and bored makes it even worse.. But I guess it's a matter of time... Sometimes it's really hard to be patient
I think it's great that you're still in his best interests. I think that since he's an adult, he should be able to come live with you and thus you two can have that place that you guys have always wanted. Have you researched anything in regards to him obtaining a visa and how that works? I think that once you get a job, you'll be able to move forward at a lightning fast speed. You and him both putting money away for a good cause, your future. I can't wait to hear what happens next and I can only wish you the best.
Actually he doesn't have to do anything since he actually moved to Israel before, as I've mentioned. In Israel everyone who's a jew and comes here can become a citizen, so he's basically a dual citizen - Israeli and American. So it's much easier for him to just come to Israel and be with me Thank you for you encouragements
Thank you for sharing your story. I can't say much about anything but I think your relationship is stronger than anything. Just remember that these are just obstacles that you guys are going through but I also wish the best. Feel free to update us!
Wow!! your relationship has withstood a lot...not even thousands of miles could separate you two. You both were willing to move countries for one another... I think you two have something very special, something that not everyone, even after a lifetime, ends up having! As the others have said, these are just obstacles... I hope for all the best... and I hope that things work out. That said, I'm curious, was there any particular reason why he couldn't find a job in Israel?
Well, he didn't have anyone to speak Hebrew to before he met me and when I met him, we ended up speaking in English every time since it was easier for both of us. Also, he can speak Russian and we have a lot of Russian speakers in Israel so he did get along in Israel without speaking Hebrew, however, in order to get a job, you must be able to speak fluent Hebrew, but we're working on it now
