I am in a situation that I think I know what to do and not face it. Some background info. I was in love with my best female friend for the longest...everyone of my close friends knew. Meanwhile, my best male friend at the time(who also I have a thing for) got engaged and I helped him with how he did it. He is such a great person to be around. Same time my friend got engaged, I finally decided that its best for me to tell my best female friend about my feelings. Now it was a huge thing to let her know because when a childhood friend died...I closed myself off from trying in love. She didn't feel the same way, but she said I need you as a friend. It crushed me and I still wanted to be friends...but then she started ignoring me and keeping her distance from me. It made me question if I can ever be viewed as sexual. I have no problem making friends and being social...but it seems like no one views me as such. And I want that to change without being fake and staying true to myself. It was at that point that I wanted to change myself for the better. My best male friend and I made a commitment to go to the gym and work out. So far I lost 35 lbs. And I always had a lust for guys as well as girls....but I just started accepting it at the age of 29. After the rejection, my best guy friend and I were already super close, but he has been there for me and I've been there for him. I let him know I confessed my feelings to her. He specifically told me honestly that you deserve better and you are great guy...anyone would be a very happy person to have you. He said that deep down....you knew she would reject you. I think by you just telling her outright....it spooked her. He was very encouraging and I feel like he is TRULY a best friend I would have. I would do anything for him. Then he asked me to be his best man....and I was truly honored I know his fiancee makes him happy and I really like her. At this point, I really started to have deep feelings for my male best friend. So for in the next few months, he would call me nicknames and I would say....you know you are cute when you say that. I'd say its playful flirting. One time I made potato salad with beets...and he says what makes it pink. Then he started down my crotch and look at my eyes...and stare back. I was thinking in my mind...you tease. And he did talk about his dick...which really had me thinking. A mutual friend was talking about being sexual and being very open minded....he said he was open minded too. I really want to fool around with him....but again...fiance. And I do flirt back...but I make it seem like how everyone else in our crew does it. I haven't been intimate with anyone for years...and its really hard for me to do that unless I known them for a while. Things were going rough for me as I want to tell him my feelings....but I didn't want to just out the blue say...hey I like you. But I did open up to him and told them I like guys too. He was the very first person I told. He told me that he had one experience with a guy when he was 11, but he realized he like pussy more. But every now and again, he can look at a MMF threesome...and if its hot...he can admit it. I told him....all of it turns me on. I asked him...how far did you go....he said just touching really. My only experience with a guy was a blowjob. At that point....I was happy to confide in him about anything....except with the thought of me wanting to explore him up and down body wise. Now I sense since telling him....he might know I have a crush on him and I know his answer. Same situation again. But I am afraid to confess it because of what happened with my female best friend. Granted, her and I were not as close as my best guy friend...but still I am afraid that I'd lose him. I deeply care for him and I know he does me. Hes such a great friend and I know hes VERY happy with his fiance and I am happy they are both happy(Plus I get to plan the bachelor party in VEGAS!!). But at the same time....I wanted to let him know that I would do anything for him...specially because I am curious about fooling around with him and its messing with my head. I do NOT want to just abandon him while the feelings go away...cuz when I did that with my other friend....she totally ignored me and was bitchy to me. One thing I did get from him though when I told him I was crushing on another girl is that I should be more overt flirting so that way you are not so much in the friend zone.
I'm not the best at offering advice but I say that your friendship should come first. If you think this will cause tension then don't tell him. Just my two cents
So you want to know if you should tell him you are crushing on him. Honestly, to me it looks like you feel guilty about the idea of causing problems with his engagement and want someone to give you justification for doing so. I would ignore your feelings, and start trying to meet someone new. I dont mean to be harsh but he had a very honest conversation even detailing a gay curious encounter he had when he was younger, and told you he found out then he was straight. I would not risk your friendship (your his best man after all) or his engagement, just to get this off your chest, when clearly nothing would come of it. I suggest going to meet new people and find a new relationship. The decision is up to you, but this seems like your playing fast and loose with your friendship, your happiness, your friends happiness, and your friends fiancees happiness.
I know maybe time apart my help...but then again...he probably will ask whats going on and why I am distancing myself...and I don't want to lie to him cuz I trust him so much and he trusts me. I am trying to prospect other girls(and 1 guy) that I have known for a little bit...but not getting anywhere.
Well, why distance yourself? does his relationship take all your time? I bet not. When your free, go to a gay club or something. find someone new. AND then after you get to know them, they can be your date to the wedding. And considering your feelings, it might be a good thing to have a date at the wedding in case you need support. I have a feeling watching that wedding will be a very emotional event for you.
Well im not quite comfortable going to a gay bar by myself. Ive only been out to people that are straight and I trust. And I do find myself wanting a relationship with a girl more than a guy. Hes also been my gym partner...so every other day we do go to the gym...and I do it to lose weight and feel better. we see each other pretty much every day in my free time.
Find a girl, that is even easier... well, to me (unfortunately)... How old are you? What kind of chicks do you like? any other details? Im asking because with gay men the gay club is the only place I can think of. With women, hell it depends on what type of woman you want
Im 29. I have a preference for curvier women...I am really attracted to a great personality thats not afraid to get crazy like me...but can hold a great conversation and being smart. I have no problem attracting people and making friends...the trouble is when I want to take it in a romantic or sexual sense cuz I am seen as the brother and it pisses me off. And my best friend specifically told me that I should flirt more....hence I kinda do with the guys....they see it as a joking matter....for me its deeper. For the girls....I am just now starting to show it.
oh dude, you live in Florida? near a beach? I used to love going to the beach to pick up chicks way back when.... Come to think of it you could prolly pick up guys there too... Nowadays I find myself personally avoiding places like bars, clubs, beach, etc. Anywhere that could have alcohol basically. I dont want a partying partner. Of either sex. I have met some pretty decent chicks at the grocery store though. I know that sounds lame, but it seems like the ones I meet there are alot more tame and responsible. I suppose if you have a dog you could go to the park, women usually love dogs. I have actually gotten 2 numbers strictly because of my toy poodle. My last idea is church. I know your thinking, really? hear me out. Church girls are INCREDIBLY sexually repressed (urban legend that is true). You could find one around 24-26. More than likely they are decent people, with morals and all. Its not like your looking for mrs. right, just mrs. right-now. In other words, even if you dont see yourself being able to get over a religious difference, you just need a short term relationship to get your mind off the groom. Granted, you do have to deal with your ears bleeding all through the sermon. ---------- Post added 10th Jul 2014 at 08:53 PM ---------- Just thought of another, IDK what age your interested in, but college campus. They usually put on shows in the theatres and such where the local community can attend.
