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Is it possible that he has feelings for me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Theatertennis17, Jul 9, 2014.

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  1. Theatertennis17

    Theatertennis17
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    I met a guy a ciuple weeks ago and we hit it off right away. We texted everyday and hung out for like four or five days in a row. When we first met he asked if I am gay, and I replied yes. After I told him that he was asking me a lot of questions about my sexuality and how I figured it out. After his barrage of questions, he told me the story of how he asked his parents what they would think if he was gay. He said that had a horrible reaction telling him that he can not be gay because they didn'twant him turning out like his uncle who is gay. I only put this in because I only asked my parents that because I was questioning my sexuality. Anyways, while hanging out, he seemed really flirty with me. He would tell me that I'm awesome and hilarious after like every other thing I said, and then I found out he has a girlfriend.

    He told that he told his girlfriend about me and that she said she thinks she would like me and wanted to meet me. So, he and I were trying to plan a day for me to meet her, but she had just come out of the hospital, so the plans fell through everytime. The first time that we made the plan, when she cancelled I asked him if he wanted to go to a party in my town (he lives a couple towns away from me), and his exact words were "if I can see you then yes." After that he got kind of distant until a couple days ago. We were going to hang out this past sunday and go to fireworks at night, but he had to cancel and he told me that he felt horrible about ditching me, but he had a grad party to go to so I wasn't mad.

    Then yesterday his girlfriend broke up with him. He seemed upset initially so I bought him his favorite chinese food and I sent him a text that ha said made him not even care that his girlfriend broke up with him anymore. He gave me hug for it and said that he really apreciated the text. Now that he's single I don't know how I should go about this whole thing. Like he's had girlfriends, but he seems like he might be gay or bi, and all my best friends think that he likes me. Also, he said he would go bi for me, but no one who was around when he said that could figure out if he was kidding or not. I just have no clue what to do about this like I really like him and he makes me feel good about myself, but I also have no clue if he really likes me. I really don't want to get my hopes up over nothing.
     
    #1 Theatertennis17, Jul 9, 2014
  2. Archie

    Archie
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    Hm I don't know, it sounds like he could be into you but it's really hard to affirm that for a number of reasons. I guess you can just ask him? Like, why did his girlfriend break up with him? Maybe it had something to do with his sexuality? It's a long shot but it's also a conversation starter nonetheless.

    But to be honest, if he isn't ready to come out to you then you shouldn't push it, however much you love him and think having a romantic relationship with him would be amazing.
     
    #2 Archie, Jul 9, 2014
  3. quietman702

    quietman702
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    I echo what Archie said about not pushing him. I believe that by his asking all those questions ... it does sound like he is dealing with his sexual identity. Just be the friend who supports him and loves him. I'd ask about the gf issue in a way that reassure him that no matter what you'll be there for him no matter what he shares with you. Hope this makes sense. Have to agree with not getting hopes too high, but don't give up as his off-handed comment about going "bi for you" may have been no joke.
     
    #3 quietman702, Jul 9, 2014
  4. ABeautifulMind

    ABeautifulMind Banned

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    I am curious what the text said... That may be a factor tbh...

    Anyways, I would suggest being there for him because like others said it sounds like he is struggling with his sexuality... and everyone here knows how that is in one way or another... however I also might consider telling him that if he was gay or bi like his uncle it would be completely ok and normal... maybe state remember your gay and your a normal individual... most importantly, remember you have time... if you want to be in a relationship with him, to me it sounds like you have what you need (time)... Just like i tell others about things like this, when a guy says to another guy that he would go gay/bi for you, or he would love to have sex with you, or really anything sexual like that to any guy ESPECIALLY an out of the closet gay man, it is not a joke. It is either testing the waters, or he is subconsiously dealing with gay/bi curiosity...

    Before I realized I was bi, I never would have even thought of that as an acceptable statement, even if it was a joke. Furthermore not a single straight guy I know would ever have said that to another guy. Not even when innebriated... Even accepting nonhomophobic men... its just not something to joke about when your straight... its like someone who is not attracted to an 80 year old saying, "oh yea, I would definitely bend her over" as a joke. so in my opinion if he joked saying he would go bi for you, I think it is just a matter of time and support before you will get there with him...

    I really hope for the best for you, and this guy sounds perfect for you... anytime you get around someone you have strong feelings for AND they make you feel better about yourself, its worth a little extra time...
     
    #4 ABeautifulMind, Jul 9, 2014
  5. WhiteShadows

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    "he said he would go bi for me"

    To be honest, I think he's at least curious. All you need to do is hang out with him more and more. Try and get time together with just to the two of you. Also, start getting a bit more touchy with him and see how he responds. Hugs are a good place to start. If he gets really flirty, or continuously wants to touch you, I'd say green light :slight_smile:

    But, perhaps just take it a bit slow at first, yeah? He just broke up and all...
     
    #5 WhiteShadows, Jul 10, 2014
  6. Theatertennis17

    Theatertennis17
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    Thank you for all the adivce. Last night we had a really nice heart to heart and we agreed that we want to support each other throughout our lives and that we want to be the type of people for each other where we can go to each other with any problem and not worry about what the context of the problem is. We got a lot closer because of this. Now the only problem is that I am going away for 9 days with no way to contact anyone because I wont have my phone. He said he will miss me, but I feel like I'm going to loose all my progress with him not being able to talk to him for 9 days. Last time I went away for an extended period of time without being able to use my phone when I got back my friends and the guy I was talking to had a lot of shit happen where it seemed like they didn't need me anymore. I'm afraid this might happen again what can i do?
     
    #6 Theatertennis17, Jul 11, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2014
  7. quietman702

    quietman702
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    I would like to ask why you feel they wouldn't need you anymore? Is it real or perceived? In my heart I don't think your relationship with him will still be ok. I understand that you will miss him terribly, but to be honest you being away for 9 days shouldn't change that. Use the time away to focus on you not your friends. It can be hard not to be "constantly in the know" but swim, meditate or do things you don't normally do for yourself. These are suggestions that may beneficial.
     
    #7 quietman702, Jul 11, 2014
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