So I guess this is a talk about the masculine-feminine gay spectrum. I love everyone on that spectrum and don't discriminate whatsoever when it comes to platonic relationships. However, as many gay guys do, I have a tendency to be attracted to more masculine men. I see myself as being in the middle of spectrum or towards the feminine side, and I sometimes worry that I'm not going to find a masculine man that will appreciate me. If you're not down to listen to a boy vent then maybe you should not read ahead.. Here's a little about me and some context in my life I'm not SUPER feminine, but I am definitely not that masculine. I don't wear any girl clothes (besides sometimes a loose tank top that can pass as a guy's tank). I don't wear make up. If it means anything I like to keep my hair short and have a relatively muscular build. I shop at places like Jcrew and Uniqlo? My fem/masc qualities and mannerisms depend on who I'm with, but I would say 70% of the time people suspect that I'm gay. I can hang out with just guys but the majority of my friends are girls. Butttt I'm not masculine at all. I don't really like sports (I'm a hiphop/ballet/contemporary/ballroom dancer). I'm not really like a "bro" haha. You know, not the stereotypical masculine kind of guy. I'm having trouble really describing myself, because I feel like in normal context I act pretty much like a normal guy with some effeminate qualities. Anyways--things tend to get a little different around boys that I like. I've had 3 ex boyfriends that have appreciated/were neutral about my feminine qualities. When I'm with a guy I tend to do things like wrap my arounds around their neck when we kiss, prefer being little spoon, like being carried, hold onto their arm from behind when we walk, talk in a higher/cutesy kind of voice, etc. My last boyfriend told me, though he was fine with it, when I was with him I acted like a girl 80% of the time. I mean sometimes I would be big spoon, wrap my arms around him, etc. but most of the time I prefer the other way around. When it comes to the bedroom I have never topped before because I prefer bottom, but with my last boyfriend the idea of topping him was really attractive. When it comes to sex I'm usually very submissive though--strangely enough I would MUCH rather give oral than receive it. Stuff like that--I don't have domination complex I don't think, just a preference. I mean I think I'm pretty good looking! I've been told so plenty of times and guy's do hit on me (but I mean they don't really get to know me). I'm a pre med student at Brown University and I feel like I have the most loving heart ever. I've never done any of my exes wrong, and my most recent one that ended last week was because of very complicated distance/situation problems. So I'm single again, and though I feel pretty confident, I'm scared there's no one out there that can appreciate me for all that I think I'm worth! What do you guys think..? Note: I do think it is naìve a little to think I won't find someone if I've already found 3. But sometimes I wonder if they fell out of love after 8 months (they all lasted around that much) because I was too feminine? Or if I just struck out of luck because I've already found 3 guys and that's all! I'm hoping there are some supportive people out there who would love to soothe my worries that may seem somewhat trivial! -Jason
Not really masculine either, but I'm more attracted to effeminate men than masculine men by far. Why? I have no idea. Haha. I'm not the only one, though. So don't worry. There are plenty of masculine men who will love you for who you are, effeminate or not. Don't change yourself for someone else.
Hi jason since I began allowing myself same-sex attraction earlier this year, that is the kind of behaviour from a lover that I have fantasized about, an effeminate guy who is kind of affectionate like that as well. So I bet there are heaps of other guys who would love to be with you, to be honest. Ok kind of awkward for me to admit that, but it is for informational purposes, and in order to encourage you, so take it in that spirit. Damien
I guarantee that plenty of guys are into guys like you! Don't change a thing about yourself. Honestly, I find those types of guys cute and interesting.
At first, I thought I would only like super masculine guys, but that's not necessarily true. I am finding out that the personality really matters to me the most. I don't like fake people, period. I am not a fan of the bar scene or drama. Honesty and trust are the biggies for me really. The rest is all something I can adjust to if I'm attracted to the person, provided that they are not super fem and wear makeup and paint their nails(no offense to anyone just preference). "Middle of the road" guys are cool.
Ok, I am going to write what comes to my heart without letting my brain filter it... first of all, I am masculine... I have the typical lack of emotion sometimes displayed by masculine men. This is mainly because I have aspbergers, but I also have a 167 IQ and I am extremely high functioning autism. I am attending Uni now for a BS in Mathematics planning on going into Applied Mathematics as a specialty for my MS. That being said, a lot of time I either dont show emotions, or I dont understand them fully... something I have tried working on but is difficult for me, I always get stuck on the whole "how can I be a fairly intelligent person and not understand something that my 13 year old niece understands..." HOWEVER the only guy I have allowed myself to get close to sounds a lot like you. He would always act pretty neutral in public, but when it was just us he got effeminate. This is actually why I got so confused by him... I considered myself straight before I met him, and he said he was straight.. but I fell for him hard... when he needed a hug he would always seem so affectionate... we never kissed (never admitted either of us were either gay or bi before he moved unfortunately)... we frequently slept in the same bed and sometimes I would wake up to him trying to cuddle with me (really freaked me out at first, didnt know how to handle it as I had never had that social interaction before).. I liked it once I got used to it though... Alot! Once when he was WAY too drunk I had to literally cradle carry him inside to my room and he started to "wrestle" with me... After that it would happen every so often, I was far stronger so it always reminded me of when my girlfriends in the past would try to wrestle with me (although with them I could not do anything for fear of hurting them)... Though this was far more fun with him lol.... This really brings up memories... I have not seem him in 4 years... All that said, you sound great, I personally think you sound attractive... Granted I dont have much to go on, but from what I read you just havent found the right guy yet... Dont worry though, he could be right around the corner, or a couple weeks/months/etc down the road... either way keep trying, even if the next guy is not mr right, sometimes you just need a mr right now to get you through to mr right Hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck...
Ooh! Same degree high five! I suffer from ADHD So it was a little bit of a struggle academically, but it pales in comparison to the horrors of attempting to date or meet people. I feel as though I share some traits, though I'm probably not as attractive as I've never been hit on You do sound like a catch and I think it'll just take time to find someone who meshes for more than 8 months, you can only hope, and I do wish that you find that one person who'll stay by your side for life! I do hope that you remain cheery and optimistic! K
I wish I knew a guy like you. My brother has Aspberger's and is high functioning as well. He is my biggest ally. I am not nearly as smart as you and him are, but I studied hard through college. I agree with the poster above, you seem like a good catch. :smilewave
You ain't me, so you'll find plenty of guys who are into you. I'm a lot like you. I'm not vers; I'm bottom. I'm little spoon. I like masculine guys. I'm not super feminine, but I am a bit. That's just who I am. You'll be fine. You've already had guys get into you so you'll have a good life.
Oh I'd love to have you. :icon_wink Really, don't worry too much. There are more potential partners out there than you might realise. I can't imagine that there -aren't- lads that would be into you.
First, I also have ADD, but that is something I conquered long ago... I quit taking meds for that at 14... Second, everyone thinks they are unattractive, it seems to be engrained on 90% of the population regardless of what "labels" are being worn... Last, I have never been hit on by a guy.... I have by a few women, but to be honest, I can confirm atleast 2 of them were because they knew how smart I was. I know because both times a friend came to me (Knew I had aspbergers and realized I had no idea they were hitting on me at the time... s#it sucks) and told me, dude you know she is hitting on you right? I would always ask why.... "they think your brain is sexy man..." It is disappointing when that happens lol... get excited someone was hitting on you, then find out it has nothing to do with appearance... Is you brother able to manage it? I think I manage fantastically most of the time. The last few weeks I have been having problems, but for the most part I have been pretty good. And yea, I am pretty sure people with Aspbergers always make good allys, they dont understand male female bonding anymore or any less than the male male... so they feel the same about both... sometimes I think thats why im bi... And yea, I still had to study through college, although if im honest i studied less than most, but how many people out there spend around 2-3 hours a day searching the net for conversation starters/topics because if I run out I have no clue what to say or how to act... When im in class I am great, no talking, no joking, nothing but notes and learning.... @jasonmvu I think you are just being a normal guy after a break up of any significance... straight guys go through this too, they just never share it (except with very close friends)... You always have the option to talk to your ex bf's and get their viewpoint... not on if you were attractive, that could be awkward lol, but just asking them what made you two break up... that is if your on good terms I suppose... Also, I dont think anyone mentioned this, but I dont think a guy will "fall out of love" because of a character trait you had the whole time. I dont know why you keep having this happening, thats why I suggested you ask.
You seem like an awesome person. You're handsome, a dancer (big plus IMO ), and clearly intelligent, as you're attending an Ivy League school. Don't compromise who you are to meet other people's expectations. Stay true to yourself, and you'll surely find the right guy
In a way we're pretty similar except for the part about dancing because I have no rhythm at all but it seems like we could be good friends too. It's natural to worry about whether or not someone will like you because I feel like this way too but I learnt that it's just a waste of time. Just hang in there, the right person usually comes around when you least expect it.
I hope your right, because i dont know about anyone else, but i definitely dont expect one right now lol...
My brother got put on depression meds back in high school that messed him up and made him worse emotionally. He was getting better when he graduated from college(2008), but it's been really difficult since then. He even had a girl who was interested in him(because of his smarts just like you), and he liked her. However, because he is awkward socially, they couldn't make it work. He just got too scared to let her in his life. He told me this after I came out to him. He is a very private person. He lets me in the most, then my parents, 2 friends, and that's about it. I am sure you know how that goes. He is a brilliant researcher though and has been researching LGBT stuff that I have no idea how he finds. He's a gamer and played legos as a kid til the cows came home. He is very methodical. Unfortunately, he got into a car accident last year and now has scoliosis. He's pretty rough. He will probably never work. My parents have put him 3 counselors and now he does group therapy. Still a very isolated life. Scoliosis and aspberger's, it's a tough life for him. I always tell him I wish I could fix the scoliosis and his depression. My brother is fine with starting conversations with me and his friends. Everyone else, it's just a "yeah, ok." Or, he gives his nervous laugh. Usually, he won't go to extended family get togethers unless I'm there. He doesn't like to eat much unless he's at home. But he's a very justice oriented person which is why he makes a good ally. It also feeds his depression and anger because he wants to fix the world but cannot. But the knowledge he shares is invaluable. I wouldn't trade him for anything. If he was focused and less depressed, he would make a great writer.
