I love my boyfriend, but recently discovered I'm a lesbian.

Honestly, I think being sexually attracted to the other person is an important part of a relationship, and if you cannot find that then it might be best to not commit further and to break things off now.

I don't think your relationship can last if you aren't attracted to him. You can be self-sacrificing for a time. It is easy to do for a couple of years. But as time goes on, the dissatisfaction will probably get the best of you. Its not really fair to yourself or him to go on like that.

 

I agree with Auren.
Sexual attraction is a big part of a relationship. If he knew you were lesbian that'd be one thing, but you've not told him that and he still believes you're happily attracted to him. That's just misleading him into thinking you guys are still growing closer as a couple.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be for him to let go.
It's not uncommon for guys to get broken up with because the girl turns out to be a lesbian. Just sincerely and lovingly explain your situation to him, and let him react how he may. He might be totally understanding and want to break up so you can be with someone you're attracted to.

I'm sorry you're in that situation but I'm glad you've come to terms with your sexuality.

 

I don't think it would be fair to either one of you to continue the way that you are. You need to be honest with him, and with yourself. You don't want to grow to resent him later on, nor him to resent you. Just explain to him how you've been feeling. He should be understanding of your situation, but he should also realize that you need to do what you need in order to be happy. Nobody wants to live a lie. And yeah, he may be glad that he's with you, but would it make him happier in the long run to be with you and have you be miserable, only to find out that you lied to him, or to let you go so you can be happy?

 

I understand how difficult this is for you. The only thing that I can tell you, really, is not to confuse your desire to maintain your relationship with him, with your desire to maintain your bond with him. Is it really the relationship that you want to keep? Or is it his support, his help, and his friendship? Do you want to stay in a relationship with someone you don't desire? Personally, I don't think sex is all that important in a relationship. Some people are asexual. But if you do have sexual desires, shouldn't it be for the person you're committed to?

 

Maybe you're biromantic? Unfortunately, these are all things that we can't discover for you. You should take time and really get to know who you're romantically attracted to, and who you're sexually attracted to. They are different, after all. Maybe you can just take some time outside of a relationship to really think this through. You need to put all your fears aside, and figure out what it is that you want from life and relationships, whether with a man or a woman.

 

Very well put.

---------- Post added 10th Jul 2014 at 05:19 PM ----------

I can understand how you feel. Although I've always known I'm attracted to women, only over the past few years have I realized that I am only sexually attracted to females. I'm in a heterosexual relationship now as well.

 

Hi, I've recently broken up with my boyfriend because I have been questioning my orientation. I feel that I was in a similar situation and can relate to your story.
I felt guilty and didn't want to break up because he had helped me out a lot. The thing is that this is what people do for each other in a relationship. You take from one another and that's the risk to take in any relationship.
Breaking up is difficult, but once the guilt and mixed feelings have gone, it gets better. Yes, you might have to accept that he won't want to be in touch with you or maybe not. You will both work it out as you go along. Can you get support from other people that your family or keep a couple of close people in the loop with what you are planning? I think the key is to prepare and try to anticipate. Although it is not possible to anticipate everything, but that can be anticipated
Good luck

 

That is a very natural feeling when you're just coming to terms with your sexuality and going through the transitions to living that life.
You've been planning all of your life to be with a man, have a family with a man, and love a man. You can't easily switch that idea to a woman.
That feeling goes away for most people when they've accepted themselves for a while, or when they enter the dating world.

For me, I met my boyfriend and then could imagine a future with kids and a life with a man. It just took someone to help me recognize that it's okay.

 

There's a difference between knowing one is gay and accepting it fully. It takes time and doesn't happen overnight. I agree with TJ. It's not unusual not to be able to imagine oneself in a relationship with the same sex partner at first. You have discovered your sexuality recently so you need to get more comfortable about being lesbian and come to terms with it.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 years, realized I'm gay about a year ago. Since then it's been an emotional roller coaster and the more I accept myself the more I feel it's impossible for me to stay with him because all I want is to hold a woman in my hands. Moreover the intimate part of the relationship is just horrible and I cringe every time when he touches me on my genitals. Ugh.
Please, don't make that sacrifice for him, you'd only become more miserable over time and you both deserve better. You can read some posts in the LGBT Later in Life section to get a better idea how these gay in straight relationships tend to end. Many those people were in love with their partners but in the long term it wasn't enough.
I know it's not easy to end it but the longer you wait the more difficult it becomes, believe me. I myself still haven't found the courage to tell my bf but I'm getting there.
I wish you all the best.(*hug*)